I usually put people into one of two categories. The first group strives for excellence but they don’t worry about inconsequential details. If you ask this group what they had for lunch the answer will be quick at to the point. These folks have a ‘just the facts ma am’ mentality and the only detail about their lunch would probably be their opinion on the food quality. The second group compartmentalizes and over analyzes absolutely everything. This group not only worries about the factual details, they also spend a great deal of time worrying about what could happen. If you ask them what they had for lunch they will describe their turkey sandwich in great detail and share their opinion about everything right down to the quality of the mayonnaise. I happen to be part of the former group because I believe that life is too short to worry about mayonnaise.
Recently I have been pondering some religious attitudes and the way some religious leaders overthink the process. Church and religion are supposed to be about people coming together as a group to worship a God of Love but the more religious views I hear, the more I feel that Christians have tried to over think the process. In other words, it seems as though certain folks are so focused on the mayonnaise that they have lost sight of how delicious the lunch is.
I was fortunate to have been raised by parents who encouraged me to be my own unique self. Since I tend to be a progressive thinker and a bit of a rebel, I am certain that my parents didn't have an easy time raising me. However, as long as my moral compass was engaged my mother and my father accepted that these traits are what makes me …me. I am grateful to my parents for giving me the autonomy to be my authentic self but in my college years I lived near a relative who likes to focus on the mayonnaise. The thing about mayonnaise people is that they spend an inordinate amount of effort trying to compartmentalize every aspect of life to fit their expectations. Anyone who lives life outside of their self-imposed compartments will inevitably fall short of their expectations only to be shunned from the group and gossiped about. These relatives considered me to be too worldly. Their critical view of me made me question my own authenticity solely because I wasn't living up to their expectations. Before long I realized that I was being judged, not because I was doing anything wrong, but simply because I wasn't living life by their rules. Basically, they ostracized me because I wasn’t focusing on their brand of mayonnaise. Although I didn't realize it at the time, when they shunned me it was a blessing in disguise. The short story is that these folks followed a strict religious doctrine and my religious views didn't align with theirs. I tried to live up to their expectations without succeeding which caused me to question my own value. It was a vicious circle so when they eventually shunned me, it set me free.
Perhaps this is why I like to watch and read things that will remind me that when my preferred brand of mayonnaise is not the same brand as someone else's it doesn't diminish my value. The Ted Talk videos inspire me because these videos have speakers who accomplished amazing things by not limiting themselves to the expectations of others. An article in the Huffington Post written by Brenee Brown defines the danger of expectations clearly; "Well-meaning but unchecked expectations are loaded with potential shame and resentment bombs: "I'll have fun at the party if I'm different from the way I am now. I'm not enough." or"I'll feel good about myself if other people notice me. My self-worth is riding on my ability to control other people's behavior." Her words sum it all up. If we try to define our lives by someone else's standards we sacrifice our authenticity.
The bible says that we should love one another and that 'thou shalt not judge 'but Christians are notorious for claiming that they don't judge as they simultaneously set rigid expectations that everyone else is supposed to live up to in order to gain acceptance. This approach is causing Christianity to be scrutinized very closely these days. The news articles I have seen are now using adjectives like rigid, biased, misogyny and pernicious to describe religious views. These are harsh words and I think these references should be a wake up call to all of the religious over thinkers. As Christians, we should remain mindful that our words and actions can either be the first step in igniting the power in others or the first step in disabling someone’s spirit.
Webster’s Dictionary defines religion as a “system of worship to a God or Gods.” My interpretation of this definition is that religion is not God. Religion is merely a gathering of people with shared values seeking to honor the same God. What I experienced many years ago, and what I see exhibited by some Christian groups today, is a belief system that is so rigid that the primary focus has deviated from honoring God into a ‘my way or the highway’ approach which encourages exclusion for anyone who prefers a different brand of mayonnaise. I personally feel that it is time for Christians stop monitoring to see if others are living up to a set of self imposed expectations and simply keep the focus on developing a spirit of love, acceptance, and forgiveness.
I attend church from time to time and I pray daily, but I worship God. I do not worship a church. I do not worship a religion. God gives us the free will to accept or deny him regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. God doesn't discriminate and he knows that we are imperfect. His understanding of our propensity for sin is why he sent his son to create a way for mankind to move beyond our sin and get closer to him through prayer and forgiveness. The bible says that God looks at what is in our hearts while the expectations established by mankind are merely the rules of man, not God. I simply believe that God also feels that life is too just short to worry about the mayonnaise.
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