Remembering To Dance

 

 

“And now I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end,

 the way it all would go.

Our lives are better left to chance.

I could have missed the pain but I’d have had to miss the dance.”

The Dance

Garth Brooks.

 

Life has been difficult recently.  For a short time I couldn’t sleep, I didn’t have any appetite, and I couldn’t focus.   It felt as though I was sleepwalking through life; but I didn’t want to stay there. I wanted to get to a place where I could move forward but it felt as though I was navigating through a thick fog. Then, just a few days ago, some tortured soul jumped off of the building where I work to make a permanent exit. I have tragedy in my life too so I had to wonder why someone would do such a thing.  As sad as I have been, taking my own life has never crossed my mind. Actually, running away to a tropical paradise and imbibing in many of those fruity drinks laced with alcohol as I read a good book and watch the waves roll to shore is more my style.    If a kayak were involved, I could focus on my paddle stroke and clear my mind. This would make the whole experience perfect.    

 

“Life is simple but we insist on making it complicated.”

Confucius

It is usually some small event that will help me adjust my perspective on life. The catalyst that helped me take that first step out of my foggy state was a conversation with a good friend who carries the drama of others on her shoulders as though it were her own.   Over coffee I listened as my friend lamented about the decisions one of her other friends was making.  When she stopped to take a breath I said, “I understand why you see a problem but how is this impacting you?”  She told me that it wasn’t impacting her but it was frustrating to see her friend do things that do not make sense.  I told her that if it isn’t hurting anyone, and it isn’t impacting her personally, then why is she personalizing it?   My friend is small in stature but has the tenacity of a Bulldog so just letting anything go really isn’t in her nature.  Therefore, I wasn’t surprised when she began to elaborate on her friend’s issues and defend her frustration.  Once again I simply asked, “How does this affect you again?”  She said, “Well, it doesn’t.”  I asked again, “Is it hurting anyone?” She said “Well, no.”  I then surprised both of us as I stood up and began to sing the song “Let it Go” from the movie Frozen accompanied by the eloquent arm gestures.  Within minutes we were both laughing so hard that it hurt and, once we caught our breath, she admitted that I had a point.

 

After the song fest, I realized that this was the first time in weeks I have felt completely happy so I decided that perhaps the way to move forward is to look at things from a different perspective. I decided that I needed to embrace my sadness instead of fighting it. A lot of the media hype would have us believe that we should be living in a constant state of euphoric bliss, which is an unrealistic expectation. The reality is that life is a messy combination of pleasant and painful moments.   There are times when life is simply going to be uncomfortable, or even painful, and it is in these times that the feelings of sadness and grief are normal.  The problem isn't about feeling sad. The problem surfaces if I allow myself to become so immersed in grief that I become too comfortable there and stop moving forward.   

“The art of living lies in the finite mingling of letting go and holding on.”

H. Lewis.

Two years ago I had to relocate my mother to an assisted living facility, sell my childhood home, and I watch helplessly as Alzheimer disease claims her. I treasure the good days and the bad days are heartbreaking but I refuse to live in that sad place all of the time.  This year my older sister was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  A month ago, less than five months after her diagnosis, I was sitting at her bedside as the cancer took her.  My sister’s death hit me hard, even harder than I expected it to, but I know that staying in a place of pain benefits no one. Grief is warranted but there is absolutely nothing I can do to change what has happened.

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

C.S. Lewis

 

Someone told me once that life is a symphony and our quality of life depends on how we dance to the music.  After the conversation with my friend, and once the laughter had subsided, I realized that I had almost stopped dancing.   It had been weeks since I genuinely enjoyed a good laugh. I became acutely aware of how much I have to be grateful for and began to think that perhaps the difficult part of life is like the white background on the page of a book.  The white space defines the black ink to make the words identifiable just as the pain in life is necessary to define the happy moments.  Over the last week I have been laughing again and I am counting all of my blessings.  There are still moments when I have to hold back tears,   like when  my mother forgets that my sister is gone and asks how she is doing, so I just remind myself that the sadness is normal.  For first time in weeks I am beginning to hear the music. Now I am beginning to enjoy the dance again.  I  wish that the poor soul who jumped would have kept trying to listen for the music too.