At lunch my friends and I talked about how easy it is to become so focused on responsibility that we either put off having fun or feel guilty when we do take time out for fun. This doesn’t mean we are unhappy. It simply means that we fail to disconnect from what needs to be done to just experience the things that bring us pleasure.
I recall that a few years back every moment of my time was scheduled and the stress was beginning to show in my health and my attitude. Reading has been a passion of mine so my latest read, or several books, always sit on my night table. Then one evening, as I was getting into bed, a book that I had been excited to start reading fell off of my nightstand. As I picked up the book I looked at the receipt and realized that it was dated more than one year before. I was shocked and had to think back and ask myself… when was the last time I took time just for me?
It wasn't as though I was unhappy. Yet, it is possible to be happy without having fun. However, one cannot have fun without being happy. That night I started reading my book and the next day I called work to say I wasn’t coming in. I didn’t clean, I didn’t run errands, and I really didn’t do anything productive. Instead, I met a friend for lunch, went shopping, spent time with my children, and took my dogs on a hike. That evening I read more of my book and the following day I felt like a new person. It dawned on me that I had been taking care of everything and everyone but I forgot to take care of myself.
I began to make it a point to schedule time for myself regularly but I found that letting go to just have fun is a skill that I had to learn all over again. After years of keeping my focus on being productive, making time for fun seemed selfish and superfluous. It meant that on some Saturdays I had to choose between chores or making time for myself. At first this was actually very difficult for me.
Many people are ambitious or natural nurturers so taking on responsibilities for house, family, and work is as natural as eating potato chips. However, I know that when I take out the bag of chips I always promise myself I will only eat one or two. Then I tell myself one more won’t hurt, then I eat another, and before I know it I have eaten way too much. I end up doing the same thing in my life by convincing myself I can squeeze in one more task or take on just one more responsibility. Before I know it I have taken on too much and then I sacrifice my personal time so I can meet my commitments.
The problem is that we can become so caught up in trying to create the life we think we should have that we risk losing the passion and excitement for the life that we do have. Yet, what truly matters in life is happiness and happiness begins by tuning into what our heart says.
Victoria O’Steen compared fun time to the white space we see on a page in a book. She pointed out that each page has white space between each letter, each word, and each line. This white space appears to serve no purpose but imagine how that page would look if that white space was not there! The white space offers relief for our eyes and helps to clarify where the words are. Taking time for fun is like the white space in our life. It is not just about happiness, it is about a joyful disconnect to revel in something which makes us savor being alive.
My mom used to say that if we fail to maintain our objectivity then we won’t be able to find the forest because the trees are blocking the view. Taking time to disconnect helps us see the trees and recognize the forest as well. Fun brings life back into balance and, just like that blank space between the words, making time to be joyful can bring clarity to our personal stories.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Creating Kairos Moments
The ancient Greeks had two words for time, chronos and kairos. While the former chronos refers to sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. Chronos relates to quantity while kairos has a qualitative nature.
Thirty years ago was my first mother's day. I was living in Hong Kong at the time, and they don't celebrate mother's day. My husband worked on Sundays so I limited my Sunday celebration to American food at the Sheraton Hotel. My lunch consisted of a ham sandwich on white bread and a bowl of vegetable soup (Campbell's Soup) with American coffee and potato chips. I enjoyed the Asian food but after an entire week of steamed rice and fish Campbell's soup tasted good. The hotel was located in a tourist district called Tsim Tsa Tsui and it was a treat to take the thirty minute train ride there to explore or find a hotel restaurant that had a more American feel. On my first Mother's Day, I invited my mother in law to join me for lunch. I don't think she was very impressed with the food but we enjoyed the quality time together as my daughter slept in her stroller.
A few weeks later my mother in law came over to tell me she was going out would be back soon. My Chinese isn't the best so I just picked up the fact that she was going out and something about food. About an hour later she came over to our flat with a smile, a hug, and a tray with food. As she set the tray down I saw a big bowl of Campbell's vegetable soup, and a slices of ham between pieces of white bread. I didn't understand her words but I did realize that she had to go out of her way to get that Campbell's Soup. She was trying to do something special for me and I was so deeply touched. Even now I cannot look at Campbell's soup without thinking of my first mothers day and that thoughtful gesture.
