Life Is Too Short To Worry About Mayonnaise

I usually put people into one of two categories.  The first group strives for excellence but they don’t worry about inconsequential details. If you ask this group what they had for lunch the answer will be quick at to the point. These folks have a ‘just the facts ma am’ mentality and the only detail about their lunch would probably be their opinion on the food quality.  The second group compartmentalizes and over analyzes absolutely everything. This group not only worries about the factual details, they also spend a great deal of time worrying about what could happen.    If you ask them what they had for lunch they will describe their turkey sandwich in great detail and share their opinion about everything right down to the quality of the mayonnaise.  I happen to be part of the former group because I believe that life is too short to worry about mayonnaise.

 

Recently I  have been pondering some religious attitudes and the way some religious leaders overthink the process. Church and religion are supposed to be about people coming together as a group to worship a God of Love but the more religious views I hear, the more I feel that Christians have tried to over think the process. In other words,  it seems as though certain folks are so focused on the mayonnaise that they have lost sight of how delicious the lunch is. 

 

I was fortunate to have been raised by parents who encouraged me to be my own unique self.  Since I tend to be a progressive thinker and a bit of a rebel, I am certain that my parents didn't have an easy time raising me. However, as long as my moral compass was engaged my mother and my father accepted that these traits are what makes me …me.  I am grateful to my parents for giving me the autonomy to  be my authentic self but in my college years I lived near a relative who likes to focus on the mayonnaise.  The thing about mayonnaise people is that they spend an inordinate amount of effort trying to compartmentalize every aspect of life to fit their expectations. Anyone who lives life outside of their self-imposed compartments will inevitably fall short of their expectations only to be shunned from the group and gossiped about.  These relatives considered me to be too worldly.  Their critical view of me made me question my own authenticity solely because I wasn't living up to their expectations.  Before long I realized that I was being judged, not because I was doing anything wrong, but simply because I wasn't living life by their rules. Basically, they ostracized me because I wasn’t focusing on their brand of mayonnaise.  Although  I didn't realize it at the time, when they shunned me it was a blessing in disguise.    The short story is that these folks followed a strict religious doctrine and my religious views didn't align with theirs. I tried to live up to their expectations without succeeding which caused me to question my own value.  It was a vicious circle so when they eventually shunned me, it set me free. 

 

Perhaps this is why I like to watch and read things that will remind me that  when my preferred brand of mayonnaise is not  the same brand as someone else's it doesn't diminish my value.  The Ted Talk videos inspire me because these videos have speakers who accomplished amazing things by not limiting themselves to the expectations of others.  An article in the Huffington Post written by Brenee Brown defines the danger of expectations clearly; "Well-meaning but unchecked expectations are loaded with potential shame and resentment bombs:   "I'll have fun at the party if I'm different from the way I am now. I'm not enough." or"I'll feel good about myself if other people notice me. My self-worth is riding on my ability to control other people's behavior."   Her words sum it all up.  If we try to define our lives by someone else's standards we sacrifice our authenticity. 

The bible says that we should love one another and that 'thou shalt not judge 'but Christians are notorious for claiming that they don't judge as they simultaneously set rigid expectations that everyone else is supposed to live up to in order to gain acceptance.  This approach is causing Christianity to be scrutinized very closely these days. The news articles I have seen are now using adjectives like rigid, biased, misogyny and pernicious to describe religious views.  These are harsh words and I think these references should be a wake up call to all of the religious over thinkers.  As Christians, we should remain mindful that our words and actions can either be the first step in igniting the power in others or the first step in disabling someone’s spirit.  

 

Webster’s Dictionary defines religion as a “system of worship to a God or Gods.” My interpretation of this definition is that religion is not God.  Religion is merely a gathering of people with shared values seeking to honor the same God. What I experienced many years ago, and what I see exhibited by some Christian groups today,  is a belief system that is so rigid that the primary focus has deviated from honoring God into  a ‘my way or the highway’ approach which encourages exclusion for anyone who prefers a different brand of mayonnaise.  I personally feel that it is time for Christians stop monitoring to see if others are living up to a set of self imposed expectations and simply keep the focus on developing a spirit of love, acceptance, and forgiveness. 

 

 

I attend church from time to time and I pray daily, but I worship God. I do not worship a church. I do not worship a religion. God gives us the free will to accept or deny him regardless of age, gender, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation.  God doesn't discriminate and  he knows that we are imperfect. His understanding of our propensity for sin is why he sent his son to create a way for mankind to move beyond our sin and get closer to him through  prayer and forgiveness. The bible says that God looks at what is in our hearts while the expectations established by mankind are merely the rules of man, not God. I simply believe that God also feels that life is too just short to worry about the mayonnaise.

