Someone asked me once if I am afraid of dying. My answer is no. Death is not what scares me. I am afraid of pain, I am more afraid that I will die and the special people in my life won’t know how much I care about them, but my greatest fear is that time will pass until suddenly I realize that, not only did I not attain my dreams, the opportunity had passed because I waited too long.
This is on my mind at the moment because my mother is living my greatest fear. Through the years she had a variety of excuses for not making time to truly live and her relationships with special people are now nonexistent. There was always tomorrow to make time for living because she had other things to do. The people in her life were treated like an old newspaper that needed to be tossed when they outlived their usefulness. What saddens me is the fear and regret that are evident in her eyes when I hear her talk. Mom is in poor health and exhibiting signs of dementia. During one of her lucid moments she understood that we are giving her a desperately needed lifestyle change. She became upset as she said “No! I had it all planned. Now I am finally ready to work on my house and do the traveling I have always wanted to do.” I didn't reply because words wouldn't come. How do you tell someone that they waited too long and the opportunity is gone?
On the radio I heard someone asking for advice from a radio talk show host. He said that he always worried about the future. His focus was on saving every penny and making certain he had supplies to last him at least one year. He felt that disaster could happen at any time so he waited and prepared. When his wife left him, he began rethinking his life style. His question to the talk show host was to ask if he should payoff the house. He had the funds in savings to pay off his house and car but was afraid he would need the funds if the economy plunged further down than it already had. The talk show host told him that he is living his life through fear which is not truly living. This host went on to say that he needs to turn off the talk radio and begin living his life through faith because even if we spend every minute and every penny preparing there are still no guarantees.
This line of thinking follows the philosopher Pascal who subscribed to the “Just in Case Theory.” Pascal said that “all things are obscure so we must prepare for what we cannot see.” Yet, most successful businesses operate by the “Just in Time Theory” which states that we should focus on ‘now’ while remaining open to change. Stockpiling inventory for future reserves actually drives up costs and reduces revenues. The 'Just in Time Theory' is like living on faith. Yet, it is so easy to get caught up in our daily living that we postpone and began to live according to the "Just in Case Theory." Then one day we look up and realize that the kids are grown, our health is failing, and life went on but it passed us by.
Taking steps to change the lifestyle of an uncooperative parent when there are no other options is one of the more difficult things I have had to do. The fact that this parent hasn’t wanted anything to do with me in fifteen years creates its own set of unique challenges. I think that the only positive in this situation is that she struggles to remember who I am and, when she does, she doesn’t remember that she doesn’t like me. However, she always remembers the goals that she never accomplished. This is a reminder that time marches on irregardless so I need to stop making excuses and start making plans. The time to truly live life is now.
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