"My favourite books, art pieces, films, and music, always have something jarring about them. I want art to make me think. In order to do that, it may piss me off, or make me uncomfortable. That promotes awareness and change, or at least some discussion. That is my intention. You can't move mountains by whispering at them."
Pink
A few weeks ago I went to lunch with some ladies I know and, as I sat listening to them talk, I realized I wasn’t enjoying myself. The entire lunch consisted of conversation that was shallow and based on gossip about who isn't living life according to their standards. Life is too short to be wasting time with useless gossip and negativity so I made a graceful exit as soon as the opportunity presented itself. I have declined all invitations from them since. Unfortunately, I feel that the flavor of their conversation is a reflection of society today. There is so much going on in the world today including war, tornadoes, earthquakes, natural disasters, and an unstable political climate yet many people seem to be more focused on which celebrity is ruining his life with drugs and who is divorcing who. I have to ask myself, was mankind always this shallow or is the media simply magnifying what has always been there?
“A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.”
Ben Franklin
When a disaster causes devastation, people express grief and are determined to help until they become distracted by a new article on some celebrity’s drama. Yet, we can’t blame the media because the media only produces what sells. Society today is faced with an overload of media pop culture that spoon feeds us someone else’s idea of perfection. I think that the focus on the articles about a beautiful woman’s physical imperfection, or some famous person who is experiencing a personal trauma, are simply a reminder that they are human too and it reassures us that no one is perfect. Insecurity seems to be the driver causing people to focus on the failures of those who are perceived to have attained a certain level of perfection in their life. It is almost as though people look for a sense of reassurance that even those who we perceive to be perfect …really aren’t.
“To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are.” Unknown
I wonder if people value looks, money, success, fame, and job titles because it is what they feel will provide the key to acceptance. Therefore, does society witness what they view as perfection of others and then strive to attain that same level of success thinking that this will be their key to happiness? To be special, loved, accepted and valued are basic human needs. Ironically, we all possess the ability to have a happy, confident, fulfilled life through self-acceptance. By attempting to emulate the ideals of someone else we risk becoming a spectator in our own life often sacrificing the unique qualities that make us who we are. In order to stop being a spectator we must first be willing to accept the roles of director and leading actor in our own life. We need to stop trying to be like everyone else and just learn to develop a good relationship with our self.
"Done looking for the critics because they are everywhere
They don't like my jeans they don't like my hair
We exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do we do that?"
Pink
My circle of friends are kind, intelligent, articulate people who don’t rely on designer clothes or plastic surgery to make their lives complete. We would rather spend $200 on a plane ticket to experience a new adventure than on a pair of designer jeans. When I am with my friends, we share the successes and the struggles in our lives but soon our conversations turns into lively discussions about politics, history, books, gardening tips, we share recipes, and discuss whatever new adventure we are currently pursuing. A group of us met for dinner the other evening and, as I was driving home, I realized how refreshing it was to spend the evening conversing with women who have actively taken the lead in their own lives. By learning to accept ourselves, flaws and all, we revel in our differences rather than trying to hide them. In doing this, we have also learned to be more accepting of differences in others. Mutual interests are what bond us but it is actually the differences that keep the conversation alive. None of us are spectators to our own lives because we are too busy living our lives to be concerned about someone else's idea of perfection.
“Man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his own soul and the director of his own life.” James Allen.
The only constant in life is change. Even if we feel we have attained some level of perfection in our life, change is inevitable. Whether the change comes through a change in address, job, financial situation, divorce, death, illness, or a change in family dynamics change will come. What will strengthen us and help us navigate change is the relationship we have with ourselves. Not only does it make us stronger, happier, and more fulfilled it is also more enjoyable than trying to live a life that is just outside of our reach. Learning to have a good relationship with myself has set me free as I am no longer restricted by thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that I once thought were mandatory. My goal is to accept who I am, have a good relationship with myself, and remember that I can’t be unique and like everyone else at the same time.
" It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes." Sally Field
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