Finding Balance

Life has a way of forcing us to reevaluate our perspective every so often.  My schedule is stretched thin these days and I find myself trying to multi task just to keep up.  On a weekday I leave the house early and I am lucky to arrive home before dark with no time in between for personal tasks. Weekends are the only time that I have to do errands and chores. A few Saturdays ago I sat down with my coffee and then I just couldn't get started with my to do list.  I needed to dust and vacuum but I literally could not get off of the couch so I ended up reading a book that had been sitting on my night table, finishing it in a single day. 

A few days later I talked to a friend about feeling stuck and my inability to start my day.   I told her that my lack of motivation on that day was so unsettling that I was thinking about seeing a counselor.  "You don't seem depressed or anything.  Are you depressed?" She asks me.  I told her that I wasn't depressed but I was just having a hard time juggling my 'to do' list and it frustrated me because lately I struggle just  to get started.  She pointed out that a few years ago my life had some semblance of balance so I would schedule time for myself but lately she hasn't seen me factoring time for myself into the equation.  "It almost seems like you feel guilty about taking time out for yourself anymore and you shouldn't. Maybe you just needed that time."   Another friend recently pointed out that some of the people I compare myself to have two people sharing the responsibilities while  I am doing the same amount of work with half of the manpower and even less time. After talking through this with my friends,  I realized how grateful I am for my friends. My friends are my support system but they are also my mirrors.  They force me to look at my life through different eyes.


After that conversation it occurred to me that I couldn't get off the couch to start my chores that Saturday because my spirit just needed a vacation from my 'to do' list.  For many years I was a perfectionist but perfectionism just doesn't fit in with my lifestyle right now.  I need to simply keep my focus on keeping things clean and organized while  the additional projects are broken down into smaller steps that may take a little longer. As a result, I am happy again, my life has more balance, and I have freed myself to focus on what is truly important.