The Single Handicap

I have been divorced for more than ten years now and it seems that my single status bothers many other people more than it does me.  The advantage of being single is that I can go where I want when I want.   I am not accountable to anyone except my two dogs if I sleep in or have the girls over for a get together.  I like this.  However, the largest disadvantage to being single are the well meaning people who have a misconceived notion that being single is some type of a handicap.

One example is a gathering of some type where I hear comments like "Oh, did you come alone? I am so sorry." I often want to say 'Sorry for what?' Then there are those who are all too ready to help me meet my mate.  Sometimes these attempts at matchmaking are infuriating but most of them are situations that annoy me at the time but later I find myself laughing at them.

Recently my brother in law was helping us clear out my mother's house.  He kept telling me about someone he found who could help us with the manual labor part of the job.  On arriving at the house, my brother in law and this man were outside  moving large items into a dumpster.  At lunch my brother in law told me this person is single, divorced twice, and seems to be a good guy.  I began to focus on my food as I quietly listened to his diatribe because it wasn't clear if he was making a point about the fact that the man is an eligible bachelor or if it was that had a good feeling about his integrity. . 

The following day I offered to buy lunch for everyone and invited my brother in law's new friend to join us.  At the table, this person began talking about a recent storm in the area. He said, "The wind was so strong that I felt it rocking my old Astro Van.   Then I saw headlights, so I peered out of the window curtains and saw my pastor coming out to check on me because the wind was so strong that he was concerned.   I told him that I was doing fine and I was grateful that I didn't have to be out in that storm." 

I could not help but ask "You drive a 1975 Chevy truck and an Astro Van with curtains on the windows.  How did your pastor know where to find you?"

He replies suddenly, "No! I drive the truck but I live  in the van. I am building a house with no electric or plumbing because I want to live a minimalist lifestyle." 

"Interesting.  So, do you live off of the land or do you have a job?" I asked.

"No, I work. I  do sales at swap meets to generate income."  He said


I told him that he lived an interesting life and looked across the table at my brother in law who sat in an uncomfortable silence while  looking down at his plate....completely focused on his food.  The look on his face made me hold back a laugh as I said "Well, I sort of live a minimalist lifestyle too but I also like my electric coffee maker and indoor plumbing that provides me with hot showers in the morning." 

I wish people would stop acting like being single is a handicap.  Marriage isn't always the best option either. For those of you who think a person without a mate is like not having a limb I want to point out that marriage can go one of two ways.  The spouse can either be a halo that lights up your life or they can be a cancer you can't get rid of.  As for myself, I am in a good place with a house, a job,  family, friends,  an electric coffee maker, and indoor plumbing so stop trying to improve my life for me. I am doing just fine.