I have always asked my children do something instead of buying me a gift. The result is that my children have created wonderful memories of brunches, elaborate picnic lunches, day hikes, or short day trips. Chronos is inevitable and time marches on but I discovered on that first Mother's Day outing that Mother's Day is about creating Kairos. Things wear out, break,get used up, or get lost but the memories are with me forever. The two Mother's day gifts that have sentimental value which I keep close to me are a coffee mug from 1991 that I always use and a gold ring from 1998 that I always wear. However, the best gifts from past Mother's Days are the memories of family gatherings .......or thoughtful gestures like a bowl of Campbell's Soup and a sandwich on white bread.
I have always asked my children do something instead of buying me a gift. The result is that my children have created wonderful memories of brunches, elaborate picnic lunches, day hikes, or short day trips. Chronos is inevitable and time marches on but I discovered on that first Mother's Day outing that Mother's Day is about creating Kairos. Things wear out, break,get used up, or get lost but the memories are with me forever. The two Mother's day gifts that have sentimental value which I keep close to me are a coffee mug from 1991 that I always use and a gold ring from 1998 that I always wear. However, the best gifts from past Mother's Days are the memories of family gatherings .......or thoughtful gestures like a bowl of Campbell's Soup and a sandwich on white bread.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
In Honor of ...
A few months ago I watched as Whitney Houston was honored on the day of her funeral. Television and media covered her funeral and the New Jersey flag was flown at half mast. Although I enjoy Whitney Houston's music, and have always admired her talent, there are many other women who are so much more deserving. I did a google search to see if Whitney worked to help the hungry in a third world country or made a lasting impact on mankind in any way. I found nothing and this disturbs me. Women today have much more substance than musical talent and pretty faces.
It is important to remember that only in last 50 years have women begun to be recognized as people of worth. In fact, women were not even recognized as 'a person' until 1920 when the suffrage movement passed and women were given the right to vote. Prior to 1920 a woman had the same rights as the household pet.
The women's suffrage movement started in the late 1800's when Elizabeth Cady Stanton was outraged by slavery and was frustrated because she had no voice simply because of her gender. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was instrumental in supporting the freedom train. It is said that would hide slaves in her basement. Since most of the slaves could not read or write, quilts were sewn by Stanton and other women that had maps hidden within their patterns. The quilts were handed to those escaping slavery to guide them. Since Stanton had a husband and children at home she could not travel. Before long she joined forces with Susan B Anthony who did not have familial responsibilities and this allowed her to travel to gather support for the women's movement because, as Ms. Stanton is quoted, "until women have the vote we have no voice to push for change."
In the early 1900's Margaret Sanger, a nurse, was apalled at the number of women dying from multiple pregnancies and self induced abortions. Birth control was illegal and so was any education on contraception. Her mission was to educate and offer women a choice. When fliers educating women on conception and condoms were seized by the US Postal Service, she was imprisoned and forced to do hard labor. Imagine being thrown in prison for sharing condom, yet that was Margaret Sanger's crime. Birth control and education on contraception became legal in 1918, but only if obtained through a medical doctor.
In 1917 women picketing for the right to vote were imprisoned for obstruction of a sidewalk. Prison guards, with the warden's blessing, beat the women with their clubs. By the end of the first night in jail, most of these women were barely alive.
**Lucy Barnes, one of the organizers, had her hands chained to the bars over her head and was left gasping for air and bleeding.
**Dora Lewis was literally thrown into a dark cell, her head was smashed against an iron bed which knocked her out cold.
**Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack.
Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women. This is known as the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food,all of it colorless slop,was infested with worms. The women were kept in solitary confinement and not allowed contact with the outside. However, word was leaked to the press and soon the members of the suffrage movement gained public sympathy. Women were given the right to vote in 1920. The first woman senator was elected in 1922 but women still had many challenges ahead before they were recognized as equals.
In 1963 Betty Friedman wrote 'The Feminine Mystique' which challenged the idea that most women were happy as submissive homemakers. One article said that Friedman didn't start out to become a feminist, but her change of heart came one afternoon when she was to meet her publisher at a restaurant to discuss her work over lunch. Because she was female, she was not allowed inside until her male companion arrived to accompany her. During this era, women without a male escort could be denied entry into many establishments.
As recently as the 1970's discrimination against women was still prevalent in our country. The Boston Marathon began in 1897 but women were prohibited from participating until 1972.
