Everyone has my number and even those who have alienated me over the years eventually call when there is a problem. I gave up trying to understand this years ago and just accept it. However, some calls catch us off guard. Especially calls from the local authorities saying my mom needs help.
The relationship with my mother consists of years of angst. I was never good enough, I didn't do what she wanted me to do, and she was manipulative as well as deceitful causing havoc in our lives for no apparent reason. When she could no longer manipulate me she refused to acknowledge me as a daughter and, aside from the occasional wellness check which consisted of me standing outside of her yard as she told me she wanted nothing to do with me because I wouldn't pay her $1200 a month cell phone bill, I hadn't seen much of her in years. Yet a call from the local sheriff caused me leave work immediately to make the two hour trip back to my home town.
As I parked in front I was speechless. The home I grew up in could now qualify for a television show on hoarders. Mom is 86 and a child of the depression era. She lived with the fear that whatever she discarded could be needed someday. When I walked in, the little woman in front of me was a mere shadow of the vibrant woman I remembered as a child but she was still just as feisty arguing with adult protective services over leaving her home. The lady from ADP explained to her that she could go with me or go into a home.
Mom didn't recognize me at first but, when she did, she was still reluctant to go. I told her that she could come with me or she would become a ward of the state. The reason I was there is because I didn't want her going into a home. In spite of the angst that I have against my mother over past events, it melted away when she transformed into a frightened little old lady who began to sob and admit she was afraid. At that moment she was just a frightened little old woman who was too skinny. She had no clothes because the relative who had been caring for her threw most of them away so she merely picked up her handbag and turned to limp out to my car. Still as stubborn as ever, she refused help and got in without saying a word. The deputy who called me said she had been locked in a room and was denied food. Since they didn't know when she had last eaten, finding food was first on my agenda.
Mom's clothes were too big for her, her shoes were fuzzy house slippers, she was dirty, and she was almost skeletal. The officer said that the relative who was caring for her is in jail on charges of elderly abuse so the plan was to bring her to live with me. To be honest, I was as scared as she was so I focused on what needed to be done. First stop was food, second stop Walmart for clothes and personal items, and then home for a bath.
I have never ever wanted to be a nurse but suddenly I was thrust into the roll. As I drew the bath and mom began to remove her slacks I noticed an awful wound on her leg, toes that were broken, and scratches on her face and shoulders. I asked her how it happened and she became confused saying it was from the car. The wound was large, very deep, infected, and .... repugnant to look at with a foul odor ...so I bandaged it up and we were off to urgent care who immediately sent her directly to a hospital with a good wound care unit.
I spent the next couple of days sitting by her hospital bed watching an old woman who is much too thin with tubes coming from her arms as her frail chest revealed every rib with each breath. The police came, took pictures, and tried to learn what happened from an 86 year old woman who is scared and has a failing memory. Finally they found that the caregiver had kept my Mom tied to a chair with limited bathroom access and limited food. The wound is from the restraints that tied her to the chair.
I felt an overwhelming anger course through me but no tears came. Then later when my son called to check on me the tears began to flow and I couldn't stop. I couldn't control the tears so I went into the hall so she wouldn't see how emotional I was. The time had come to reach beyond the resentment of the past. Everything happens for a reason. This is the time to try to find peace so I began to search my heart for the good memories.
As a very young child driving home at night with mom, she would direct my view to the horizons and say, "See the lights? They look like jewels. Let's see how many jewels we can find." We would spend the time scouring the horizon looking for jewels. I remembered her love of animals and how she would rescue anything that needed help. These are the memories I would focus on.
Two days later mom and I were finally on our way back to my house. My mind was occupied because I was trying to decide what room to set her up in, what do I need to buy, how much money was left in my account, and how to fit her care into my routine.
Mom surprised me when her voice broke into my thoughts as she said "Remember looking for jewels Cheryl? You would come with me in the car at night and to keep you from getting frightened we would watch for the lights on the horizon. I would tell you they looked like jewels. Do you remember?"
"Yes mom. In fact, I was remembering that very thing as I sat in the hospital." I told her and smiled as I said, "This memory is what our family jewels consist of I guess. Not very valuable but it is beautiful to us." It was coincidence that mom found the same memory I did and I wonder if she was searching to find happier times just as I had done.
