I Am The Round Peg

We live in a world that wants us to fit in a square hole, and if we are a round peg, the world expects us to change our shape. Some would have us believe that life is a ‘one size fits all’ event. Recently I went to a management seminar with a theme that stated we should focus on becoming better at what we do well because trying things that do not come naturally is a waste of our time. The philosophy of this particular psychologist stated that we should stay in our comfort zone and stop trying to be something we were never intended to be. It took every ounce of me not to walk out of that seminar and the nonsense it was teaching.


Very few people know that I can sing. When I was young, I was singled out to do solos in church and a school choral group. Both of my parents can sing and my mother has an amazing voice. Mom loved opera and, recognizing that I had perfect pitch, she signed me up for vocal lessons. I felt mediocre because I struggled to hit high notes, I couldn’t project efficiently, and eventually I didn’t enjoy singing at all. Soon I began to fake many sore throats so I could escape the obligation to perform and by the time I was 15 I refused to participate at all.  I had reached a point where I felt like a failure and didn’t even like the sound of my own voice. I have refused to sing anything in public since that time.

A few years ago, some friends and I were singing to a Jackson Brown album when someone commented on my voice. I told them I am not very good and I explained why I hate singing in front of others. They replied, “You have a wonderful voice. It sounds like you can sing but you just didn’t like the operatic style people were trying to force you to sing.” At that moment I realized that I had convinced myself that I lacked talent because I wasn't performing by someone else's standards.

I do not go to church every week but I do have a strong faith in God and I do believe that God has a plan for each of us. Like children, we need to fail because we learn from mistakes. What I find amazing is that God creates miracles from our failures. In the bible, some of the most prominent figures came from the most unlikely people. I believe that God sometimes needs us to learn to be our own unique self, develop our own talents, and risk failure before we can find success.

The world tells us that we should conform. We are told that to be accepted we need to change who we are. Yet, most successful people  have challenged this line of thinking. Many of the greatest men and women in history were rebels. Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my heroes, is quoted as saying “Well behaved women never make history.”

Ryan Blair, a former gang member who did jail time, only has a 9th grade education yet is the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation. In the article ‘Gang Member to CEO’ he is quoted as saying:

“As a product of Los Angeles's public school system, in a state with the highest dropout rate in the nation (about 20 percent), I can tell you from personal experience that some of our brightest minds are being misidentified because of a one-size-fits-all learning environment. Because I had ADD and dyslexia I never got past the 9th grade. I recall sitting with a career counselor in continuation high school, being told that I didn't have the intellect or aptitude to become a doctor or a lawyer. They suggested a trade school, construction, something where I'd be working with my hands.

The irony is that today I employ plenty of doctors and lawyers. Would you rather be a doctor or a lawyer, or a guy who writes a check to doctors and lawyers? As an entrepreneur, having a college degree or getting classroom training won't hurt your chances for starting a successful business, but it's ultimately not necessary. In Malcolm Gladwell's book "Outliers," he makes a point that it takes approximately 10,000 hours to master a skill set at a professional level. That means experience, over traditional education”.

The truth is that some of the most talented people in history were told they had no talent. Society told them not to try but they refused to conform and refused to stop pursuing their passions. An article I have saved for years by Ann Landers titled “Failure Can Provide Golden Lesson” is taped to my refrigerator. In the article it points out that:

• Einstein was 4 years old before he could speak.

• Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school and was considered unpromising.

• Beethoven’s’ music teacher told him he was hopeless as a composer.

• In grade school, Thomas Edison’s teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything and recommended he go into a field where he could succeed by virtue of his pleasant personality.

• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.

• Boston Celtics hall of famer Bob Cousy suffered the same fate.

• A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”

• Babe Ruth struck out 1300 times, a major league record.

Last week I came home and my two year old granddaughter was running around with no shirt on. I both sympathized with my son and laughed at the memory it evoked. When I was very young, I saw my brother working outside with no shirt and decided that on a hot summer day no shirt made more sense than the scratchy shirt I was wearing. My mother saw me running around shirtless and made me put my shirt on while talking to me about acting like a lady. As I grew up,  I was often discouraged from participating in many activities as I heard the term “it isn’t ladylike” used as a reason.   As I grew I resented the fact that the boys got to have all the fun. However, as an adult, my activities are not gender defined. I enjoy trying new things and I am not afraid of getting my hand dirty nor am I going to let the fear of failure hold me back. Just because I can’t do something now, doesn’t mean I can't learn it.  If  something appeals to me I will give it a go irregardless of what others think I should be doing.