Our first woman senator was in 1922 but our first Female Supreme Court justice nomination did not happen until 1981 when Sandra Day O'Connor was nominated for position.
Although I am saddened by Whitney Houston's death and her wasted life. I will mourn her but I do not honor her. She had a beautiful voice but there are so others who are so much more deserving. I will save my honors for those who have made a lasting impact on my world. The flag was never flown at half mast for the women I mention in this writing and they are barely mentioned in our history books. Yet we owe them a debt of gratitude for all of the freedoms we enjoy today.
It is important to remember that only in last 50 years have women begun to be recognized as people of worth. In fact, women were not even recognized as 'a person' until 1920 when the suffrage movement passed and women were given the right to vote. Prior to 1920 a woman had the same rights as the household pet.
The women's suffrage movement started in the late 1800's when Elizabeth Cady Stanton was outraged by slavery and was frustrated because she had no voice simply because of her gender. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was instrumental in supporting the freedom train. It is said that would hide slaves in her basement. Since most of the slaves could not read or write, quilts were sewn by Stanton and other women that had maps hidden within their patterns. The quilts were handed to those escaping slavery to guide them. Since Stanton had a husband and children at home she could not travel. Before long she joined forces with Susan B Anthony who did not have familial responsibilities and this allowed her to travel to gather support for the women's movement because, as Ms. Stanton is quoted, "until women have the vote we have no voice to push for change."
In the early 1900's Margaret Sanger, a nurse, was apalled at the number of women dying from multiple pregnancies and self induced abortions. Birth control was illegal and so was any education on contraception. Her mission was to educate and offer women a choice. When fliers educating women on conception and condoms were seized by the US Postal Service, she was imprisoned and forced to do hard labor. Imagine being thrown in prison for sharing condom, yet that was Margaret Sanger's crime. Birth control and education on contraception became legal in 1918, but only if obtained through a medical doctor.
In 1917 women picketing for the right to vote were imprisoned for obstruction of a sidewalk. Prison guards, with the warden's blessing, beat the women with their clubs. By the end of the first night in jail, most of these women were barely alive.
**Lucy Barnes, one of the organizers, had her hands chained to the bars over her head and was left gasping for air and bleeding.
**Dora Lewis was literally thrown into a dark cell, her head was smashed against an iron bed which knocked her out cold.
**Her cellmate, Alice Cosu, thought Lewis was dead and suffered a heart attack.
Additional affidavits describe the guards grabbing, dragging, beating, choking, slamming, pinching, twisting and kicking the women. This is known as the 'Night of Terror' on Nov. 15, 1917, when the warden at the Occoquan Workhouse in Virginia ordered his guards to teach a lesson to the suffragists imprisoned there. For weeks, the women's only water came from an open pail. Their food,all of it colorless slop,was infested with worms. The women were kept in solitary confinement and not allowed contact with the outside. However, word was leaked to the press and soon the members of the suffrage movement gained public sympathy. Women were given the right to vote in 1920. The first woman senator was elected in 1922 but women still had many challenges ahead before they were recognized as equals.
In 1963 Betty Friedman wrote 'The Feminine Mystique' which challenged the idea that most women were happy as submissive homemakers. One article said that Friedman didn't start out to become a feminist, but her change of heart came one afternoon when she was to meet her publisher at a restaurant to discuss her work over lunch. Because she was female, she was not allowed inside until her male companion arrived to accompany her. During this era, women without a male escort could be denied entry into many establishments.
As recently as the 1970's discrimination against women was still prevalent in our country. The Boston Marathon began in 1897 but women were prohibited from participating until 1972.
Our first woman senator was in 1922 but our first Female Supreme Court justice nomination did not happen until 1981 when Sandra Day O'Connor was nominated for position.
Although I am saddened by Whitney Houston's death and her wasted life. I will mourn her but I do not honor her. She had a beautiful voice but there are so others who are so much more deserving. I will save my honors for those who have made a lasting impact on my world. The flag was never flown at half mast for the women I mention in this writing and they are barely mentioned in our history books. Yet we owe them a debt of gratitude for all of the freedoms we enjoy today.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Expectations and Acceptance
"I am not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine."
Bruce Lee.
Setting expectations for someone else is a recipe for disappointment. We are all different and constantly changing because the times change, the circumstances change, and people change. We need to allow room for the differences and we need to make allowances for people to be human.
