It Begins With A Single Thought

"If you let the enemy control your thoughts, he will control your whole life. Guard your mind."

Joel Osteen
 

When life gets too busy, I find it hard to focus. In my frustration, I end up working harder, and accomplishing less, which takes my stress to whole new level.   Life has been too busy recently  but something reminded me that every defeat, every sin, every doubt, and every success begins with a single thought. The unnecessary distractions only serve to keep me from reaching my goal.

"When you're at peace you're in a position of power."

Joel Osteen

I joined a Dragon Boat Team and the first thing we learned was that if we allowed the distractions to be our focus, we would not paddle effectively.  This was easy during practice because there were not many distractions.  The drummer on the boat sets the rhythm and our oars would slice the water with each drum beat.   As a result, the 20 paddlers would work as in unity to move the boat forward.  Technique, not strength, is what made the boat move faster.

When race day arrived I wasn't sure of what I should expect. I arrived early, parked the car, threw my gear on my back, grabbed my Starbucks,  and began to slowly stroll to our meeting place.  After walking about half of a block I heard shouts of "one-two one-two" behind me. I turned in time to see a group of muscled young men with custom paddles, bags of gear, and shirts that said "Fire Dragons" jogging in unity towards the area where the teams had their tents.  I could not help but wonder how a group of bankers... with desk jobs... and middle age spread could compete against these teams.  "Team Community" was our team name and we are competing against teams like The Killer Guppies who have custom paddles and their own shirts. When I arrived at the race I saw news crews everywhere and almost had a meltdown.   I haven't had an identity crisis this intense since grade school.

A couple of my fellow paddlers were voicing my thoughts.  Our team leader reminded us that it is technique, not strength that will make us effective so  a deep breath and focus is what will help us to do our best.  There were two races on Saturday and two on Sunday. With each race, the teams would either qualify to compete in the next race or they would be eliminated. In the first race we came in second place and we were thrilled.  The next race we didn't do as well but we did qualify.

 On Sunday  our drummer told us "Remember to focus and tune out the distractions.  If you are looking at the other boat then you are looking at the winner.  The only way to win this race is to keep your eyes on me and focus on doing what you do best." We tuned out the distractions and kept our focus. As a result, we placed first in our division.  It was an exciting moment but I took away more from this experience than a new paddling technique. I realized that what I learned on that boat should be applied to my daily life.   When I allow myself to become too busy and focus on life's many distractions it prevents me from bringing out the best version of myself.   I have allowed the world to intrude, blurring my vision, so I no longer have a clear view of what is really important. 

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.

Henry David Thoreau

The saying "Attitude is Everything" got it right. It all begins  with a single thought.  The bible says to love others as we love ourselves but how can I love and encourage others if my own thoughts are critical and self defeating?  Our team almost lost the race before we ever put a paddle in the water simply because we allowed distractions to create thoughts of self doubt.  On that first morning our focus was on how great the other teams appeared instead of what great things we can do. This experience showed me that I need to start each day by focusing on the positive things in my life and  block self defeating thoughts.  Everything we are, and everything we could be,  begins with a single thought. 

Come As You Are

Last week I decided that I was going to change my evil ways. I have been swearing too much, thinking impure thoughts, and I haven't been to church in months.  On Monday I started my week with a prayer and with the determination to become a  kinder and gentler Cheryl. I was determined to pray each morning before the day begins and read my bible each evening before bed.  By the time Friday rolled around my resolve had, as my mother used to say, "gone to hell in a hand basket." I prayed each morning but my bible is still sitting  unopened.   I failed to factor into this equation  the fact that if one tells God that they are going to do something then God is going to put one to a test... and test me he did.

Bad company corrupts good character." 1 Corinthians 15:33,

The week started out well but then a relative decided to pay a visit. Don't get me wrong, I like this person in small doses but sometimes I get the feeling that she merely tolerates me. Her visit began and ended like any other visit as  she made a point of telling me that I need a face lift so I won't look so haggard, she recommended a window cleaner that would leave my windows cleaner, she said that I spend too much time focused on family and need to be more adventurous, I need to sell and buy a condo in Scottsdale, and she continued to make a number of other passive aggressive comments that  were insults delivered with a smile and  a honey voice. I decided that the ivory tower of perfection that she lives in must be well insulated because I don't think she comprehends the fact that I do not see life like she does, nor do I want to.