Life is too just too short to be defined by the expectations of others. This one size fits all philosophy makes others comfortable , however,  that doesn't mean conforming is the always best choice.  As for myself, I am usually the round peg who has no intention of trying to fit into that square hole.



Expectations

Today is Sunday and I spent my day in the company of my two dogs reading a book and completing a few household chores.  It was a day to recharge and I enjoyed it thoroughly.  Some of my friends do not understand how I can enjoy my alone time since they prefer to have someone around. Therefore they cannont relate to the pleasure I find in solitude. 

Sometimes I wonder if a person's inability to enjoy their own company is based on some type of insecurity. For example, if I were a person who lived to meet the expectations of others then the occasional day of solitude may not be as enjoyable because my focus could not be on my own contentment.

 Everyone will compare themself to someone else from time to time.  Monitoring the success of our peers is how we measure our self against the rest of the world.  However, if we are not careful  we will exhaust ourselves in our attempts to meet the perceived expections of others.  In our journey to conform to what we perceive is expected of us, we can develop battle fatigue which leaves us vulnerable.  The exhaustion and stress  can blind us to the possibilities that are often right in front of us and causing us to only see the problems. 

I have been under a great deal of stress this last few weeks and solitude is my way to recharge.  I am content but sometimes my contentment can be misconstrued for being just being complaisant.  Since I have never been one who lives to meet the expectations of others, I have a low tolerance for other who do.  Too many people will put their ego in the driver's seat instead of just doing what they know is best for their own life. These people will define their own pleasure around what is looks appealing to their peers. Everone has those moments where the ego rules, but if the ego drives our life all of the time then there is a shallowness that I don't want to bring into my world. 

A friend recently held a dinner and, upon arrival, I discovered that she invited an eligible bachelor for me to meet. I hate blind dates so this was, in their well intentioned way, an opportunity to introduce me to someone they felt would be the perfect match. I am single, they are married and happy. They care about me and the expectation is that my life should be as happy as their life  is. However, the potential match was not a match.  His ego was in the drivers seat from his large expensive car to his spray on tan.  Attempts to actually have a conversation failed and I ended up talking to others more than him while  he sat on the side talking to no one.  If he had simple relaxed and focused on an enjoyable evening everyone would have enjoyed his company more and I speculate that the evening would have been much more pleasant for him as well.

About  a year ago I dated someone for a couple of months. He was  a senior manager for an engineering firm and travelled internationally for work. Because of his job, he would be gone for long periods of time so we  ended up staying friends.  He wasn't a bad looking man but when one of my best friends met him she was appalled because he wasn't gorgeous.  When I told her that I am not looking for gorgeous she didn't understand.  I told her that I am looking for intelligent, compassionate, and genuine.  How a person carries himself is more important to me than being tall, dark, and handsome. She did not understand my thought process and was always trying to introduce me to men who are more interested in their looks than their quality of life.  I was not offended since I understood that her intention was to encourage me to live up to the same expectations she felt were best for her own life.  However, at that time she could not understand why her own dating life was so unsatisfactory. Eventually she changed her attitude when she fell for someone who is not gorgeous, but is intelligent, compassionate, genuine, and very good to her.

My friend is an example of how expectations drive the ego and the ego causes people to compromise their own happiness.  I find it comical when I hear a woman say she is genuine yes she will forgo paying her house payment to afford a cosmetic surgery procedure so she can impress a man.   Yet, society drives this attitude. I wish I had a nickle for every time a male friend complains that women are shallow.   I often hear my male friends say  that 'nice guys don't stand a chance.' Yet, the same men who say they are looking for a good heart also want that good heart to be wrapped in a package of physical perfection. 

