A Lesson From Mom.

"We are what we believe we are." - C. S. Lewis

Although I am not a fan of Hallmark Holidays, as Mother's day approaches I find myself reflecting more on what this holiday means to me.  Well, to be more precise, I find myself reflecting on what my mother means to me because our relationship has had some turbulent years.  Yet, I think in spite of all of the angst, there is a foundation of respect between us. We are very different people yet we are also very much alike in certain ways.

Mom taught me compassion and to appreciate life without the commercialism.  She taught me to be true to myself and that those who criticize me for being different are simply people who can't accept change, however, that does not necessarily mean that I am wrong or that I should conform.

 I grew up in an era where women were fighting for equal rights.  Growing up I read about people who refused to conform, and therefore, they had a great impact on our society.  I began to realize that my mother was onto something.   Mom made certain that I was aware of women like Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Sanger.  In my younger years I would listen to my mother and the women of the BPW Club discuss the women's Betty Friedman and the Women's Feminist Movement in the  1960's and 1970's.  I read about people who were different yet impacted history because they were true to themselves.  Martin Luther King, Abraham Lincoln, and Ghandi are a few examples.

 
Thanks to my parents,  I realize that there are always going to be people who will be trying  to convince me that my differences are actually flaws but, whether these people are standing in the spotlight voicing their opinions or standing in the shadows whispering them,  my greatest defense is to know who I am and to believe in myself.  I discovered that one can choose to learn from their mistakes and work to create a better future or we can let our insecurities take us prisoner.  No one is helpless because we have the power of choice and, when that choice is different than what everyone else is doing, we still need to be true to ourselves.

"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." -Albert Einstein

Many great people in history were called failures because they didn't conform.  I have an old Ann Landers column hanging on my refrigerator titled 'Failure can provide a golden lesson.' The failure list is as follows:

Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school and was considered unpromising.

Beethoven's music teacher told him that 'As a composer, he is hopeless.'

Thomas Edison  was told that he lacked intelligence and should make his living by utilizing his pleasant personality

F.W. Woolworth worked in a dry goods store but his employer would not promote him because he didn't have "enough sense to close a sale."

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper job because "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.'

Winston Churchill struggled in school and had to take the 6th grade twice.

Babe Ruth struck out 1300 times, a major league record.

Thanks to my upbringing, trying to be someone I am not so I can meet the expectations of society, is not who I am.   I can get plastic surgery to erase my physical flaws and learn behave in a way that is foreign to me in an attempt to gain acceptance of others but, if I were to do these things, I would risk losing a part of myself in the process.  Everyone is unique but not everyone will be accepting of the differences and, good or bad,  the differences are what set us apart.. What is  important is that I accept who I am and, thanks to my mother, I do accept myself for who I am.  This is the one lesson I tried to share with my own children.  As a result of this lesson I am grateful to my mother, I am proud of my children, and I am happy with the person I am still learning to be.  Thank you to my parents and thank you to my mom for this invaluable lesson.

....we dive headfirst into the endless project of improving our physical selves. No cosmetic strategy ever fulfills our hopes, since what we hope for—the knowledge that we’re acceptable—is almost completely unrelated to physical appearance.

Martha Beck.

 

 

Happy Mother's Day