She and I  went to lunch at a small restaurant where we are required to take the check to the cash register but my relative laid down some cash and pushed the check away as she said, "I don't do cash registers."   That set the tone for a day that went by so very slowly.    I was once again thinking unpure thoughts, swearing, and  craving a large dose of silence accompanied by a glass of wine.

After she left, I went to my aunt's to spend time with friends and  relatives.  My sweet little aunt made  a dinner that was simple but delicious.  What was most important is that everyone in the room was genuine, instead floating on a cloud of their own self importance. I became acutely aware of how grateful I am for the people in my life.  Although  I may not live in an expensive zip code, I enjoy spending my time with people who harbor a spirit of diversity that encourages everyone to just be who they are.


A part of me wishes that I could have a better relationship with  certain people but I like my simple life of "come as you are" so I have adopted a "Either you accept me as I am or you can leave" philosophy.  Unfortunately, some people forget that  a larger bank  balance  only reflects our net worth, not our self worth.

"I have known a lot of rich people in my life. And the self-made ones fall into two groups. Those who have money and learn to think and behave like a rich person (afraid of change) and those who remain the same person they were before, but they just wait in shorter lines."

Alec Baldwin

cheryl's musings: You Cant Legislate Morality

cheryl's musings: You Cant Legislate Morality

cheryl's musings: Believe

cheryl's musings: Believe

cheryl's musings: Laughter In The Face of Family Drama

cheryl's musings: Laughter In The Face of Family Drama

cheryl's musings: The Misconception of Solitude

cheryl's musings: The Misconception of Solitude

cheryl's musings: The Power of Words

cheryl's musings: The Power of Words

cheryl's musings: Home

cheryl's musings: Home

cheryl's musings: Water

cheryl's musings: Water

The Power of Words

Our lives begin to end the day that we become silent on things that matter.

Martin Luther King Jr.

Passivity can be my weakness but my voice is my greatest weapon. Unfortunately,  I sometimes forget to use it.   I had to remind myself of this recently because I am currently revisiting the corner of too much to do and not enough hours in the day.  After an exhausting day at work, I come home to a different set of commitments, then I get a few hours sleep and start all over again. Even the weekends offer no relief lately because of so many personal commitments, homework, chores, and errands. Even on days off  I am lucky if I can find an hour to read my book.  I like being busy but busy has gone from stressful to ridiculous.

Out of frustration, I just stopped to take a close look at the obligations in my life. I realized that I was being passive in an attempt get by without conflict and the result was that I had meekly accepted too many commitments. I was compromising myself, and my schedule, so I could accommodate others by saying 'yes' with my mouth as the rest of me was saying no.  It was time to rethink my approach.

I started by declining commitments that put a strain on my already strained schedule and then scheduled my days around what works for me, not the relatives who drop by unexpectedly expecting to be entertained mid week or expect me to take on the bulk of family responsibility.  The result is that my days have less stress and greater productivity.  In order to find my balance again, I had to stop being passive,  I had to find my voice, and then I had to speak up.

The moment you start changing to please people, you will be taking  a step backward.

Joel O'Steen

 

 



This recent situation makes me wonder why we sometimes remain silent  when we should be standing up for ourselves.  It is as though we become passive because we try to convince ourselves that things will change for the better if we just go along with the expectations of others and just do whatever it takes to avoid conflict.  As a result, we remain silent and often do not realize the negative repercussions until it is too late.

 

When I was growing up, women were fighting for equality and I had a front row seat.  My family was divided on the issue, and it was a touchy subject in our home, but I was open with my views and this helped define who I am.  Today I  see a generation who takes freedom for granted.  Our freedoms are under attack while too many people remain silent, afraid that if they voice their thoughts, they could offend someone.  I think some people remain ignorantly confident that their freedoms will always be secure because they have never been without them. We should never forget that liberty and justice came at a price.