 I have been on my own for a some time so I  have had no choice but to learn to be independent and to accomplish many things other women have never had to learn.  Although I don't have the physical strength that a man does, I do have the ability to manage on my own so I often forget to ask for help.  I realize that this sometimes puts men off but I refuse to be something I am not.  A friend of mine is as self sufficient as I am.  She is successful, resourceful, and  intelligent.  However, when she is around men she plays the part of the dumb blond asking silly questions and acting as though she isn't incapable of managing anything.   Eventually, the true person emerges and the relationship ends.  I realize that trying to be someone I am not will offer an attraction initially but eventually my self sufficient self would emerge. So, I am what I am and if he can't take me as I am in the beginning, then he probably would not want me anyway. 

The result is that I spent today alone, content, and happy with my own company.  The only person I needed to impress is myself. I am not complaisant, I am content. Although I enjoy the company of others, the company I keep must to be the kind of company I enjoy.  There will be no compromises on this. The expectation I have of myself is that I work hard to be my personal best every day and not bend my values or shirk my responsibilities to meet the expectations of the rest of the world.  Love me or  leave me, I am who I am.

Butter and Sugar Sandwiches

Father's day has arrived and, as usual, I miss my dad very much.  Although my father is no longer with me, I feel  fortunate to have so many wonderful memories of  dad.

This morning I was reminiscing about a time when I was very young and we lived in the country, miles away from town.    One hot, humid afternoon I was very bored and, as children sometimes do, I was complaining. Usually my dad would take us fishing or do something outdoors. This particular day he had something important to finish so we were staying at home.  As I sat under a tree with my knees drawn up to my chin, I looked up to see my dad strolling towards me with a paper bag, a jug of water, and fishing poles.

There was a stream not far from our home that didn't have anything worth fishing for in it, but that is where he took me.  We sat by the stream with our hooks in the water as we listened to the sounds around us. As we sat enjoying the afternoon, my dad opened the paper bag to reveal some fruit and two butter and sugar sandwiches. Butter and sugar sandwiches were my favorite at the time. We had our snack and dad talked about the tadpoles in the water, his fishing experiences when he was young, and told me things about a few plants growing nearby.  For a time we just sat silently on the side of the stream as dad read a book while I dangled my feet in the water.  As an adult, I can appreciate the fact that this excursion was more about enjoying the time together than the actual activity.

Throughout my life, I was fortunate to have had many moments like these with my father.  What dad gave me in creating 'butter and sugar sandwich moments' were some wonderful memories and some very valuable life lessons.  I learned that relationships need the investment of time to thrive. It isn't always convenient, but people we care about need to be a priority in our lives.  He taught me loyalty. There were many times when it wasn't convenient for my father to involve me in his daily activities, yet he did it because I was important to him. I learned the value of compromise.  Instead of scolding me for being bored, dad attempted to understand my feelings and compromise his  time. Dad led by example and, through his actions, he taught me that all types of  relationships involve two people. It would never be only about me. No one is perfect but, if a relationship is important to us, we should want to maintain an awareness of what is important to the other person simply because  we care.  Dad taught me acceptance. He told me that no one is without flaws and he loved me in spite of my imperfections. My father taught me about loyalty by always being on my side, even when he didn't agree with my choices. I learned that a good friendship doesn't require constant conversation.  In the silent moments, compatibility creates it's own  feeling of comfort.  The most important lesson is that sometimes those 'butter and sugar sandwich moments' make the difference between sustaining a relationship or watching it fade away.

Thank you to my wonderful dad for the many 'butter and sugar sandwich moments' we shared over the years.

My Mother's Hands

While working in my garden last week, I pulled my hands from the soil and had a flashback as I saw my mother’s hands attached to my wrists. My mother is a creative woman and one of her passions is gardening. I remember watching my mom manipulate the soil around her roses with her small squared hands. Mom is a small woman who just reaches five feet tall yet I can't remember her being intimidated by anything and she would tackle any project with enthusiasm. Her little hands would sew stitches that were perfect and even.   These same tiny hands would fly up and down the piano keyboard with incredible speed as she played extremely complex pieces.





The relationship with my mother has always been turbulent. After I moved away from home, the relationship eventually disintegrated into nothingness. Although my mother is not a mean spirited woman, she is best described as being extremely self absorbed and not very forgiving. If she does not get her way she simply “cuts people out of her life.” I have never been able to understand how any mother could simply discard her own children the way some people toss out an old newspaper and it is beyond my comprehension how a woman who loves children so much can turn her back on her own.