"When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are." Donald Miller.
Recently, the media had several articles about kids who commit suicide as a result of criticism and public humiliation. I read an article on bullying which was written by Marlo Thomas that says "We need to teach all kids empathy and bring them together inclusively." This is a beautiful, but unrealistic, statement. As much as I would applaud a world in which everyone loves each other to the point of forming a group hug and singing Kum Ba Ya, this type of expectation is setting the stage for a failed effort. In truth, no one person should need to completely embrace the ways of anyone else. I don't like everyone I meet but I do have a responsibility to, not only accept the differences, but to also respect someone else's right to be different provided that thes differences do not threaten the health or safety of anyone else. Acceptance is not submission. Acceptance is merely the vehicle which helps us give someone room to be human, to make mistakes, and to be different.
Growing up, my mother's strict religious standards prohibited me from engaging in the same activities as the other kids so I was usually alone. I wasn't really accepted in school until I was in Jr. High School. Prior to that, there were several kids who made my life miserable. One difference between then and now is that the taunting and teasing could be limited to the classroom. The internet, social media, and cell phone communication did not exist so the taunting and humiliation could not be memorialized on the internet as it is today. Fear of failure, not fitting in, or of not having the perfect appearance are causing people to take risks that have life altering consequences.
"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
CG Jung.
In order to survive in this world we must learn that criticism is inevitable. No matter what one does, someone will criticize. Acceptance is necessary to make us feel valued but criticism is necessary to keep us humble.
However, criticism is only a weapon if we allow it to have power.
"...you are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may finally find the happiness that has eluded you." Lisa Kleypas 'Love in the afternoon'
My life was driven by the acceptance of others until I was in my mid twenties. I spent a lot of time making decisions to please others instead of following my heart. After making one or two important decisions based on sustaining the approval of someone else I found that, although the people in my life were satisfied with my decision, the results were not the best choice for me. Since that time I established my own standards and live my life accordingly. This brings me close to some and creates distance with others but the relationships I have now are genuine.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss.
In the wild, an eagle is an eagle and does not try to mimic the mountain lion. Each creature is accepting of the other. This is nature's way. Instead of "Teaching kids empathy and bringing them together inclusively" we should teach everyone to embrace the beauty being unique and help them learn acceptance. It is the commonalities that bond us but the differences will make life interesting.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
I Own My choice, I own the result
Today when I sat down to write this blog, the intent was to vent my frustration over a few things that are bothering me. Then I deleted what I was writing. I refuse to allow anger to poison my heart or my words. Sometimes the 'people problems happen all at once. When a co-worker or a friend does or says something offensive, I take a moment to think "What did I do to offend them?" I then try to understand their point of view and work through the issue. But it is easier to work through an issue with someone if we don't have a close personal relationship because there is less to lose. When a close friend or a family member does, or says, hurtful things it is not as easy to dismiss. It is also not as easy to address, because the stakes are higher.
I remember a book called 'The Choice Theory.' by William Glasser where he says that "The only person's behavior we can control is our own."
Some of my biggest mistakes in life happened when I made a choice because maintaining the approval of others was stronger than the desire to follow what my heart told me to do. I realize now that everyone approaches life in their own way. What I learned is that mistakes are a part of life. If a person is quick to pass judgment and dismiss someone then they didn't value that person to begin with.
People view situations differently. We can only influence the part that we own and we always own the results of our choices. Today, I no longer allow others to influence my decisions. This has created distance with some people and brought me closer to others.
I value my friends but a few of my closest friendships started out with conflict. I have a strong personality, therefore, I attract friends with strong personalities. Strong people are not compliant so if someone expects us to comply without question, we won't. My friends and I are motivated to try and do the what is best. We try to avoid hurting others and we are always open to a conversation. The conversation is how the friendships started.
The book of Ephesians and the book of Corinthians both talk about effective communication. In each book it says to speak the truth through love. In other words, speak the truth with good intent and do not communicate in anger.