Everything happens for a reason. Life is like this multi-dimensional puzzle where one event triggers another, and then another. Sometimes I wonder if God arranged life like this because he likes puzzles. Anyway, the fact that mom and I found the same memory makes me feel that this is happening for a reason. This one memory won't erase the wrongs of the past but it does provide a fragile link to happier times and it is my hope that one shared memory is a good start that can help ease us into a better future.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
You Cant Legislate Morality
During the last few days I watched with horror as details unfold on the massacre at a movie theater in Aurora Colorado. As expected, the debates over gun control began immediately. When Press Secretary James Brady was shot and paralyzed after the 1981 assassination attempt on President Reagan's life, he began campaigning for stricter gun control over handguns which eventually led to The Brady Bill. The Brady Bill calls for education and legislation to govern who can purchase guns. In the most basic of terms, this means that in if someone wants to buy a gun they need to undergo a background check to confirm that there is no criminal record or history of mental illness. This sounds like good preventative measures, however, the shooter at the Aurora Colorado theater had tear gas, handguns, assault rifles, and had purchased 6000 rounds of ammunition and all of this was obtained legally. If our tracking system was working properly then why is it that someone who purchased multiple assault rifles plus 6000 rounds of ammunition didn't raise a flaming red flag?
In my younger years, I lived in Asia where there are strict gun laws. What I witnessed is that gun control doesn't eliminate violence or violent death at the hands of someone with ill intent. If someone can't get a gun, then they will simply find different weapons and the result is just as ugly.
The saying that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' is true. Proponents of gun control live under the illusion that taking guns out of the hands of common citizens will eliminate violence but it won't. As hard as we try, we will never be able to legislate compassion, morality, integrity, or ethics to prevent things like this from happening. Unfortunately, the actions of many people today prove that the basic respect for life is eroding throughout America. Thirty years ago the news was violent and our television shows were entertaining but today the television shows are violent and the news reports are entertaining. This, in and of itself, makes a statement about the American attitude.
This country is in a bad place right now but a country is only as good as it's people. Although we need a better tracking system for gun purchases, and assault weapons should be severely restricted, Gun control is not the answer. America needs to take a hard look at our society today and they will see that the problem goes much deeper.
In my younger years, I lived in Asia where there are strict gun laws. What I witnessed is that gun control doesn't eliminate violence or violent death at the hands of someone with ill intent. If someone can't get a gun, then they will simply find different weapons and the result is just as ugly.
The saying that 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' is true. Proponents of gun control live under the illusion that taking guns out of the hands of common citizens will eliminate violence but it won't. As hard as we try, we will never be able to legislate compassion, morality, integrity, or ethics to prevent things like this from happening. Unfortunately, the actions of many people today prove that the basic respect for life is eroding throughout America. Thirty years ago the news was violent and our television shows were entertaining but today the television shows are violent and the news reports are entertaining. This, in and of itself, makes a statement about the American attitude.
This country is in a bad place right now but a country is only as good as it's people. Although we need a better tracking system for gun purchases, and assault weapons should be severely restricted, Gun control is not the answer. America needs to take a hard look at our society today and they will see that the problem goes much deeper.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Respecting Life
A recent article about the possibility of exterminating the wild horses along the Lower Salt River angered me. It is suspected that the horses have been in residence along the Salt since the 1600’s and many people come from all over the United States to paddle that run specifically to see these magnificent creatures. Yet, some agency decided that the horses are feral and need to be eliminated so petitions are circulating. The truth is that there is a mining company that wants to dig South East of that area and lay pipelines to dispose of its waste in the vicinity. My personal theory is that if the water has contamination, wildlife will die. Dead horses bring attention. This could pose a problem for the mining company. Of course we could always simply buy into the theory that horses which have resided in the area for a couple of centuries are suddenly a cause for concern and need to be exterminated and have nothing to do with a mine that wants to pipe it's waste into the area.
Every day I see news about groups of animals being eliminated because they are inconvenient. I find this disturbing on so many levels because it wasn’t that long ago that America was engaging in Eugenics, or genetic cleansing, on humans.
