Responding to The Critics

 

"I have always believed that women are not victims, we are agents of change, we are drivers of progress, we are makers of peace -- all we need is a fighting chance."

Hillary Clinton

This is women's history month and I have decided to purchase a book on Hillary Clinton because Ms. Clinton is not afraid to fight for what she believes in, she is not afraid to be unpopular, and she refuses to be silent on issues that she is passionate about.  Since Bill Clinton was president I have watched, and admired, how Hillary Clinton responded to the personal trauma and negative publicity after her husband’s infidelity and then continue to amaze us as she evolved into one of the most powerful and admired women of our day. I personally admire Hillary Clinton because when her personal life is under media scrutiny, or she was being criticized for being too outspoken, she didn’t surrender to the criticism.  She simply continued to hold her head up as she went on to fight for what she believed in.  How can anyone not admire that?

"There's that kind of double bind that women find themselves in. On the one hand, yes, be smart, stand up for yourself. On the other hand, don't offend anybody, don't step on toes, or you'll become somebody that nobody likes because you're too assertive."

Hillary Clinton.

Opposition in life is inevitable.  I still see a discriminatory attitude from time to time but I make it a point to remember that critics are everywhere.  If someone writes a book, makes a movie, or makes an unpopular decision there will always be someone trying to devalue the result.  If we pick up an entertainment magazine the media focuses on the failures and the awkward moments.  When we take a stand for what we believe in, whether we have a valid point or not, there will always be adversaries who try to undermine us.   Our greatest strength comes from having faith in our own value and refusing to let the critics silence us.

I am not implying that we should discount the opinions of others but there are two types of critics. There are those who care about us and offer constructive criticism. Then there is everyone else who only offers destructive criticism.  It is important to identify which is which. 

Do what you feel in your heart to be right because you will be criticized anyway.  You are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

My attitude was  defined at a young age.  Shortly after I started my first real job there was a department shuffle and I ended up working with a group of men. I was the only woman and my new boss,  who sort of looked like the Grinch in The Grinch That Stole Christmas, came up to me and asked me to stand up.  He put me in front of the department and walked in a circle around me as he looked me up and down.  Then he asked me “Are you married?”  I said no. “Are you engaged?” I said no.  He then laughed out loud and said “Well, once a woman gets off of her back and out of the kitchen she isn’t worth much. Now you know what I think of you.”  During this era, sexual discrimination was still new to the courts. My sister suggested that I file a complaint but I didn’t.  I pushed forward with the hope that if I was friendly, professional, and worked really hard it would be enough. As it turned out, nothing I could do was enough.  I was being singled out because of  my gender so neither a friendly disposition nor all of the hard work in the world would change the predisposed attitude of this man.  A few months later I quit with no job waiting for me.

I survived that experience, and became a stronger woman because of it, but I also made a commitment to myself that I would never accept that type of treatment again from anyone. This helped me define my own value. I now know that when someone criticizes me simply because of who I am then being friendly and working harder isn’t going to change anything. That experience taught me that people who have predisposed ideas and a closed mind  only offer destructive criticism when they are faced with a difference that makes them uncomfortable.  This is a divisive attitude that shouldn’t exist in this day and age but, even though it is becoming less common, it still exists.  

Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly.

Robert Kennedy

I sometimes feel that young women today seem to be oblivious of the bias that the women who came before us had to fight.  The women like Gloria Steinem, Eleanor Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton, or the education advocate Malala Yousafzai  helps to remind me that the attitude of others does not define who I am.  We  need strong role models like Hillary Clinton to remind us to be true to our authentic selves and to refuse to let others define our value because there will always be someone to give a voice to the destructive criticism.  

I refuse to settle for mediocrity and I fully intend to continue take risks.  No one has the right to tell me that I do not have the right to a voice because of my gender, ethnicity, or age so I will continue to assert myself.  There is no shame in failing to succeed, there is only shame when we are too afraid to try and, when I am tempted to let the opinions of others hold me back, I will simply remember that those who care about me will offer constructive criticism while the others are simply not worthy of my time. 

“One fifth of the people are against everything all of the time.”

Robert Kennedy