I moved away from home three days after I graduated High School. My dad was worrying about my drive, offering advise,  and checking my car on the day that I left. My mother never acknowledged my departure.  I think that she was unhappy because I had arranged to stay with my older sister until I found  a place to live. She  had turned her back on my sister for something I considered to be unreasonable several years earlier.  I know she was angry that, not only was I not supporting her decision, I was leaving to stay with the enemy.  Mom sat in front of her piano and didn’t get up or say a word of goodbye because she was playing a complicated piece. Saying good bye to me could cause her to lose her concentration. I stood for a moment to watch as her hands manipulated the piano keys. Her fingers flew across the keyboard so quickly that they were a blur. As I drove away, my dad stood outside waving solemnly but I could see my mother through a family room window bent over her piano keyboard, completely focused on her music. She never broke her concentration and she did not even look to see her last child leaving home. At the time I was wondering if she felt anything. How could she not say goodbye? Was she indifferent or simply unwilling to deal with her feelings? Many years passed before I could listen to piano music without getting an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach.



When I reflect on what I admire about my mom, I think of her fighting spirit and her zest for life. My mother rarely exhibited fear and it seemed that no task was too much for her.  One evening when I was about 12 my mom, my sister, and I came home and found someone in our garage stealing gasoline from my mother’s car. Before we could stop mom, her little hands grabbed a stick and  she dashed into the garage. Moments later two large burly men were being chased down the street by my tiny mother. My father was, as usual,  upset at the risk she took.  Mom was able to assist the police in their capture of these men and for years she kept the large can of gasoline they dropped during their hasty departure. 

I have another memory of a time when she and my father had an argument.  After my father left for work, my mother took his boat without telling him, and we went to the lake. A storm was coming in and the water was getting rough. As we headed back to the dock we saw two men in the water clinging  to a small row boat that had capsized. Mom pulled alongside and we helped them into our boat. Between us, we were able to flip the capsized boat and tow it to shore. As we got home I remember the sight of my dad standing in the driveway and he looked upset. My little mother did not appear to be intimidated. Instead, she simply put her chin in the air and pranced right past him into the house. Dad was upset because she took the boat out without telling anyone where she was going but when he heard about the rescue he became upset about the risk she took. I recall the sight of my mom facing him, chin held high and hands on her hips as she replied  distinctly “..and exactly what would you have me do? Leave them there?  I am just as capable.....” Dad just stood and stared down at her for a long time.  He had no reply so he simply walked out of the house to calm down.





Mother’s day is approaching and I can’t help but compare my role as a mother to the role my own mother chose. By the time my mother was my age, she had purposely estranged herself from her two brothers, my father, and three of her four children. She had a different reason for each estrangement, but I don't feel that any of her reasons truly justified a reason to disown anyone. My sister and I attempted to keep an open line of communication because we hoped to give our children an opportunity to know their grandmother. All attempts have been rejected and today my mom does not know her own grandchildren. My mother is so stubborn, unforgiving, and often so self absorbed that it is easier for us not to be put in a position where we are forced to deal with her tirades and unreasonable demands.  Even so, I treasure my memories of her and I am sad that my children will never know the ornery little woman who chases burglars down the street in the evening and cries when she finds a bird with a broken wing the next day.





I could spend my life resenting my mother, but I don’t. Anger and resentment are negative emotions that accomplish nothing positive.  The victim mentality is a waste of time and I refuse to surrender to it. It is my belief that life is a journey and if my focus is on the view in the rear view mirror I will miss the opportunity to see the beautiful scenery that lies in front of me. As challenging as my mother can be, I treasure every memory because my experiences are what molded me into the person I have become. These experiences have made me stronger and the challenges have caused me to appreciate my blessings that much more.



I will admit  that I am disappointed because I was unable to maintain a relationship with my mother.  However,  mom is the one who made the choice so it is her loss. She denied herself the gift of family but I have two incredible children plus an extended family who always does something special to express their affection for me, not only on Mother’s day, but on many other days throughout the year.  So this year I will again send a Mother’s day card that will not be acknowledged because, although I am my mother's daughter, I choose a different response.


After every storm comes a rainbow and I have been blessed with many rainbows. My mother's day is a special day, not because of the relationship I have with my own mother, but because of the relationship with my own children, the memories I choose to treasure, and the choices I have made on my own journey through motherhood.


