Stuff

Now that my mother is settling into her assisted living facility, my sister and I have started the daunting task of going through her home.  Over the years my mother had become  a hoarder so we have not been looking forward to this task ....and the task is even worse than we feared it would be.

On the first day, with five of us working together, we still were not able to clear out  one room.  I suggested that we focus on the things that we don't want to lose, such as pictures and heirlooms,  and as we hunt for these items we can pile everything else into keep, donate, and sell piles.  This seemed to be the best strategy and at the end of the first day we had not made significant progress, but we did make progress.  What was most important was that we were able to clear a path and at the end of the second day we found old photos and some of the heirlooms that have been in my family for years.  However,  we also realized that it will be weeks before we are finished.

I was quickly reminded of the small town camaraderie that one doesn't find in a large city. Each of the neighbors brought us coffee and asked after my mom. Then we ate lunch at my favorite restaurant which is a small family owned place that doesn't even bring you a check.   At the end of the meal you go to the cashier and point out your table so she can ring you up.  This restaurant does things the same today as they did thirty years ago right down to the washroom with the cloth towel that loops around so you can dry your hands on the clean part.  The food is awesome and while we were at the register pointing out our table, a conversation developed when my brother in law was approached by a lady who said, "We heard you were coming." She then proceeded to ask what we needed. That very afternoon we had  a parade of people stopping by who purchase antique furniture, cars, and the houses.  I spent a lot of time taking telephone numbers and meeting people.   This did slow our progress, but I was grateful for each person who stopped by because once we are finished doing our inventory it will make the rest so much easier.  

As my sister and I found yet another box of Christmas ornaments that my mother had ordered by mail and never opened, she asked me "This is her life but to us it is just stuff.  Is this what our lives will be at the end? Just Stuff?"  I thought a minute and then said "The reality is that everything is just stuff anyway. It is only valuable if it has meaning to a person. For myself, anything that doesn't have sentiment is just stuff irregardless of the monetary value. "   At this point she picks up a nutcracker and got misty eyed. She turned to me and said "Remember these?"  I felt close to tears and just nodded. We laughed as we recalled that each Christmas dad would buy  a large bag of nuts and then sit at the table cracking them and my mother would fuss because the shells were being scattered everywhere.  Dad's nuts and the small argument that ensued was almost a family ritual at Holiday time. 

I am not fond of expensive china or crystal so I have never purchased any. However,  I did take a few items that have sentimental value to keep at my home.  As I looked at the items I wondered where I was going to put them and, if I am to be honest,  if  would ever actually  use them. However, the memories are too strong so we just couldn't dispose of them outside of the family and taking them to my mother's facility is not an option. I am glad that I brought them back with me because to some people these items would simply be 'stuff' but to us they are pricesless.