Today when I sat down to write this blog, the intent was to vent my frustration over a few things that are bothering me. Then I deleted what I was writing. I refuse to allow anger to poison my heart or my words. Sometimes the 'people problems happen all at once. When a co-worker or a friend does or says something offensive, I take a moment to think "What did I do to offend them?" I then try to understand their point of view and work through the issue. But it is easier to work through an issue with someone if we don't have a close personal relationship because there is less to lose. When a close friend or a family member does, or says, hurtful things it is not as easy to dismiss. It is also not as easy to address, because the stakes are higher.
I remember a book called 'The Choice Theory.' by William Glasser where he says that "The only person's behavior we can control is our own."
Some of my biggest mistakes in life happened when I made a choice because maintaining the approval of others was stronger than the desire to follow what my heart told me to do. I realize now that everyone approaches life in their own way. What I learned is that mistakes are a part of life. If a person is quick to pass judgment and dismiss someone then they didn't value that person to begin with.
People view situations differently. We can only influence the part that we own and we always own the results of our choices. Today, I no longer allow others to influence my decisions. This has created distance with some people and brought me closer to others.
I value my friends but a few of my closest friendships started out with conflict. I have a strong personality, therefore, I attract friends with strong personalities. Strong people are not compliant so if someone expects us to comply without question, we won't. My friends and I are motivated to try and do the what is best. We try to avoid hurting others and we are always open to a conversation. The conversation is how the friendships started.
The book of Ephesians and the book of Corinthians both talk about effective communication. In each book it says to speak the truth through love. In other words, speak the truth with good intent and do not communicate in anger.
My values were derived from my parents, but life experience defines who I am. Ask me a question, I will tell you the truth. If you don't want the truth, then don't ask me the question. Just because a directive is issued to someone stating demands does not mean that they have an obligation to comply. Someone issued a directive to me a while back and then asked me "I just want to make certain that we are on the same page." When I told her "No, I am not on the same page but I will go along until a better solution can be negotiated." she was not happy and has not spoken to me since. I didn't give her the answer she was hoping for but my statement left an opening for further conversation. I own the result of my choice and I am comfortable with it. She owns hers. The fact that she was quick to pass judgment and dismiss me tells me that she did not place any value on the relationship in the first place.
No two people are alike therefore a solution that works for one person may not work for another. The willingness to discuss options makes a difference between developing a good relationship or developing a relationship that is not as pleasant. Good communication and compromise are always the answer.
As Dr. Glasser points out, "The only behavior we can control is our own" and I would add that we own the results of our choices as well.
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