I am not a
religious woman but I do believe in God so each year for Lent I make a
commitment with God to either do something or to sacrifice something. This year I made a commitment to maintain a
positive attitude, to maintain a higher level of awareness, and to go above and
beyond as I go through my day. Some days
are easier than others but there are times when I wonder if God has a sense of
humor and is just teasing me.
"We educate ourselves and learn to control the mind for one important end:
To be less self-centered and more connected to others; to choose compassion in
as many moments as we can.”
The really important kind of freedom involves
attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about
other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in a myriad of petty, unsexy
ways every day."
David Foster Wallace
A new job
structure and a few small changes in routine freed up enough time so I can once again
actively participate in things outside of family duties and work. I was feeling pretty good about life and my
commitment for Lent as I gave a few extra dollars to charity, was a little more
accommodating on the drive to work, and maintained a higher awareness of people
that I encountered throughout the day.
My new attitude was having a positive effect on others around me but it was
having an even larger impact on me. My
view of life was changing for the better, I was happier, and small things no
longer upset me. It has been relatively
easy to keep my commitment until this past week.
I have been making changes in
my home and I wanted a comfortable chair in my room for reading. Not only did I find the perfect chair, I
found it on sale for half price. I got
the chair home without a problem but when I tried to slide it into my room, it
was 1” too wide. I had to wait until the
weekend so I could take off the legs and slide it through the door on its side
and then put the legs back on. What
should have taken me fifteen minutes ended up taking much longer.
A few days later I was relating my story about
getting the chair through the door. The person I was talking to told a story of about her
parents who had the same issue with a couch. Her parents couldn’t get a new couch into
their house so they began sawing off the legs so they could fit it through the
door. Just as they were just preparing
to saw off the fourth leg her sister arrived and showed them how to just
unscrew the couch legs to remove them. I was grateful that I knew how to take the
legs off without the saw and we both began to laugh.
This week I made my favorite dinner and
packaged up my leftovers for my lunch the following day. The next morning, I woke up early and decided
to go to the office a little earlier than normal so I set out the satchel that
I take to work next to my lunch and then got ready for work. Once I got in the car I realized that I
forgot to get gas the night before so I drove to the gas station only to discover
that their terminals were down. They
temporarily couldn’t take debit or credit cards and I only had $1.50 in my
wallet. The next gas station had the
same issue because the point of sale system was down so I decided to stop by
the ATM and get cash. Across the street
from the bank I noticed a gas station where people were able to get gas so I
decided to try that first but, when I put my card in the card reader, it got
stuck. No matter what I did, I couldn’t pull it out of the card reader. The two ladies who were inside couldn’t get
it out either but the three of us had a good chuckle as we took turns trying to
pull it out. They eventually had to call
a man who had to unlock the front and push something inside to make it release
my card. Just as I got my card back,
someone at the other gas pump said that the card reader wouldn’t take his card.
Their point of sale system had just gone down.
It was perfect timing so I just thanked the attendants and went to the
ATM, which worked fine, and went back to the station to pay cash just in time
for the card readers to come back online. At
this point, instead of being an hour early I would be lucky if I made it to work
on time.
When I was
almost to the office, I realized that I forgot my work bag and lunch at home. I then had a moment of panic wondering if I remembered to put my laptop
in my car. No lunch means I go to Chipotle across the street but no laptop
means I can’t work. After navigating all
of the challenges to try and actually get to work it would be a cruel sense of
irony if I had to go back home so I pulled over to check my backseat. It was a relief to see that my laptop was
there but a disappointment to see that the work bag and my lunch were not. I saw this as a small inconvenience until I
was near the parking garage and heard my cell phone beep the alert for a low
battery. This didn’t worry me at first
because I knew I could just charge it at work until I remembered that my
charger is in my work bag which is next to my lunch sitting on my kitchen
counter. Instead of getting upset, I
honored my commitment for Lent and took a deep breath wondering, “What
Next?”
In spite of the morning challenges I
kept the positive attitude and the day turned out rather well. Someone at work
had a phone charger I could borrow. It did rain for sixty seconds, but not
while I was walking in it and my car was in the parking garage so it escaped
the mud bath. My mid morning conference
call was cancelled which gave me some extra time and Chipotle was delicious.
After work I drove home with the
windows down because the rain made the temperature drop from 90 degrees to 70 degrees
and there was a beautiful breeze. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a motorcycle
pull up next to me and hold his speed steady with mine. The man on the motorcycle was smiling at me
so I glanced over and had to stop myself from laughing out loud. There was a
very large man on a very small motorcycle with long curly red hair that showed
a bald spot right in the center of his head that was almost glowing in the late
afternoon sun. He had no helmet but wore
bright blue swim goggles (yes, I said swim goggles) that almost glowed against
his extremely white skin combined with a bright orange t-shirt that was being
pushed up by the wind to give a perfect view of several sets of love handles
and his plumbers crack. I made a turn
and as he pulled away I saw that on the back of his shirt it said in bold
letters “Chicks love biker dudes.” I
was still chuckling when I saw a billboard advertising an Italian restaurant
that said “Legalize Marinara” and a few blocks down a second bill board advertising
for the same restaurant said “Don’t pass this joint.” I got on the freeway and noticed a white
convertible driven by an older gentleman with long gray locks. He was dressed
in a colorful polyester shirt and wore lots of gold jewelry. His satiny red and
gold shirt was shining in the bright sunlight and the excessive amount of gold
chains he wore made him appear to sparkle in the sun. I had to laugh when I noticed that there was
a sign on the side of his car that said “Bionic
Stan.”
The unfortunate events of the morning
and the unique sights I saw on the way home helped to remind me how easy it is
to let my life become a series of predictable routines that make me complacent and unaware of all that life has to offer until the routine is disrupted. It was like receiving God’s gentle reminder
that my attitude is what determines the outcome of my day, every day of my life, and not
just during Lent. I need to remember that a more positive side of life is available to me if I keep my heart open to receive it. To my heavenly father I would say thank you for your sense of humor, for reminding me that life is nothing
more than a series of moments, and for showing me that the outcome of each day depends on how I
respond to these moments. Amen
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