“Just because a person doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean that they don’t love you with all that they have got. “Source Unknown

Developing A Good Relationship With Oneself

"My favourite books, art pieces, films, and music, always have something jarring about them. I want art to make me think. In order to do that, it may piss me off, or make me uncomfortable. That promotes awareness and change, or at least some discussion. That is my intention. You can't move mountains by whispering at them."

  Pink

A few weeks ago I went to lunch with some ladies I know and, as I sat listening to them talk, I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself. The entire lunch consisted of conversation that was shallow and based on gossip about who isn't living life according to their standards. Life is too short to be wasting time with useless gossip and negativity so I made a graceful exit as soon as the opportunity presented itself. I have declined all invitations from them since. Unfortunately, I feel that the flavor of their conversation is a reflection of society today. There is so much going on in the world today including war, tornadoes, earthquakes, natural disasters, and an unstable political climate yet many people seem to be more focused on which celebrity is ruining his life with drugs and who is divorcing who. I have to ask myself, was mankind always this shallow or is the media simply magnifying what has always been there?

“A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”

Ben Franklin

When a disaster causes devastation, people express grief and are determined to help until they become distracted by a new article on some celebrity’s drama. Yet, we can’t blame the media because the media only produces what sells. Society today is faced with an overload of media pop culture that spoon feeds us someone else’s idea of perfection. I think that the focus on the articles about a beautiful woman’s physical imperfection, or some famous person who is experiencing a personal trauma, are simply a reminder that they are human too and  it reassures us that no one is perfect. Insecurity seems to be the driver causing people to focus on the failures of those who are perceived to have attained a certain level of perfection in their life. It is almost as though people look for a sense of reassurance that even those who we perceive to be perfect …really aren’t.

“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” Unknown

I wonder if  people value looks, money, success, fame, and job titles because it is what they feel will provide the key to acceptance. Therefore, does society witness what they view as perfection of others and then strive to attain that same level of success thinking that this will be their key to happiness?   To be special, loved, accepted and valued are basic human needs. Ironically, we all possess the ability to have a happy, confident, fulfilled life through self-acceptance. By attempting to emulate the ideals of someone else we risk becoming a spectator in our own life often sacrificing the unique qualities that make us who we are. In order to stop being a spectator we must first be willing to accept the roles of director and leading actor in our own life.  We need to stop trying to be like everyone else and just learn to develop a good relationship with our self.

"Done looking for the critics because they are everywhere

They don't like my jeans they don't like my hair

We exchange ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do we do that?"

Pink

My circle of friends are kind, intelligent, articulate people who don’t rely on designer clothes or plastic surgery to make their lives complete. We would rather spend $200 on a plane ticket to experience a new adventure than on a pair of designer jeans. When I am with my friends, we share the successes and the struggles in our lives but soon our conversations turns into lively discussions about politics, history, books, gardening tips, we share recipes, and discuss whatever new adventure we are currently pursuing. A group of us met for dinner the other evening and, as I was driving home, I realized how refreshing it was to spend the evening conversing with women who have actively taken the lead in their own lives. By  learning to accept ourselves, flaws and all, we revel in our differences rather than trying to hide them. In doing this, we have also learned to be more accepting of differences in others. Mutual interests are what bond us but it is actually the differences that keep the conversation alive. None of us are spectators to our own lives because we are too busy living our lives to be concerned about someone else's idea of perfection.

“Man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his own soul and the director of his own life.” James Allen.

The only constant in life is change. Even if we feel we have attained some level of perfection in our life, change is inevitable. Whether the change comes through a change in address, job, financial situation, divorce, death, illness, or a change in family dynamics change will come. What will strengthen us and help us navigate change is the relationship we have with ourselves. Not only does it make us stronger, happier, and more fulfilled it is also more enjoyable than trying to live a life that is just outside of our reach. Learning to have a good relationship with myself  has set me free as I am no longer restricted by thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that I once thought were mandatory. My goal is to accept who I am, have a good relationship with myself, and remember that I can’t be unique and like everyone else at the same time.

" It took me  a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." Sally Field

This Adventure We Call Life

"Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realize that, the sooner we will treat life as art."

