Hidden In Plain Sight

There is someone I know who always makes a point of trying to start conversations with me.  A conversation with her consists of me listening politely with very little of the two way dialogue that a true conversation should consist of.   She is a good person but everything she says is negative and is reflective of victim mentality.   So, when she stopped by my office to talk recently, I pushed my work aside to listen to her rant about the issue that she found irritating at that particular moment. Within minutes her conversation had progressed to how unhappy she is with other areas of her life, complaints about her job, her relationships, or how people treat her.

Finally I asked, "So, what would make you happy with your life?"  
She answers me by saying, " To get up in the morning and be passionate about life, to feel the thrill of the upcoming day."
I asked, "So, what is stopping you?"
She didn't answer for several minutes and then she admitted,  "I don't know." 

I recently saw her in someone else's office complaining about her job, her relationships, how people treat her, and all of the reasons she can't change the situation while the other person sat back listening patiently.  I smiled and kept on walking.

The conversation with this person reminded me of a commencement speech that someone  convinced me to listen to on You Tube.  The speech is by David Foster Wallace and it was delivered in 2005 but, although I found it difficult to sit through the twenty two minute monologue,  I am glad I did listen to it all of the way through because the message is truly memorable.   He said "how we construct meaning in our lives is part of personal and intentional choice."  Next he went through what would be most people's daily routine from the time we hit the snooze button in the morning to the traffic jam on the freeway and the quick stop at the grocery store after a tiring day only to get up the following morning to do it all again.  In summary, he said that this is reality and that the responsibility of being educated is not to guarantee anyone a life of endless excitement and success. The Liberal Arts part of education is to teach us how to think, how to be in the present moment, how to maintain a sense of awareness, and to remember that in every moment we have a choice.  His speech was titled "This Is Water" and he actually begins his speech by telling the tale of two young goldfish swimming along. As an older goldfish swims by he asks the two young fish 'How is the water boys?'  They both automatically say "fine"  but, as the older goldfish swims away, one of the young goldfish turns to the other and asks 'What is water?'

"The real value of a real education has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over: 'This is water. This is water.'"

David Foster Wallace

My mother's affairs are almost settled so I now have time to do things other than try to sort through the chaos that was impacting my life over the last year.   My life feels almost normal again and for the past two weeks I have been able to get up on Sunday morning and  do something that I had previously taken for granted.  For two Sundays now I have been able to get up and enjoy my coffee on my patio surrounded by my garden with my dogs at my feet as I read my book.  However, the thrill over having nothing to do for a few  hours on a Sunday morning may eventually become too routine and, if it does,  then I have a choice. I can choose to swim through my routine, blissfully unaware of the possibilities, or I can just continue with the same routine every Sunday from now on while I complain endlessly to anyone who will listen, or I can choose to explore other ways to make my weekend morning special.  The solution, like the water in the goldfish bowl, is hidden in plain sight.    By choosing to maintain an awareness of the fact that there are other options, and know that the choice I make impacts my perspective as much as my perspective impacts my choice, is what will define my  attitude which also defines how I respond to the banalities of life in general.  Maintaining  an awareness that I do have the freedom to choose how I respond to these moments is what  changes an uneventful Sunday morning into an  hour of pure joy on my patio with my coffee, my dogs,  and a good read.