Getting Back to Real

 

I recently took a week off for no particular reason other than the fact that I desperately needed a break.  One of my many faults is that I allow myself to become so busy that I focus only on what needs to be done as I scramble to schedule a few minutes of time for living each day. Therefore,  I didn’t want to have a schedule during my time off. My only objective was to relax and accomplish items on my task list without worrying about my outlook calendar.  It felt so indulgent to  have the luxury of focusing on what I wanted to accomplish and then follow through at my leisure without worrying about schedules and deadlines.   The sense of freedom can be a powerful emotion and I felt a tremendous sense of freedom the entire week.

 

My plan was to try to complete a list of tasks that needed to be done, do some shopping, and spend time with family and friends.   Toward the end of my time off I took a look at what was left to be done and was shocked when I realized that the task list which had seemed so intimidating a few days before was almost complete. Apparently I had been viewing my ‘to do’ list from a perspective rooted in my busy schedule and that had made things look more problematic than they actually were. 

 

I emerged from my week of freedom and caught up on the news. The news was full of cruelty and war so I switched to the entertainment section which wasn’t any better because it was filled with gossip and criticism. 

It seems as though being mean to others has become the new normal and the spirit of meanness is reflected in every facet of our society.  Bullying is a  serious concern in schools, an attitude of mean indifference is apparent as we watch children attempt to murder with no remorse, animals are tortured by people who have no respect for living things, and corporate conglomerates destroy the earth as they pour poison into our environment at an alarming rate even though cancer and other life threatening conditions are increasing to the point of being a common household conversation. Taking a break from the media raised my awareness on how indifferent the world has become.

 

A song on the radio by Pearl Jam called In Hiding reminded me of a friend who is a  huge fan of Pearl Jam.  He talks endlessly about the band and their music so I end up absorbing tidbits of information through sheer osmosis.  The song In Hiding was influenced by the writings of Charles Bukowski. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam was asked about the meaning of the song In Hiding in an interview and he said,

 

"The song was about taking a fast from life, doing anything to get yourself back in touch with something real. Abstinence from anything is cool, because the normalcy of life is deceptive: It's enjoyable for a while, and there are good moments, but sometimes that's not enough. You start questioning what's the point."

Interview with Eddie Vedder

Philadelphia inquirer 1998.

 

 

I think Eddie Vedder was onto something. After taking a week of fasting from my day to day routine I can see how easy it is to allow our lives become so saturated with the business of life, the cruelty in the news, the negativity of the gossip columns that it desensitizes us,  My week of vacation without a schedule was my way of fasting from life so I could reconnect with 'something real.'

 

To be honest, I really don't care for the music of Pearl Jam but their lyrics have been the subject of some great conversations with my friends.  I also like the spirit of their music even if I don't care for the music itself and I have enjoyed some of the literature that influenced their music, which is why I read  Daniel Quinn's  novel Ishmael which was the inspiration for the song  Do The Evolution by Pearl Jam.

 

Daniel  Quinn’s message is that mankind believes that they are the center of the Universe, discounting the value of other species. Quinn seeks to challenge this idea by speaking from the perspective of a Gorilla. He refers to Totalitarian Agriculture, which is defined as the notion that all food on the planet belongs exclusively to humans. He also references The Great Forgetting, which is a theory that society ignores the fact that humans are but one biological species among a whole community of biological species and that we are only one part of the system of life. Since life itself is not dependent on humans, then humans cannot be exempted from the biological system of life yet mankind acts as though the world was created exclusively for man alone while placing both industry and economy as the force for their existence. This forces people into a system that stifles and devalues both the system of life and a person’s individuality.  Eventually people end up becoming just a cog in the machine.

 

What started me thinking about the book was when I heard Pearl Jam's song on the radio. The song was like a reminder that I have become too caught up with my ambition to succeed and, in doing so, I risk becoming just another cog in the machine.

 

A week off, a song on the radio, and memories of a book I read long ago reminds me that we humans are only one part of this circle of life, we are not the circle itself. 

 

 This was a productive vacation. Not only did I complete the items on my task list but I revisited a few basic truths about life: 

• I like my job but my work is what I do, not who I am.
• My self-worth is not defined by the results of my productivity,  by the house I own, my social status, or the balance in my bank account. 
• Sometimes it is necessary to take a fast from my routine so I can reconnect with my own life.
• I am simply one part of the circle of life and the circle does not revolve around me The  circle is made up of many parts. 

 

In the beginning of the book Ishmael,(the Gorilla) asks “With man gone, is there hope for Gorilla?”  At the end of the book, the Ishmael asks “With Gorilla gone is there hope for man?”

 

In an effort keep my perspective, I posted  my own sign with two questions on a wall  where I will see it every day to remind me of where I fit in the big picture. Hopefully this will help me stay in touch with what is real until my next vacation break.

 

Can the world survive without man?

 

Can man survive without the world?