Maya Angelou

We live in such an angry world today. War, destruction of our planet, criticism as a form of entertainment ,  and movies and TV programs that focus on horrific forms of death is all met with a sense of acceptance.    I am not a person who enjoys spending hours in front of the television anyway so  I see no point in being entertained by senseless violence, tragedy, and disappointments.  My goal is to keep my  life filled with activities and people that offer positive experiences.  Someone told me once that I shouldn't ignore the ugliness in this world.   I do keep myself abreast of what is happening around me but I refuse to dwell on the  negative.

" The ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and contemplation rather than on mere survival."

Aristotle

Life can be a wonderful adventure and I try to counter the ugliness in this world with the beauty of the outdoors, art, music,  positive people, and  positive experiences.  I volunteer whenever an opportunity  arises to support a cause I care about.  Not only do I find it rewarding, but I enjoy being around people who are trying to make a difference.  Since I am fortunate enough to have more than I ever hoped for, giving my time is my small way of giving something back.  Writing a check is often the easiest way to give but time is more valuable because it cannot be replaced. What I find is that I  get back so much more from my meager efforts than  I contribute.

I love animals and children so this is where the focus of my efforts. is.  One of my regular volunteer events is with the zoo.  Since I started to volunteer, over a year ago, I have learned that the Phoenix Zoo's contribution extends beyond viewing animals. The zoo is involved in a cooperative effort of  research and preservation of  animals and plants from around the Globe. During my time at the zoo,  I have had the opportunity to  meet some incredible people and learn amazing things about the world we live in.

These last few weeks we have been planting near a new orangutan enclosure which isn't open to the public yet.  Yesterday, the horticulturist got my attention and pointed above me.  As I raised my head I saw a small orangutan clinging to the fencing as it watched me with curious eyes.  This enclosure will not open for a week but the keeper was nearby and she was able to enlighten us about the exhibit. The curious orangutan was one of the younger ones, not quite 5 years old, and he followed us around with curiosity in his eyes tilting his head this way and that. His actions were similar to a five year old child and the keeper commented that "he must be curious about the two legged animal."

"Different men seek happiness in different ways and by different means"

Aristotle

This type of work is not for everyone but it appeals to me. It is the type of work where I can get my hands dirty and no one is concerned if my shoes match my shirt. I absolutely love it.  During my time at the zoo I have made many friends. One of my favorites is Charlie, the 600lb tortoise with lots of personality, who follows me around to be petted and eat lettuce from my hand.  I met a giraffe who is curious and enjoys being in the company of humans but doesn't like to be touched. He does like  to be hand fed though and will use his lips and long tongue to gently take vegetables from my fingers. His temperament is unlike the angora sheep who lacks any shyness and reminds me of an adoring puppy who loves any kind of attention. This sheep especially enjoys having having his ears scratched.  If I am kneeling down, he will come over to put his head under my arm prodding me to pet him.  Recently, I discovered that a hawk will regurgitate it's stomach contents on you as a form of defense (thankfully I only observed this and didn't endure it), and I encountered a monkey who screeches to wake the other animals in the morning right after it's handler puts it back in it's enclosure. This clever little monkey has been getting out of it's enclosure at night to go wait by the front gate for it's handler.  The zoo personnel are baffled and  have been trying to discover how he escapes without success.  I enjoy learning about the nuances of the zoo society and with  each visit I learn something new about the world I live in.

"If you don't like something, change it.  If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

Maya Angelou

Most of the time I prefer the company of the animals to what I am exposed to in human society.  Within the animal culture, life is about survival and protection.  In almost every circumstance, an animal tends to deal with whatever issue it is faced with and then move on with it's life.  Although nature does have it's violent side, it doesn't start wars to solve to a dispute.  

Since shock value is what sells,  the type of information that saturates the media is usually negative and followed by the horrific details. I don't avoid what goes on in this world but  the facts, not the details, are what I review.  People are bombarded with negative news. Even the gossip magazines primarily sell information that has a focus on who is failing, breaking up, fighting, or doing something socially unacceptable.   Wars are started by angry people,  indifference and greed is destroying our planet, but I know that happiness is a choice.  I am well aware of the tragedy in the world  so I do what I can to help because every little bit makes a difference.  However, I won't spend my days grieving because we live in an imperfect world. Happiness is a choice.  I cannot remain idle waiting for happiness to find me so  I purposely incorporate events into my life that make me happy.  After all,  the only way to avoid staying in the same place is by trying to move forward.