My values were derived from my parents, but life experience defines who I am. Ask me a question, I will tell you the truth. If you don't want the truth, then don't ask me the question. Just because a directive is issued to someone stating demands does not mean that they have an obligation to comply. Someone issued a directive to me a while back and then asked me "I just want to make certain that we are on the same page." When I told her "No, I am not on the same page but I will go along until a better solution can be negotiated." she was not happy and has not spoken to me since. I didn't give her the answer she was hoping for but my statement left an opening for further conversation. I own the result of my choice and I am comfortable with it. She owns hers. The fact that she was quick to pass judgment and dismiss me tells me that she did not place any value on the relationship in the first place.
No two people are alike therefore a solution that works for one person may not work for another. The willingness to discuss options makes a difference between developing a good relationship or developing a relationship that is not as pleasant. Good communication and compromise are always the answer.
As Dr. Glasser points out, "The only behavior we can control is our own" and I would add that we own the results of our choices as well.
I remember a book called 'The Choice Theory.' by William Glasser where he says that "The only person's behavior we can control is our own."
Some of my biggest mistakes in life happened when I made a choice because maintaining the approval of others was stronger than the desire to follow what my heart told me to do. I realize now that everyone approaches life in their own way. What I learned is that mistakes are a part of life. If a person is quick to pass judgment and dismiss someone then they didn't value that person to begin with.
People view situations differently. We can only influence the part that we own and we always own the results of our choices. Today, I no longer allow others to influence my decisions. This has created distance with some people and brought me closer to others.
I value my friends but a few of my closest friendships started out with conflict. I have a strong personality, therefore, I attract friends with strong personalities. Strong people are not compliant so if someone expects us to comply without question, we won't. My friends and I are motivated to try and do the what is best. We try to avoid hurting others and we are always open to a conversation. The conversation is how the friendships started.
The book of Ephesians and the book of Corinthians both talk about effective communication. In each book it says to speak the truth through love. In other words, speak the truth with good intent and do not communicate in anger.
My values were derived from my parents, but life experience defines who I am. Ask me a question, I will tell you the truth. If you don't want the truth, then don't ask me the question. Just because a directive is issued to someone stating demands does not mean that they have an obligation to comply. Someone issued a directive to me a while back and then asked me "I just want to make certain that we are on the same page." When I told her "No, I am not on the same page but I will go along until a better solution can be negotiated." she was not happy and has not spoken to me since. I didn't give her the answer she was hoping for but my statement left an opening for further conversation. I own the result of my choice and I am comfortable with it. She owns hers. The fact that she was quick to pass judgment and dismiss me tells me that she did not place any value on the relationship in the first place.
No two people are alike therefore a solution that works for one person may not work for another. The willingness to discuss options makes a difference between developing a good relationship or developing a relationship that is not as pleasant. Good communication and compromise are always the answer.
As Dr. Glasser points out, "The only behavior we can control is our own" and I would add that we own the results of our choices as well.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
The Space Within.
"We work with being, but non-being is what we use." Lao Tzu
This is a favorite saying of mine stated by a great philosopher. These words, spoken centuries ago, are still true today. People work to create the tangible, but it is the intangible that is of the most value. We spend our time trying to achieve more, to build more, and to accumulate more but more.... is simply more. The walls which create a beautiful house does not make it a home. A home comes from what we make of the space within. One can create a beautiful cup, but it is the space inside of the cup which will provide the most value.
Years ago I heard my church pastor give a sermon to some teenagers. He told a story about a couple who went on vacation but before they left they cleaned their home thoroughly, covered everything to prevent dust, turned off the power, and left for two weeks. When they came back they noticed this terrible smell coming from inside of their refrigerator so they waxed it to make it look beautiful yet the smell remained. Then they decided the refrigerator needed to live in a nicer kitchen so they added new counters and cabinets. The smell was still there. They decided the refrigerator needed a better social group so they bought all new appliances and threw a big party. Yet the smell remained. It never occurred to them that the problem was coming from the intangible part of the appliance, the space inside, so correcting the outside improved the appearance but did not correct the problem.
Many people spend a great amount of money improving their appearance, owning expensive items, or taking exotic trips and then become perplexed because their quality of life is not improving. Then there are people who carry emotional baggage so they put up walls to avoid whatever disturbs them instead of dealing with the problem head on. These same people pass judgement and complain endlessly about whatever issue is causing them grief because they never truly tried to work through their issues in the first place.
