Focus On The Journey, Not The Destination

 Mother's day was about a week ago and this was the first Mother’s Day that I have not had a Mother to buy a card for. Fortunately, I have wonderful children who did things to make the day extra special but I still felt a little nostalgic. My mom passed away a few months ago and I have kept myself busy, almost too busy, in an effort to insulate myself from the sorrow. However,  In those moments of sorrow and reflection I often found myself thinking of my life when I was growing up. As I mused on this, I realized that my childhood was a simpler time for me, but that was because my parents were the ones who took responsibility for the big things in life.  The life that I have now isn’t any simpler than the life my parents had, it is simply different. One of the biggest differences between myself and my parents is that my parents worked hard but they also made a point of carving out time for the simple pleasures. Yet, as I strive for better, I am not as consistent in making time for  simple things that serve no purpose other than making me happy.

“If you would rather live surrounded by pristine objects than by the traces of happy memories, stay focused on the tangible things. Otherwise, stop fixating on stuff you can touch and start caring about stuff that touches you.”

Martha Beck.

Over-commitment is something I have always struggled with and a couple of months ago I was home enjoying a beautiful spring day when an old memory surfaced. I remembered sitting at my mom’s piano learning a new piece of music as the spring sunshine and the smell of flowers filled the room. This is a memory that hasn’t surfaced for years but I felt a sense of happiness as I remembered the many hours that I spent at the piano playing, composing, and learning. Over the years I stopped making time to play the piano because I had other priorities. From time to time I considered taking up my piano again, however, time was a precious commodity and piano is a daily commitment so I  put if off for another day. On this particular morning, as I stood in front of that open window, I found myself smiling over an old memory and wished with all of my being that I could relive a few of those moments.

My parents understood the value of making time for things that would enrich the spirit. When I was growing up, creativity was encouraged. My mother had a music degree and she taught both Piano and Music theory. Music was such a part of our daily routine that, for the longest time, I didn’t even realize that there are some people who can’t read music. Although Music is still a large part of my life in many ways, I no longer play. On a whim, I went it and sat at my piano to play but my fingers were no longer limber. I made a commitment to practice scales and cadences daily until my scales actually sounded like notes flowing up the keyboard again.  I have made time for piano every day since and I enjoy every moment of it. Playing again is like reconnecting to an old friend. I feel as though I am renewing my bond with Beethoven. It occurred to me that in my quest for the idyllic life I have sacrificed those simple pleasures and, in doing so, I may have cheated myself.

A few days later I was listening to a friend of mine make a similar statement. She asked me, “Why is it that I hesitate to give my self permission to just make time for things that just make me happy?” I thought of  something I read once called “The Station” by Robert J Hastings and I decided that I need to re-evaluate some of my priorities.

…..“But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. At a certain day, on a certain hour, we will pull into the station. Bands will be playing and flags will be waving. Once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true and the pieces of our lives will fit together like a completed jig saw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering………waiting,  waiting, waiting... for the station.

“When we reach the station that will be it!” we cry………when I turn 18, when I finally buy my new Mercedes, when I put my last kid through college, when I payoff my mortgage, when I get a promotion, when I reach retirement age……….then I shall live happily ever after.

Sooner or later we must realize that there is no station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us. “Relish the moment” is a good motto. It is not the burdens of today that drive men mad. It is the regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who rob us of today. “

Quote from “The Station “

By Robert J Hastings.

 I  made a commitment to create time for things that just make me happy. Knowing that I tend to be driven I need to remember a quote by Joel Osteen, "Sometimes our greatest strength is also our greatest weakness." 



This Mother's day my son wanted to take me out for dinner.  I like to cook and have several shelves of old cookbooks and one of the things that makes me happy is trying a new recipe or a different cooking technique. Food brings people together but I realized that, in an effort to save time, we often go out for dinner. I was craving comfort food from home so I suggested that my son come over and we can make dinner.

The dinner was great but the camaraderie was even better. We are both very busy and the time to prepare, cook, and clean up gave us time to catch up. The day reinforced the idea that I need to make time for those simple pleasures which I put off until tomorrow because there is no guarantee of a tomorrow.

We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

What I find  ironic is that while focusing on  the more tangible aspects of life in order to make the journey more pleasant it is easy to forget to just enjoy the journey. Sometimes we all just need a little reminder.  I know that I do. As I was reflecting on how to rearrange my schedule to make time for these happy moments...I broke my foot.  Limited mobility forced me to slow down but it also helped me realize that there is no excuse not to carve out time for things that just make me happy.  I think that the universe is trying to tell me something and I get the message loud and clear. There is no station waiting for me. Life is  the journey, not the destination.