When I hear this flawed logic, I think of my two Pit Bulls who were both were rescues. I am a country girl who loves all animals but at first I was a little hesitant to take these dogs in because of the bad media. However, after speaking with my Veterinarian I gained a true understanding of the breed and adopted them. These dogs have been with me for five years and they are so loyal, and so gentle, that I am amazed that anyone would hesitate to take one into their family. When talking with other Pit Bull owners, I receive the same feedback. This is an absolutely wonderful breed. After adopting the first Pit Bull, I did some additional research on the breed and discovered that Pit Bulls are the only dog specifically bred not to attack man. In the late 1800’s they were used as ‘Nanny Dogs’ to guard small children because this breed has a level of intelligence and a sense of loyalty to their family that is superior to any other breed and because of these qualities Pit Bulls were used by the military. The problem with Pit Bulls is not with the breed. The blame lies on the shoulders of unethical and cruel owners who take advantage of the very quality that makes this breed such a great family dog. They manipulate their strength, tenacity, and loyalty to fight these dogs to the death. A Pit Bull will go into the ring and watch as the owner cheers him on from the edge. As long as this dog sees his owner is pleased with its actions, the dog will sacrifice its own life. Yet, states do not regulate the owners because it is more convenient to exterminate the breed.
In the late 1800’s a theory by Sir Francis Galton gained support by those in the upper income brackets. His theory said that people with certain traits were inconvenient to society and these inconvenient traits were inherited through a flawed bloodline passed down from the parents. This was not only about race. It was theorized that people with lower incomes and lower educations were in that lower social class because of a lower intellect that was inherited from a defective bloodline. A list of negative traits was developed, laws were passed, and people were forced to be sterilized to prevent breeding of inferior people. This continued until after WWII and some states continued the practice until 1972. Some of the qualities that qualified one for forced sterilization was having low income, promiscuity, lower social status, lower education, imperfect physical traits, poor health, homosexuality, and feeblemindedness. It was believed that certain behavioral qualities were inherited from your parents, such as selfishness, jealousy, arrogance, suspiciousness, high temperedness, cruelty, and alcoholism, and could be genetically cleansed as well as some physical traits ranging from something as simple as dyslexia to something as complex as paralysis.
I found an article from Lutz Keebler, Associate professor at University of Vermont. He writes:
American eugenics refers inter alia to compulsory sterilization laws adopted by over 30 states that led to more than 60,000 sterilizations of disabled individuals. Many of these individuals were sterilized because of a disability: they were mentally disabled or ill, or belonged to socially disadvantaged groups living on the margins of society. American eugenic laws and practices implemented in the first decades of the twentieth century influenced the much larger National Socialist compulsory sterilization program, which between 1934 and 1945 led to approximately 350,000 compulsory sterilizations and was a stepping stone to the Holocaust. Even after the details of the Nazi sterilization program (as well as its role as a precursor to the "Euthanasia" murders) became more widely known after World War II (and which the New York Times had reported on extensively and in great detail even before its implementation in 1934), sterilizations in some American states did not stop. Some states continued to sterilize residents well into the 1970s.
While Germany has taken important steps to commemorate the horrors of its past, including compulsory sterilization (however belatedly), the United States arguably has not when it comes to eugenics.
What amazes me is that American history books criticize the Eugenics programs implemented by the Germans, which eventually led to Hitler’s attempt to purge the world of Jews, yet allude to the fact that Americans were pure. What is not in the history books is that Germany modeled their eugenics program after a Eugenics program which was already firmly established in the United States. In fact, in 1907 it was the state of Indiana that passed the first eugenics based compulsory sterilization law ......in the world. German officers prepared a defense of their actions that relied heavily on the Eugenics programs used in the United States. They tried to justify their actions by stating they were only implementing the American philosophy of genetic cleansing. Therefore, America had given implied consent based on its own actions. It didn’t work and they were found guilty.
I think it is important to point out that, unlike Hitler, we didn’t murder thousands of people. America just played God and decided who could procreate and who couldn’t. However, it was America who opened the door to Germany’s version of genetic cleansing which, in the hands of someone who lacked compassion or ethics, moved it to the next level. The Holocaust, Eugenics, Slavery, cruelty in any form, or extermination of any single species, animal or human, based on a theory that they are not pure or inconvenient to deal with demonstrates the arrogance and selfishness in humanity which, ironically, are the very traits that the original Eugenics project was attempting to eliminate.
Wikipedia's definitionof Eugenics: Today it is widely regarded as a brutal movement which inflicted massive human rights violations on millions of people. The "interventions" advocated and practiced by eugenicists involved prominently the identification and classification of individuals and their families, including the poor, mentally ill, blind, deaf, developmentally disabled, promiscuous women, homosexuals and entire racial groups — such as the Roma and Jews — as "degenerate" or "unfit"; the segregation or institutionalization of such individuals and groups, their sterilization, euthanasia, and in the extreme case of Nazi Germany, their mass extermination.