I think that society creates images that some people interpret as expectations that they are expected to live up to. This causes these same people to see boundaries that truly do not exist. These boundaries are only perceived obstacles which hinder people from living their life in a way that provides true value. I have a friend who undergoes plastic surgery at least once a year. In her attempt to remain young she has sacrificed many things she used to enjoy such as getting outdoors to enjoy the sunshine, indulging in the occasional hot fudge sundae, or traveling. She can't afford cable television but she carries a purse that cost one month's salary and spends a great deal of money on beauty treatments. Her desire for the appearance is greater than her desire to enjoy living. As for myself, I choose quality of life. I refuse to adjust my life to fit into boundaries created by the expectation of society. Instead, I would prefer to adjust these perceived boundaries to fit my life. When I am gone no one cares how many Luis Vuitton handbags I had, how much my watch cost, or how many wrinkles were on my face. What will be remembered is the intangible part of myself that makes me who I am. Who we are has very little to do with appearance because we are defined by the 'space within.'
Everyone will grow old, our possessions will become outdated, and money can be gained or lost. Change is really the only constant and everyone, without exception, will experience change as we go through life.
It is easy to become so busy taking care of the tangible part of our life that we neglect the intangible. Yet our true value comes from the intangible part of ourselves which makes up that 'non being' space. Therefore, because life is ever changing, it is important to remain aware of what our inner self is comprised of. I think it is important to meditate, or just take a time out to inventory who we are every now and then. I relate this process to cleaning the refrigerator. This is not an easy process because, as the entertainer Pink said, 'There is truth silence that we cannot hide from." We all need to take inventory from time to time, identify where that smell is coming from, and clean as needed. For myself, I need to remind myself to take time to evaluate my life, to stop avoiding what scares me, understand what my personal demons are, and how to manage them. When I do this it is inevitable that at some point in the future I will need to repeat the process because the only constant in life is change and the 'non being' space is far too valuable to ignore.
This is a favorite saying of mine stated by a great philosopher. These words, spoken centuries ago, are still true today. People work to create the tangible, but it is the intangible that is of the most value. We spend our time trying to achieve more, to build more, and to accumulate more but more.... is simply more. The walls which create a beautiful house does not make it a home. A home comes from what we make of the space within. One can create a beautiful cup, but it is the space inside of the cup which will provide the most value.
Years ago I heard my church pastor give a sermon to some teenagers. He told a story about a couple who went on vacation but before they left they cleaned their home thoroughly, covered everything to prevent dust, turned off the power, and left for two weeks. When they came back they noticed this terrible smell coming from inside of their refrigerator so they waxed it to make it look beautiful yet the smell remained. Then they decided the refrigerator needed to live in a nicer kitchen so they added new counters and cabinets. The smell was still there. They decided the refrigerator needed a better social group so they bought all new appliances and threw a big party. Yet the smell remained. It never occurred to them that the problem was coming from the intangible part of the appliance, the space inside, so correcting the outside improved the appearance but did not correct the problem.
Many people spend a great amount of money improving their appearance, owning expensive items, or taking exotic trips and then become perplexed because their quality of life is not improving. Then there are people who carry emotional baggage so they put up walls to avoid whatever disturbs them instead of dealing with the problem head on. These same people pass judgement and complain endlessly about whatever issue is causing them grief because they never truly tried to work through their issues in the first place.
I think that society creates images that some people interpret as expectations that they are expected to live up to. This causes these same people to see boundaries that truly do not exist. These boundaries are only perceived obstacles which hinder people from living their life in a way that provides true value. I have a friend who undergoes plastic surgery at least once a year. In her attempt to remain young she has sacrificed many things she used to enjoy such as getting outdoors to enjoy the sunshine, indulging in the occasional hot fudge sundae, or traveling. She can't afford cable television but she carries a purse that cost one month's salary and spends a great deal of money on beauty treatments. Her desire for the appearance is greater than her desire to enjoy living. As for myself, I choose quality of life. I refuse to adjust my life to fit into boundaries created by the expectation of society. Instead, I would prefer to adjust these perceived boundaries to fit my life. When I am gone no one cares how many Luis Vuitton handbags I had, how much my watch cost, or how many wrinkles were on my face. What will be remembered is the intangible part of myself that makes me who I am. Who we are has very little to do with appearance because we are defined by the 'space within.'
Everyone will grow old, our possessions will become outdated, and money can be gained or lost. Change is really the only constant and everyone, without exception, will experience change as we go through life.