 

Our voices are our greatest form of defense irregardless if we are taking a stand in our personal lives or refusing to sit silent and watch unfair acts be imposed on others.  Words have great power.  The greatest men in history influenced humanity, not with guns or knives, but with words.  As I say this I think of Jesus, Ghandi, Socrates, Plato,  Abraham Lincoln, President Kennedy,  President Reagan, Gloria Steinem, and Martin Luther King are but a few  who changed our world using only their words.  Adolf Hitler lacked compassion and integrity but is was his speaking ability that influenced Germany.  Hitler spoke and the people listened while many sat silent, passively confident that the unthinkable would never happen.... until it did.

 

Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. 

 

A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.

Martin Luther King Jr.

 

I must not allow myself to remain silent or remain passive again. Our voice is our greatest defense in this world and it is imperative that we speak up.  It doesn't matter if I agree with you or if you agree with me. What is important is that we need to take a stand for what we believe in and let our voices be heard. Apathy is a form of acceptance. If we don't speak up it is inevitable that a few will be determining  the fate for a multitude of people who, instead of fighting to be heard,  sat in a passive silence.

 

One voice is like a candle in a dark room but a multitude of voices  is like a forest fire in a dry summer which cannot be ignored.  Speak up and be heard.

 

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We don't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.

 

Ronald Reagan.

 

 

 



Mean Humor

 What I love about this country is that our constitution supports my right to hold on to a belief system that is different from my neighbor as much as it supports someone else's right to believe differently than I do. Our nation is unique in that we embrace the differences of people and lifestyles while we condemn any type of discrimination based on race, color, or religion. 

Recently, I have begun to feel that we take these freedoms for granted.  Each time I turn on the television or radio I hear bullying insults that are intended to improve ratings or make people laugh. When did being mean become the standard for humor?  Earlier this week, I was listening to the radio while getting ready for work.  The DJ commented on the black and white dress worn by a woman (who is pregnant)and said that "Shamu wants it's dress back."  He thought that he was hilarious and later went on to say some very cruel things about the older people he sees in the shower at the gym. The irony of this was that, after his diatribe of criticism, he went on to talk about how bullying in schools is so devastating to children and we should teach our children to be more accepting.

As  I watched the Oscars last week, the host utilized insults as a form of humor. No one was spared so I finally turned the volume down and walked away.  The next day some people acknowledged that he went too far but, if we are to be honest with ourselves, this man's style of humor is becoming the norm in today's culture.

Michelle Obama made an appearance at the end to present an award. I have always seen her as an intelligent and attractive woman even though I feel that her 'Get Up and Move' campaign to prevent obesity is reflective of a  shallowness that places the focus on how people look instead of what they can do to create a healthier society.   Oscar night is a black tie affair for people of the entertainment world and Michelle Obama, who is married to the leader of the free world, was busy playing movie star. Our First Lady made her appearance in a gown that carried a price tag which would feed many for people for a month  and her very presence showed support for a venue that put a bully on the stage to hurl insults. I find it difficult to respect our First Lady when her primary concern is about preening in front of the camera like a celebrity as she completely disregarded the message that she was sending to the rest of the world.


What bothers me so much about what happened with the Oscars, or what I hear on the radio, is that our children are listening to this.  In college I did a paper on the "Desensitizing of America" which was about how children, who are immersed in cruelty through the movies and video games, tend to develop a tolerance for cruelty.  The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “to train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  Just as we need to be conscious of the nutritious foods that we put in our mouths,we also need to be aware of the messages that we feed our minds.  If we tolerate bullying as a form of humor, then we shouldn't be surprised when bullying becomes as issue in our schools.  When we incorporate death and cruelty into our world as a form of entertainment,  it will appear in other areas of our lives.  I stand by my statement that Mrs. Obama's stance is shallow because I know that I can change my diet  to improve my health but the mean spirited diatribe we see in society creates challenges that are far more difficult to overcome. 

"We Get What We Tolerate"

Joel Osteen

The constitution gave us the freedom of speech and I do not support censorship, even if I find the message to be offensive.  Our forefathers fought so that we would have the freedom to choose, the freedom to be different, and the freedom to share our opinions.  Yet, there is a sick sense of irony when people rally against bullying and preach acceptance as they simultaneously use the demeaning comments,  delivered in the name of humor, as a form of entertainment.  This  humor, which really is mean spirited, is gaining ground because too many people have taken a stance of tolerance.   Silence sends the message of tolerance to a society that is hurling degrading comments and excuses it in the name of comedy. All I can say is that   'We get what we tolerate."