This is the dark side of humanity in America but what is concerning is that it continues to lurk in the Shadows. America’s shameful past was never taught in my history class but we should be teaching this, along with the Holocaust, and our part in the slave trade to raise awareness. If America fails to acknowledge its mistakes and bring light into the darkenss without trying to hide or justify the wrongdoing, should we assume that America feels no shame or that these trangressions against humanity are not worth trying to prevent a repeat sometime in the future? What exactly is being done to prevent this from happening again? Hopefully, America hides behind a veil of shame and not one of deception. We should shine the light of truth into that dark corner and let humanity learn from past mistakes. In the process, we could be teaching a respect for life to America's youth and are our future leaders.
No one person or group should ever have control over what species should live and what species should die. No single species is superior to the next. Life is a delicate balance that is comprised of many forms, not just the human form.
Eugenics was the racist pseudoscience determined to wipe away all human beings deemed "unfit," preserving only those who conformed to a Nordic stereotype. Elements of the philosophy were enshrined as national policy by forced sterilization and segregation laws, as well as marriage restrictions, enacted in twenty-seven states. In 1909, California became the third state to adopt such laws. Ultimately, eugenics practitioners coercively sterilized some 60,000 Americans, barred the marriage of thousands, forcibly segregated thousands in "colonies," and persecuted untold numbers in ways we are just learning. Before World War II, nearly half of coercive sterilizations were done in California, and even after the war, the state accounted for a third of all such surgeries
“War against the Weak; Eugenics and America’s Campaign to Create a Master Race.”
Edwin Black
Our Universe operates like a well-timed machine and one part is as important as the next. Past mistakes should have taught us that eliminating one species upsets the balance of nature. It doesn’t matter if that species is animal or human. Yet, it seems that we consistently fail to learn from our mistakes as we continue to wipe out species of animals, or try to influence an image of perfection that is unattainable while encouraging people to go to great lengths to achieve that image, and later spend a great deal of money and time trying to revive what was lost when we realize that the world is out of balance. The solution is simple. Respect the differences and respect life in all forms. If we don’t, we may be offering our own form of implied consent.
There have been times when I am lovingly referred to as a ‘tree hugger’ but I am not offended. The truth is that my stance isn’t as much about hugging trees as acknowledging the fact that we humans are guests on this earth so we should be respecting mother earth and those we share it with. Each of us only has a limited time here. Our actions will have an impact on everything, and everyone, who shares this planet with us both now and in the future. If you doubt this, remember the impact of The Love Canal. The unfortunate consequences of the contamination at that site became a pivotal point which defined the EPA as we know it today. Yet, today I still see things that indicate we haven’t learned our lesson. The rise in cancer rates vs the increased contamination in our environment as large corporations still find ways to buy their way around the laws is a more obvious example. but the reason Environmental laws were established to protect the population in the first place is because some people refused to sit idle and simply tolerate what was happening.
It is important to wake up, speak up, and take a stand. If people tolerate cruelty, or sit idle as others justify eliminating life because it doesn’t fit in with our ideal then we have no excuse. We end up becoming a participant. Shame on us if that happens.
Take a stand. Speak out. Respect life.
Kühl, Stefan. The Nazi Connection: Eugenics, American Racism, and German National Socialism
Susan Currell (2006). Popular eugenics: national efficiency and American mass culture in the 1930s
Every day I see news about groups of animals being eliminated because they are inconvenient. I find this disturbing on so many levels because it wasn’t that long ago that America was engaging in Eugenics, or genetic cleansing, on humans.
When I hear this flawed logic, I think of my two Pit Bulls who were both were rescues. I am a country girl who loves all animals but at first I was a little hesitant to take these dogs in because of the bad media. However, after speaking with my Veterinarian I gained a true understanding of the breed and adopted them. These dogs have been with me for five years and they are so loyal, and so gentle, that I am amazed that anyone would hesitate to take one into their family. When talking with other Pit Bull owners, I receive the same feedback. This is an absolutely wonderful breed. After adopting the first Pit Bull, I did some additional research on the breed and discovered that Pit Bulls are the only dog specifically bred not to attack man. In the late 1800’s they were used as ‘Nanny Dogs’ to guard small children because this breed has a level of intelligence and a sense of loyalty to their family that is superior to any other breed and because of these qualities Pit Bulls were used by the military. The problem with Pit Bulls is not with the breed. The blame lies on the shoulders of unethical and cruel owners who take advantage of the very quality that makes this breed such a great family dog. They manipulate their strength, tenacity, and loyalty to fight these dogs to the death. A Pit Bull will go into the ring and watch as the owner cheers him on from the edge. As long as this dog sees his owner is pleased with its actions, the dog will sacrifice its own life. Yet, states do not regulate the owners because it is more convenient to exterminate the breed.