I choose to be happy and I also choose action over observance. By looking for positive experiences, and opportunities to contribute to a better world,  I am constantly finding new areas of life to explore.  With each experience I am reminded that life is an adventure well worth living. What I receive from this life depends on what I am willing to put into it and it all  begins with my attitude. 

"We are what we repeatedly do. Therefore, excellence is not an act, but a habit."

Aristotle.



Reflections On Life

"I am just a guinea pig in this experiment called life."

George Carlin

As another birthday approaches, I have been reflecting on how grateful I am for my blessings. I did not enter this world with an instruction manual and a warranty for my equipment.  This life has been a "learn as I go experience."  Although I am happy, I realize that my life is what it is because of the  lessons I have learned along the way, the choices I have made, and the people I choose to share my time with.  In spite of everything I have experienced, there are still so many things  I want to learn, experience, share, and do. 

"We cannot prepare for defeat then expect to live a life of victory. Crows cannot fly with eagles."

Joel O'Steen'Stee

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When  my life was disappointing or painful , my first instinct has always been to withdraw until I have had time to heal.  On one occasion, when I was sitting at home with a broken heart, a respected friend told me that the best way to move forward is to avoid sitting still.  She said to do something I am afraid of every single day and never surrender to fear.  Things will not always go as planned, not everyone will understand you, but  we should never decline the opportunity to run the race because of the fear that we may lose.   Every race has a lesson to teach us so we do ourselves a disservice by surrendering our power to negative thinking. 

"None of us enjoy going through struggles, but you have to understand that your struggle may be an opportunity for advancement and promotion. The very thing you are fighting against so tenaciously may be the springboard that catapults you to a new level of excellence. Your challenges can become your greatest assets." Joel Osteen

Following my friend's advise wasn't the easiest thing to do but I was determined to try.  I recall wondering what fear I should attempt to conquer first.  It had been years since I sat in a restaurant eating dinner alone so that was my first personal challenge. Today I spend time volunteering at the zoo, I volunteer for the blind and dyslexic, the Children's Hospital, The Cancer Society, I kayak, I hike, I bike ride, I work for animals, and, if I have no friends to share an experience with, I go alone because I have learned to enjoy my own company.  I no longer feel guilty for putting negative people at a distance which gives me more time to focus on building better relationships with the friends and family who are important to me.  By following this simple rule,  I have done more than I ever would have dreamed of  doing had I spent my time at home letting sadness and defeat control me.  Now I spend time doing what I feel is best without worrying about the opinions of others. 

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.

Henry Thoreau

How can anyone say they are being true to themselves when they easily accept defeat.  What do we accomplish when we spend most of our time time worrying about  the opinions of others instead of how to invest in our own quality of life?  Too many people measure their success by watching the accomplishment of others. But our success should be measured by how close we have come to reaching our own personal goals.  No one can be be true to themself and everyone else at the same time.  Comparing ourselves to others is a dangerous game.  Life offers no guarantee that we will all move at the same pace. There will always be someone who excels at something that we struggle to manage and there is always someone who isn't as proficient with something we excel at.  Yet, anyone who is genuine and truly cares about us will accept us for who we are, flaws included.

"If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher on that side of the fence  too." Maya Angelou

When we feel hurt and defeated, surrender will initially appear to be the easier choice.  However, at the end of the day we will discover that all we have done is surrender our power to negative thinking only to accomplish nothing.  We are  each born with our own set of unique talents and have a life of opportunity in front of us. Life is not defined by the car we drive or the balance in our checking account.  Just as an ocean is comprised of billions of drops of water, our life is comprised of our many experiences.  We need to give ourself  permission to feel pain but, when we surrender to sadness and feelings of defeat , we have also surrendered our power.  What we accomplish is up to us.   We can be our own greatest asset or our own greatest obstacle.  The result depends on our attitude.  Each of us has the ability to  find victory by conquering defeat just one fear at a time.  The bible says that every sin begins with a thought.  I believe that every defeat begins the same way.  The world offers no guarantees but the possibilities are without limit.  However, the end result depends on us.

"The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

 Mark Twain