It is easy to become so busy taking care of the tangible part of our life that we neglect the intangible. Yet our true value comes from the intangible part of ourselves which makes up that 'non being' space. Therefore, because life is ever changing, it is important to remain aware of what our inner self is comprised of. I think it is important to meditate, or just take a time out to inventory who we are every now and then. I relate this process to cleaning the refrigerator. This is not an easy process because, as the entertainer Pink said, 'There is truth silence that we cannot hide from." We all need to take inventory from time to time, identify where that smell is coming from, and clean as needed. For myself, I need to remind myself to take time to evaluate my life, to stop avoiding what scares me, understand what my personal demons are, and how to manage them. When I do this it is inevitable that at some point in the future I will need to repeat the process because the only constant in life is change and the 'non being' space is far too valuable to ignore.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Keeping Up With The Times
I guess that one could classify me as an old fart who doesn't walk in rhythm with the rest of the world. Of course, I have never in my life moved in time with anything that I didn't need or that didn't make sense to me. Therefore, it shouldn't be surprising to anyone who knows me that I have been called obstinate once or twice. It isn't that I am against progress, it is just that my life evolves around necessity. The luxuries are included only if I need them and have both the time and the money.
I don't think I am as bad as some about upgrading my technology though. About two years ago a relative (who shall remain nameless) broke his cell phone and was upset because the store no longer carries that model. I laughed because he had one of the old brick phones which have been obsolete for years. He had kept and used the same phone for emergencies for over fifteen years. To console him they provided him with a basic flip phone at no charge and he was thrilled with the upgrade.
It is surprising to some that I purchased an Internet tablet, a Wii, and a smart phone within the last sixty days. A new computer is next on my list because my computer and my laptop are six years old and showing their age. My cell phone was awe inspiring when I purchased it three years ago but, as it is with most technology, it was old news in less than a year. However, what I had met my needs so I didn't consider an upgrade. I believe in buying the best that I can afford then keeping it until there is a true need for a replacement. Until recently my cell phone did the job that I needed it to do, the tablet is just a convenience, and the Wii was a Christmas gift to myself.
As someone who has always prided herself on being computer literate, I didn't realize how far technology had progressed until I got my Nook Tablet. My kids bought me a Nook for Christmas. I was so excited over the gift and touched by their thoughtfulness. However, I had been thinking of purchasing a Tablet and the research I had done prior to Christmas inidicated that the Nook Tablet would meet my needs so I upgraded their gift.
I have never used Wi Fi and my new tablet runs on it. Over the last few months I had considered purchasing a Wi Fi device for my laptop and the tablet motivated me to read up on my options. However, I am busy and didn't consider this to be a priority until we took my granddaughter to our friends for dinner. Their home has multiple computers and is set up for wireless. As my friend and I were looking at her IPad, I let my granddaughter play a couple of games on my nook. This little two year old navigates my tablet better than I do so I should not have been so surprised to see a few apps downloaded that I hadn't purchased. When I saw them I said, "How did these get here?" Vi immediately takes my tablet out of my hands and wisely says "I show you nana." The she proceeds to download another.
Fortunately she only did about eight dollars worth of damage to my credit card but I learned two things. First, turn off the Wi Fi before I let her use it.
Second, I really need to get up to date on technology.
It didn't take too long to decide what I could do and what I needed. I was primarily interested in side loading files and tethering to the Internet through a wireless device. Side loading was easy but to tether I had to buy a 4G smart phone and decided to change providers for a better monthly fee. My old cell phone contract had already expired so I researched phones. Yesterday I changed providers and brought home my brand new smart phone. Once I become familiar with the features I can do my homework on my patio or in the park, listen to Pandora, and Skype with my daughter without running home to the computer. When the man at the cell phone store told me the instructions for the phone are online but the phone is user friendly I told him that I have something better to help me.
"What is that?" he asked.
"A 24 year old son and a three year old grand daughterwho picks up this stuff better than I do." I laughed.
Next, I had to rethink my cable television. I examined my cable bill and decided that since people can watch television on other devices it was time to rethink my approach. Since I don't watch television myself, but I do like movies, the feature of importing Nexflix via a Wii was appealing so I bought one. To be honest, in the two months of Wii ownership I haven't used Netflix yet because I discovered that Mario Cart is so much fun. Recently myself and five friends were on the Wii playing Mario Cart. My son walked in late one evening and was surprised to see a group of menopausal women sitting on the floor with Wii controllers in hand completely focused on racing Mario's cart around a virtual racetrack yelling "GO GO GO!!".