In the late 1800’s a theory by Sir Francis Galton gained support by those in the upper income brackets. His theory said that people with certain traits were inconvenient to society and these inconvenient traits were inherited through a flawed bloodline passed down from the parents. This was not only about race. It was theorized that people with lower incomes and lower educations were in that lower social class because of a lower intellect that was inherited from a defective bloodline. A list of negative traits was developed, laws were passed, and people were forced to be sterilized to prevent breeding of inferior people. This continued until after WWII and some states continued the practice until 1972. Some of the qualities that qualified one for forced sterilization was having low income, promiscuity, lower social status, lower education, imperfect physical traits, poor health, homosexuality, and feeblemindedness. It was believed that certain behavioral qualities were inherited from your parents, such as selfishness, jealousy, arrogance, suspiciousness, high temperedness, cruelty, and alcoholism, and could be genetically cleansed as well as some physical traits ranging from something as simple as dyslexia to something as complex as paralysis.
I found an article from Lutz Keebler, Associate professor at University of Vermont. He writes:
American eugenics refers inter alia to compulsory sterilization laws adopted by over 30 states that led to more than 60,000 sterilizations of disabled individuals. Many of these individuals were sterilized because of a disability: they were mentally disabled or ill, or belonged to socially disadvantaged groups living on the margins of society. American eugenic laws and practices implemented in the first decades of the twentieth century influenced the much larger National Socialist compulsory sterilization program, which between 1934 and 1945 led to approximately 350,000 compulsory sterilizations and was a stepping stone to the Holocaust. Even after the details of the Nazi sterilization program (as well as its role as a precursor to the "Euthanasia" murders) became more widely known after World War II (and which the New York Times had reported on extensively and in great detail even before its implementation in 1934), sterilizations in some American states did not stop. Some states continued to sterilize residents well into the 1970s.
While Germany has taken important steps to commemorate the horrors of its past, including compulsory sterilization (however belatedly), the United States arguably has not when it comes to eugenics.
What amazes me is that American history books criticize the Eugenics programs implemented by the Germans, which eventually led to Hitler’s attempt to purge the world of Jews, yet allude to the fact that Americans were pure. What is not in the history books is that Germany modeled their eugenics program after a Eugenics program which was already firmly established in the United States. In fact, in 1907 it was the state of Indiana that passed the first eugenics based compulsory sterilization law ......in the world. German officers prepared a defense of their actions that relied heavily on the Eugenics programs used in the United States. They tried to justify their actions by stating they were only implementing the American philosophy of genetic cleansing. Therefore, America had given implied consent based on its own actions. It didn’t work and they were found guilty.
I think it is important to point out that, unlike Hitler, we didn’t murder thousands of people. America just played God and decided who could procreate and who couldn’t. However, it was America who opened the door to Germany’s version of genetic cleansing which, in the hands of someone who lacked compassion or ethics, moved it to the next level. The Holocaust, Eugenics, Slavery, cruelty in any form, or extermination of any single species, animal or human, based on a theory that they are not pure or inconvenient to deal with demonstrates the arrogance and selfishness in humanity which, ironically, are the very traits that the original Eugenics project was attempting to eliminate.
Wikipedia's definitionof Eugenics: Today it is widely regarded as a brutal movement which inflicted massive human rights violations on millions of people. The "interventions" advocated and practiced by eugenicists involved prominently the identification and classification of individuals and their families, including the poor, mentally ill, blind, deaf, developmentally disabled, promiscuous women, homosexuals and entire racial groups — such as the Roma and Jews — as "degenerate" or "unfit"; the segregation or institutionalization of such individuals and groups, their sterilization, euthanasia, and in the extreme case of Nazi Germany, their mass extermination.
