Over the last few weeks I have loved coming home. My mother is thriving in the assisted living facility and my relatives are no longer popping in unexpectedly. I can walk my dogs whenever I want, eat whatever I want, read when and where I want, and I don't need to pick up after other people which gives me more time to complete tasks or just focus on fun. I love my family but I also love the fact that I am no longer compromising my personal space to accommodate others. In short, I love my solitude.
A relative recently made the comment that I must be lonely. I told her that I am not lonely but I saw the look of doubt in her eyes. She then asked me, "Aren't you interested in finding a life partner ....or do you really want to grow old alone?"
I often hear this question in one form or another so I gave her my standard answer. "No, I haven't ruled out the possibility of a life partner but I won't give up the current state of happiness just to avoid growing old alone."
Again, I received a look of pure skepticism so I pointed out that I have a couple of friends who were widowed years ago. Both of my grandmothers married their soul mates yet both of grandfathers passed away well before retirement age while my grandmothers went on to live well into their eighties. There are no guarantees. I think it is more important to learn to enjoy life on my own terms and make the commitment if I meet someone who compliments the life I have.
She surprised me with her reply of "It must be wonderful having all of that freedom, not needing to take care of anyone, eat out with friends every night, date if you want, shop until the stores close without checking in, and when you are at home you can do things at your own pace." I should have told her that this isn't exactly how the single life plays out but I didn't contradict her because it helped me change the subject.
A few days later I was discussing the conversation with my single friends. We all agree that there are some misconceptions about those of us who are single. The first misconception is that we should be available at a moment's notice because we don't have 'real' responsibilities. It is difficult for some people to understand that we have a schedule, a life, and responsibilities of our own even when we are flying solo. Second, many people assume that because we are alone that we must be lonely so our focus should be on finding 'Mr. Right or even Mr. Good enough. Then there are those who see the single life as one big party.
These assumptions make me wonder why some people feel the need to judge and think that everyone should be in a relationship to the point that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Are they just seeking some type of validation or perhaps they simply never learned to appreciate being alone.
The conversation progressed and soon my friends and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery. The answers varied from starting a winery to buying a goat farm. None of us need validation or permission to follow our dreams and we certainly aren't waiting for Prince (or Princess) charming to find us before we begin pursuing our passions. Our validation comes by reaching out with a telephone call or having a conversation with a good friend over a glass of wine.
I think that the people who are having difficulty understanding my contentment of being single do not understand that there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy my solitude and the freedom of not being accountable to a partner.Yes, there are drawbacks to living solo but these drawbacks are not significant enough to make me want to settle. A life partner may or may not be in my future but either way I am happy. I am hoping for Mr. Right but I enjoy this adventure called life far too much to settle for Mr. Good Enough.
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