One thing that frustrates me is when people who have no business making decisions about another person's life does exactly that. I get upset when people repeatedly tell me I need to "find a good man so I won't be alone." It upsets me when family members argue and everyone else takes sides. I hate it when someone knows 10% of the facts and try to make 100% of the decisions. What truly angers me is when people who should love unconditionally make love conditional.
Tonight I got upset and walked out of a restaurant in the middle of dinner. Someone had a rough day and wasn't feeling well so I invited her out for soup, tea, and conversation. She began talking about a family dispute and her idea on what everyone else is doing wrong, what they should do,and why she won't speak to certain people until it is done her way, etc. At first I tried to argue my point. As the evening progressed, I relented and told her that I make my own decisions. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. Being judgmental and creating conditions accomplishes nothing. I mentioned that her decisions regarding her own actions are hers to own, but she has no right to set conditions for anyone except herself ,especially when it is on how to handle personal situations. What cinched the deal was when she said, "Maybe you are still single because you are so aloof........." THAT was the wrong thing to say so I told her I needed to leave.
I am not perfect. My family is not perfect and there are several family members who have not spoken in decades over things I consider to be trivial. All of this drama and hurt because they were judgmental and made things conditional. I have no right to judge others and they have no right to judge me. A relationship is like an onion with multiple layers and an outsider can only view the surface.
What people fail to realize is that I am single because I am not actively looking for a relationship. When I do, I usually find one. The truth is that I do get approached..often. At my age I feel silly talking about admiring glances thrown my way by the opposite sex with the same frequency that I talk about the weather. Today, for example, I received an other email from my old boyfriend asking if he could take me to dinner. A male friend stopped by my office and we are going to lunch on Wednesday. There is a man in my building who is openly flirtateous and ran across the hall just to open my door. The UPS delivery man is a very attractive guy who makes a point of stopping by my office and has mentioned a coffee date for next week. I haven't mentioned any of this, except the email from the old boyfriend, to anyone. What would it accomplish? Prove to everyone else that I have options? Although I find the attention flattering , I really don't care how others perceive me. I refuse to be defined by the opinions of others.
Although I have empathy for those who are in pain, I won't adopt their pain as my own. When others have drama in their lives, I refuse to focus on the negative. If people I care about are arguing, I rarely take sides. Instead I listen to both and try to convince them to work things out on their own. Staying neutral sometimes makes people interpret my attitude as indifference. I do care even more than they realize. Even if my response is not what others expect of me, I need to be true to my heart and give others room to be true to theirs because love is about acceptance, not perfection.
"Instead of trying to change people, we should give them room to be the person God created them to be."
Joel Osteen.
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