This is the dark side of humanity in America but what is concerning is that it continues to lurk in the Shadows. America’s shameful past was never taught in my history class but we should be teaching this, along with the Holocaust, and our part in the slave trade to raise awareness. If America fails to acknowledge its mistakes and bring light into the darkenss without trying to hide or justify the wrongdoing, should we assume that America feels no shame or that these trangressions against humanity are not worth trying to prevent a repeat sometime in the future? What exactly is being done to prevent this from happening again? Hopefully, America hides behind a veil of shame and not one of deception. We should shine the light of truth into that dark corner and let humanity learn from past mistakes. In the process, we could be teaching a respect for life to America's youth and are our future leaders.
No one person or group should ever have control over what species should live and what species should die. No single species is superior to the next. Life is a delicate balance that is comprised of many forms, not just the human form.
Eugenics was the racist pseudoscience determined to wipe away all human beings deemed "unfit," preserving only those who conformed to a Nordic stereotype. Elements of the philosophy were enshrined as national policy by forced sterilization and segregation laws, as well as marriage restrictions, enacted in twenty-seven states. In 1909, California became the third state to adopt such laws. Ultimately, eugenics practitioners coercively sterilized some 60,000 Americans, barred the marriage of thousands, forcibly segregated thousands in "colonies," and persecuted untold numbers in ways we are just learning. Before World War II, nearly half of coercive sterilizations were done in California, and even after the war, the state accounted for a third of all such surgeries
“War against the Weak; Eugenics and America’s Campaign to Create a Master Race.”
Edwin Black
Our Universe operates like a well-timed machine and one part is as important as the next. Past mistakes should have taught us that eliminating one species upsets the balance of nature. It doesn’t matter if that species is animal or human. Yet, it seems that we consistently fail to learn from our mistakes as we continue to wipe out species of animals, or try to influence an image of perfection that is unattainable while encouraging people to go to great lengths to achieve that image, and later spend a great deal of money and time trying to revive what was lost when we realize that the world is out of balance. The solution is simple. Respect the differences and respect life in all forms. If we don’t, we may be offering our own form of implied consent.
There have been times when I am lovingly referred to as a ‘tree hugger’ but I am not offended. The truth is that my stance isn’t as much about hugging trees as acknowledging the fact that we humans are guests on this earth so we should be respecting mother earth and those we share it with. Each of us only has a limited time here. Our actions will have an impact on everything, and everyone, who shares this planet with us both now and in the future. If you doubt this, remember the impact of The Love Canal. The unfortunate consequences of the contamination at that site became a pivotal point which defined the EPA as we know it today. Yet, today I still see things that indicate we haven’t learned our lesson. The rise in cancer rates vs the increased contamination in our environment as large corporations still find ways to buy their way around the laws is a more obvious example. but the reason Environmental laws were established to protect the population in the first place is because some people refused to sit idle and simply tolerate what was happening.
"We get what we tolerate"
Joel Osteen
It is important to wake up, speak up, and take a stand. If people tolerate cruelty, or sit idle as others justify eliminating life because it doesn’t fit in with our ideal then we have no excuse. We end up becoming a participant. Shame on us if that happens.
Take a stand. Speak out. Respect life.
Kühl, Stefan. The Nazi Connection: Eugenics, American Racism, and German National Socialism
Susan Currell (2006). Popular eugenics: national efficiency and American mass culture in the 1930s
Monday, July 9, 2012
In Memory of Sunshine
A few years ago the company I work for created a new department. They chose a few key people from several areas and brought them together to build this unit from the ground up. I was one of those people. The transition meant a longer commute for everyone plus the build out for our offices was behind schedule so we were to be sitting in small cubicles for a few months until construction was complete.
On my first day in the new office the person sitting directly across from me came walking in slowly while leaning heavily on his cane. Before he sat down he began to complain about his chair, the location of his cubicle, and a variety of other petty things. I said good morning and after replying he said "Get me some coffee." To which I reply "I don't make coffee and I don't fetch it." He looks up in astonishment and then points to his cane. "I struggle to get around." I reminded him that he made it from the parking garage to our floor and the men's room is next to the break room. If he can make it to one, he can make it to another. He spent another twenty minutes or so complaining about various things before he got up to get his own coffee. When he came back he had another list of complaints until I finally said,"Please! If I have to listen to you gripe endlessly for the time we are in these cubicles I am going to ask them to move me." His reply was "Well, in my previous office my assistant would have a cup of coffee and doughnut waiting for me every morning. Her name was Anabelle. You look like Anabelle." I told him "Well guess what Sunshine, I am not Anabelle."
