Water

I am not a person who has the patience to sit idle and wait for life to come to me.  Some people can sit on the shoreline and dream about the ships on the horizon but I would rather grab a kayak and go out to greet them.  Patience eludes me at times and, over the last few months,  my patience has been sorely tested. 

 

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, and it takes more strength and faith to be kind." Ghandi

This began when I received the call that my mother could not live alone any longer and she came to live with me.  She didn't want to come to my house but she had two choices and my house was the lesser of the two evils. We have never had  a strong relationship, we are different people, I like clean and she isn't as concerned about it, she can be demanding, and I have always had an active lifestyle but I found myself forced to give up many of the activities that I enjoy so I could take care of her.  Then a few other catastrophes surfaced and I had no time to attend to them properly.  My stress level was at an all time high and my patience was fading.  The ships were still on the horizon of life but I had no other choice than to sit on the shore and simply watch the ships pass by as my kayak sat on the beach gathering dust. 

And remember that compassion is not only reserved for others, but also it's important to practice compassion toward ourselves. Even though each drop of water in the ocean is small, each drop is an important part of the whole. Appreciate your unique contribution to the world!  Anna Levesque

As difficult as this process has been, the entire situation has provided some invaluable life lessons to me.  I can be both stubborn and single minded at times so I would pray every day for patience, strength, and to help me be receptive to whatever it is that I am supposed to take away from this even if God had to slap me in the face with his message to ensure I hear it.

Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it"
- Lao Tzu

As I stood staring longingly at my kayaks one afternoon I realized that people who struggle in kayaking are the people who try to fight the water.  Kayaking is not about strength. Success in kayaking is about the technique of moving with the water instead of  fighting against the current.  I realized that life is similar and  I have been fighting the current when I should have placed my paddle in the water to see where the current takes me.

Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless like the water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."
- Bruce Lee

 

I have certain boundaries  that I will not compromise on, but I worked to adopt a different attitude.   As a result, I understand my mother better and found that a softer approach helped me gain a better understanding of everyone else.  The results have been nothing short of miraculous.  There are still challenges that I must deal with daily, however, I have learned to work around them and I am even beginning to find ways to carve out small pieces of time for myself every once in a while.

I read an article written by Anna Levesque, a kayak champion, and she says it better than I ever could.

Water accepts what is and continues on its path. When we accept what is happening at this moment in our lives we are better able to go with the flow without creating suffering for ourselves and others. This doesn't mean that you just let life happen to you and become apathetic. On the contrary, when we accept what is we are better able to take right action. The water flowing down a river doesn't resist when it hits the rock. It doesn't complain, feel victimized or react in fear. The water simply changes shape and direction to flow around the obstacle.

Frustration and unhappiness with our progress in any aspect of our lives is a sign for us to take a step back and remember that gentleness, effortlessness and patience can generate amazing results. We don't have to push and do all the time. What I've come to realize is that sometimes it's not about making it happen as much as it's about doing the work mindfully and then allowing it to all come together - effortlessly.

Anna Levesque

 

Everything happens for a reason. "Be water my friend."

Frankly Scarlet.....

Fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appears Real

Victoria Osteen

There are days when I feel like I am walking on a tightrope ….over a deep river that has a swift current….and is filled with alligators…while making no progress. My fear paralyzes me even though there is no tightrope, no alligators, and no river. The evidence is false yet the fear is real and the only way to escape is  to change my approach.


Due to recent events, I have been attempting to do it all and failing miserably. I am trying to please everyone and still manage my own life, my own responsibilities, the responsibilities of others, while fielding criticism and unsolicited suggestions, all while handling the demands of an aging parent.  It has been a challenge. The chance of successfully accommodating everything and everyone has been like trying to juggle balls made of fragile glass that can’t be held too tight and will break on impact.


My breaking point came last weekend when too many things went wrong and people landed on my doorstep with expectations that had never been discussed. The following Monday, after a demanding weekend with little sleep and no time for myself, I went to the office exhausted and bleary eyed. After spending almost an hour making photocopies of documents that had to be overnighted that day, I mistakenly dumped the copies in a secured shred bin. As I stared in dismay at the tiny opening of the locked bin, I accepted the fact that my stress level is at a breaking point and  I am juggling more than I can handle. Something needs to change. Fortunately, the error was minor and the documents could be copied again. However, I just lost hour on a day when I didn’t have five minutes to spare. I began to think “What if I just let the glass balls drop? What is the worst that could happen?”


After I returned home I went straight to my room, locked my door, and sat in silence with my dogs at my feet as I read my book uninterrupted for several hours. Everyone survived without me and I offered no explanation for my action.


In most cases,  I could care less about what other people think me but I do have a sense of responsibility which makes me aware that my actions will impact others. I want to do what is right but I can't please everyone.  I worry that someone will end up with hurt feelings or that I will do something to make things worse. The result is constant worry about the outcome when, in reality, I  only have limited control over the outcome of any situation anyway.  We humans intuitively seek to influence the outcome in a situation and often migrate towards what is predictable. However, striving for predictability in an unpredictable world rarely works. Change is both inevitable and constant plus it comes with no guarantees. Predictability is an educated guess at best and thinking I can control the outcome is only an illusion.  I can prepare the perfect house, the perfect family, the perfect career, or the perfect relationship only to have it wiped out by flood, hurricane, fire, insect infestation, war, death, disease, or any other number of uncontrollable events.

 Years ago, as a working mother, I struggled to maintain a career, be a wife, and a devoted parent while keeping a spotless home. One evening my daughter asked me why I no longer smiled. Her comment made me realize that I was so intent on trying to be all things to all people that I was losing my own sense of self. So, I re-evaluated my approach and stopped criticizing myself when I had to purchase the cookies for school parties instead of creating the perfect cookie baking experience. The party was just as enjoyable with sugar cookies from the local bakery as they would have been if I had stayed up all night baking. The added benefit was that I still enjoyed the party and, with less stress, I was a more pleasant person to be around. Shredding those copies  actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  It reminded me that my life is, once again, out of balance so I need to change the way I am responding to the challenges in my life.  Once I accepted that I can’t be all things to all people, I started to make changes to my approach and began to feel a sense of balance.


Instead of feeling trapped by the contradictory demands, and unrealistic expectations of others, I am now making it a point to remind myself to focus on the balance within my own world.  I must remember to value my authentic self so I can enjoy this adventure called life. Offering my own life as a sacrifice, so I can try to keep those glass balls in the air, is not the solution. Eventually the balls will drop anyway. Living life through my heart, and not allowing the expectations of others to dominate, has transformed my daily living experience from a dull routine into a joyful dance.  I am finding my inner joy again. The only response I have to offer those who dislike the fact that I have readjusted my priorities is a quote from Rhett Butler in‘Gone With The Wind’  when he said, “Frankly Scarlet, I don’t give a damn.”