I am currently putting money aside for a new computer and wireless printer. By the time I am ready for the new computer my phone and tablet will already be yesterdays news but I see no reason to look at upgrades if what I have meets my needs. Keeping up with technology reminds me of going to Las Vegas and betting on a race one can never win because, just like a trip to Las Vegas, each time I enter the technology race I have a little fun and lose some cash. .
I don't think I am as bad as some about upgrading my technology though. About two years ago a relative (who shall remain nameless) broke his cell phone and was upset because the store no longer carries that model. I laughed because he had one of the old brick phones which have been obsolete for years. He had kept and used the same phone for emergencies for over fifteen years. To console him they provided him with a basic flip phone at no charge and he was thrilled with the upgrade.
It is surprising to some that I purchased an Internet tablet, a Wii, and a smart phone within the last sixty days. A new computer is next on my list because my computer and my laptop are six years old and showing their age. My cell phone was awe inspiring when I purchased it three years ago but, as it is with most technology, it was old news in less than a year. However, what I had met my needs so I didn't consider an upgrade. I believe in buying the best that I can afford then keeping it until there is a true need for a replacement. Until recently my cell phone did the job that I needed it to do, the tablet is just a convenience, and the Wii was a Christmas gift to myself.
As someone who has always prided herself on being computer literate, I didn't realize how far technology had progressed until I got my Nook Tablet. My kids bought me a Nook for Christmas. I was so excited over the gift and touched by their thoughtfulness. However, I had been thinking of purchasing a Tablet and the research I had done prior to Christmas inidicated that the Nook Tablet would meet my needs so I upgraded their gift.
I have never used Wi Fi and my new tablet runs on it. Over the last few months I had considered purchasing a Wi Fi device for my laptop and the tablet motivated me to read up on my options. However, I am busy and didn't consider this to be a priority until we took my granddaughter to our friends for dinner. Their home has multiple computers and is set up for wireless. As my friend and I were looking at her IPad, I let my granddaughter play a couple of games on my nook. This little two year old navigates my tablet better than I do so I should not have been so surprised to see a few apps downloaded that I hadn't purchased. When I saw them I said, "How did these get here?" Vi immediately takes my tablet out of my hands and wisely says "I show you nana." The she proceeds to download another.
Fortunately she only did about eight dollars worth of damage to my credit card but I learned two things. First, turn off the Wi Fi before I let her use it.
Second, I really need to get up to date on technology.
It didn't take too long to decide what I could do and what I needed. I was primarily interested in side loading files and tethering to the Internet through a wireless device. Side loading was easy but to tether I had to buy a 4G smart phone and decided to change providers for a better monthly fee. My old cell phone contract had already expired so I researched phones. Yesterday I changed providers and brought home my brand new smart phone. Once I become familiar with the features I can do my homework on my patio or in the park, listen to Pandora, and Skype with my daughter without running home to the computer. When the man at the cell phone store told me the instructions for the phone are online but the phone is user friendly I told him that I have something better to help me.
"What is that?" he asked.
"A 24 year old son and a three year old grand daughterwho picks up this stuff better than I do." I laughed.
Next, I had to rethink my cable television. I examined my cable bill and decided that since people can watch television on other devices it was time to rethink my approach. Since I don't watch television myself, but I do like movies, the feature of importing Nexflix via a Wii was appealing so I bought one. To be honest, in the two months of Wii ownership I haven't used Netflix yet because I discovered that Mario Cart is so much fun. Recently myself and five friends were on the Wii playing Mario Cart. My son walked in late one evening and was surprised to see a group of menopausal women sitting on the floor with Wii controllers in hand completely focused on racing Mario's cart around a virtual racetrack yelling "GO GO GO!!".
I am currently putting money aside for a new computer and wireless printer. By the time I am ready for the new computer my phone and tablet will already be yesterdays news but I see no reason to look at upgrades if what I have meets my needs. Keeping up with technology reminds me of going to Las Vegas and betting on a race one can never win because, just like a trip to Las Vegas, each time I enter the technology race I have a little fun and lose some cash. .
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