Frankly Scarlet.....

Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appears Real

Victoria Osteen

There are days when I feel like I am walking on a tightrope ….over a deep river that has a swift current….and is filled with alligators…while making no progress. My fear paralyzes me even though there is no tightrope, no alligators, and no river. The evidence is false yet the fear is real and the only way to escape is  to change my approach.


Due to recent events, I have been attempting to do it all and failing miserably. I am trying to please everyone and still manage my own life, my own responsibilities, the responsibilities of others, while fielding criticism and unsolicited suggestions, all while handling the demands of an aging parent.  It has been a challenge. The chance of successfully accommodating everything and everyone has been like trying to juggle balls made of fragile glass that can’t be held too tight and will break on impact.


My breaking point came last weekend when too many things went wrong and people landed on my doorstep with expectations that had never been discussed. The following Monday, after a demanding weekend with little sleep and no time for myself, I went to the office exhausted and bleary eyed. After spending almost an hour making photocopies of documents that had to be overnighted that day, I mistakenly dumped the copies in a secured shred bin. As I stared in dismay at the tiny opening of the locked bin, I accepted the fact that my stress level is at a breaking point and  I am juggling more than I can handle. Something needs to change. Fortunately, the error was minor and the documents could be copied again. However, I just lost hour on a day when I didn’t have five minutes to spare. I began to think “What if I just let the glass balls drop? What is the worst that could happen?”


After I returned home I went straight to my room, locked my door, and sat in silence with my dogs at my feet as I read my book uninterrupted for several hours. Everyone survived without me and I offered no explanation for my action.


In most cases,  I could care less about what other people think me but I do have a sense of responsibility which makes me aware that my actions will impact others. I want to do what is right but I can't please everyone.  I worry that someone will end up with hurt feelings or that I will do something to make things worse. The result is constant worry about the outcome when, in reality, I  only have limited control over the outcome of any situation anyway.  We humans intuitively seek to influence the outcome in a situation and often migrate towards what is predictable. However, striving for predictability in an unpredictable world rarely works. Change is both inevitable and constant plus it comes with no guarantees. Predictability is an educated guess at best and thinking I can control the outcome is only an illusion.  I can prepare the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect career, or the perfect relationship only to have it wiped out by flood, hurricane, fire, insect infestation, war, death, disease, or any other number of uncontrollable events.

 Years ago, as a working mother, I struggled to maintain a career, be a wife, and a devoted parent while keeping a spotless home. One evening my daughter asked me why I no longer smiled. Her comment made me realize that I was so intent on trying to be all things to all people that I was losing my own sense of self. So, I re-evaluated my approach and stopped criticizing myself when I had to purchase the cookies for school parties instead of creating the perfect cookie baking experience. The party was just as enjoyable with sugar cookies from the local bakery as they would have been if I had stayed up all night baking. The added benefit was that I still enjoyed the party and, with less stress, I was a more pleasant person to be around. Shredding those copies  actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  It reminded me that my life is, once again, out of balance so I need to change the way I am responding to the challenges in my life.  Once I accepted that I can’t be all things to all people, I started to make changes to my approach and began to feel a sense of balance.


Instead of feeling trapped by the contradictory demands, and unrealistic expectations of others, I am now making it a point to remind myself to focus on the balance within my own world.  I must remember to value my authentic self so I can enjoy this adventure called life. Offering my own life as a sacrifice, so I can try to keep those glass balls in the air, is not the solution. Eventually the balls will drop anyway. Living life through my heart, and not allowing the expectations of others to dominate, has transformed my daily living experience from a dull routine into a joyful dance.  I am finding my inner joy again. The only response I have to offer those who dislike the fact that I have readjusted my priorities is a quote from Rhett Butler in‘Gone With The Wind’  when he said, “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.”