A Series of Moments

 Waylon Jennings lyric: "I've always been crazy, but it's kept me from going insane."

 

Penny Marshall recently did an interview  to discuss her new book where she talks about a difficult mother, poor choices, and her philosophy about everything which is summed up as “If it isn’t fun why do it?” She said that the Waylon Jennings quote helps her to keep her perspective so she keeps it in a frame on her bathroom wall.

 

Reading that interview was my “Ah Ha” moment. Recently I have been struggling to find balance due to circumstances that I have limited control over.  Every day, for a couple of months now, I have poured myself a large glass of ‘whine’ .  Self-pity is not my style and I feel like I have betrayed my own life philosophy which says that change is inevitable but how it changes is up to me.  Within seconds of having my “Ah Ha” moment everything took on a much brighter outlook.

 

My sister took my 86 year old mother for a weekend visit so I had the weekend to myself for the first time in months.  That “Ah Ha” moment caused me to make a commitment to just enjoy the moments, one moment at a time.  Caring for someone with Alzheimer Disease or Dementia is draining but it is also just a series of moments.  No two moments are the same. Some moments are heartbreaking, others are frustrating, and then we have moments that make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe.  I vowed to focus on the ones that make me laugh.

 

When  my sister brought her home, we took mom to Wal-Mart and my sister requested a motorized cart that she could ride in. After a few false starts, mom gripped the handlebars, hunched over with a look of determination on her face, and took off down the aisle almost knocking over a stack of Halloween decorations.  My sister and I looked at each other in surprise and then I took off at a quick pace in an attempt to try and slow her down.

 Mom can’t hear but refuses to wear a hearing aid (because hearing aids are for old people) so I can’t get her attention unless she actually sees me. The challenge here is that she couldn’t see me because I was running behind her.   As we approach the other end of the store, she turned the cart into an aisle so quickly that I was surprised she didn’t leave skid marks on the tile.  My pace has now increased to a quick trot and, as I hurry down the aisle behind her, I am offering apologies to the people who backed against the store shelves to avoid being run over.  Finally, at the end of the aisle I caught up with her, but only because she paused while trying to decide which way to turn.  I suggested that she slow down but she merely reminds me that her dad used to drive race cars for a hobby… he taught her…. she is a great driver … this thing turns on a dime and stops on the fly…and she hasn’t hit anyone yet…etc.  I reminded her that this is not a car, or a motorcycle, pedestrians are everywhere, and this isn’t the expressway so it would be best if she went slowly. Her face took on a look of pure stubbornness as she pressed her little lips together so tight that for a moment I thought the point of her chin was going to touch the tip of her nose. 

I realize that this is part of her fight to retain her independence but I felt my positive outlook slip away until my sister finally caught up to us.  She took one look at mom’s face and told her that her cart knocked over some merchandise at the end of the aisle. She reminded her that if she breaks anything she may need to pay for it. Mom may have memory issues but she consistently knows exactly how much money is in her purse.  Money is a great motivator where mom is concerned so she agreed to slow down.

  

Some people were trying to exit the aisle and, as I smile apologetically to them, the man tells me not to worry about it. The man said to my mom “You maneuver that very well ma-am.” 

I smiled at him as Mom asked me “What did he say?” 

I didn’t want to lie but I don’t want to encourage the little speed demon either so I lean in and tell her “He said the cart stops on a dime.” 

She only nods and pushes the lever to accelerate.  Within a few seconds we found ourselves chasing after her again.

 

After the Wal-Mart adventure, we went to a nearby restaurant for dessert.  As we sat down at our table I look up to see the family who mom nearly collided with in Wal-Mart.  We said hello and I apologized again. He laughed and said “It is OK.  My wife and I were betting how long it would take her to ‘pop a wheelie’ in that thing.”

 

We had an enjoyable conversation but mom was struggling to hear.   At one point mom couldn’t hear me when I asked her what type of dessert she wanted so I repeated it louder and louder until the waitress came over with a look that clearly said ‘Stop yelling at that poor old woman.’   The waitress then asked her sweetly if she would like more ice tea, then repeated it louder, and louder.  Finally my mom replied loudly ‘No, I don’t need the bathroom!”  I gave the waitress my best “I told you so” look and suggested that she just pour the tea. 

 

Our new friends, and a few others, were trying to hold back laughter so I turned and said  "Do you see that blue car over there?”  As they nod  I said “That is my car. If you go to Wal-Mart and see that car ...enter with caution.  If you go in, you take the risk that Grandma is in the store cruising the aisles.  You still have options though.  Target is right across the street.” 

Watching us laugh my mother asked me "What did you say Cheryl?"

I reply " I was wondering if Target has one of the scooter carts like Wal-Mart has.  Let's try it next time and see which one is faster."

Mom laughed and then she says  “You know, Cheryl,  I may need to get a hearing aid .  I think that my hearing is going  bad!”  

  A series of moments that turn into memories is what life is all about.