I went out of my way to be extra cheerful and he would remind me that he was getting his OWN coffee and I would reply that the exercise is GOOD for him as he huffed off toward the break room chuckling under his breath.
One morning I walked in and cheerfully said "Do you know what I heard on the radio this morning?"
"Monster Mash?" he grumbles
"Nope" I say perkily. " I was listening to John Denver sing Sunshine on My Shoulder."
He immediately says "Oh, and you thought of me."
I laughed and exclaim "Exactly!" I then told him that I was going to call him sunshine going forward.
He didn't say much but about an hour later he turns around and tells me "I am going to call you Anabelle because you look like her even if you don't get my coffee." I laughed and said that I have been called worse.
Oddly enough, that was the start of a wonderful friendship. Sunshine needed back surgery and had a few other health issues but he was like the little train that refused to give up. I refused to coddle him but would help him lift heavy files or pull something out of bottom drawer. Even after we moved into our offices we would drop by each other's office to share news or to just talk. One day he says to me "Anabelle, why are you single?" I replied "No one can put up with me!" He laughed as he said "No argument there!" Sunshine had a huge heart of gold. People just had to get past the crust and dust first. He was generous to a fault and never hesitated help anyone. His biggest weakness was his grandchildren and his biggest fear was becoming useless. We talked about how he lost his first wife to breast cancer, after two failed marriages he realized he would never find what he had, we talked about being a single parent, and how he missed the love of his life every single day.
Today I was told that Sunshine passed away. As tears blurred my vision I recalled a gravestone I saw once with engraving that read: MOM, who was the sunshine of our lives.
Losing a friend is a painful reminder that life is fragile. How people remember us depends on how we touch their lives while we are on this earth. My friend was the sunshine for many lives, especially mine. I miss him already.
I am sending flowers with a card that says, "In memory of my friend Sunshine who brought a ray of sunlight into my world. Regards, Anabelle."
On my first day in the new office the person sitting directly across from me came walking in slowly while leaning heavily on his cane. Before he sat down he began to complain about his chair, the location of his cubicle, and a variety of other petty things. I said good morning and after replying he said "Get me some coffee." To which I reply "I don't make coffee and I don't fetch it." He looks up in astonishment and then points to his cane. "I struggle to get around." I reminded him that he made it from the parking garage to our floor and the men's room is next to the break room. If he can make it to one, he can make it to another. He spent another twenty minutes or so complaining about various things before he got up to get his own coffee. When he came back he had another list of complaints until I finally said,"Please! If I have to listen to you gripe endlessly for the time we are in these cubicles I am going to ask them to move me." His reply was "Well, in my previous office my assistant would have a cup of coffee and doughnut waiting for me every morning. Her name was Anabelle. You look like Anabelle." I told him "Well guess what Sunshine, I am not Anabelle."
I went out of my way to be extra cheerful and he would remind me that he was getting his OWN coffee and I would reply that the exercise is GOOD for him as he huffed off toward the break room chuckling under his breath.
One morning I walked in and cheerfully said "Do you know what I heard on the radio this morning?"
"Monster Mash?" he grumbles
"Nope" I say perkily. " I was listening to John Denver sing Sunshine on My Shoulder."
He immediately says "Oh, and you thought of me."
I laughed and exclaim "Exactly!" I then told him that I was going to call him sunshine going forward.
He didn't say much but about an hour later he turns around and tells me "I am going to call you Anabelle because you look like her even if you don't get my coffee." I laughed and said that I have been called worse.
Oddly enough, that was the start of a wonderful friendship. Sunshine needed back surgery and had a few other health issues but he was like the little train that refused to give up. I refused to coddle him but would help him lift heavy files or pull something out of bottom drawer. Even after we moved into our offices we would drop by each other's office to share news or to just talk. One day he says to me "Anabelle, why are you single?" I replied "No one can put up with me!" He laughed as he said "No argument there!" Sunshine had a huge heart of gold. People just had to get past the crust and dust first. He was generous to a fault and never hesitated help anyone. His biggest weakness was his grandchildren and his biggest fear was becoming useless. We talked about how he lost his first wife to breast cancer, after two failed marriages he realized he would never find what he had, we talked about being a single parent, and how he missed the love of his life every single day.
"It isn't what we take when we leave this world behind us,
it is what we leave behind us when we go."
Three Crosses
By; Randy Travis
Today I was told that Sunshine passed away. As tears blurred my vision I recalled a gravestone I saw once with engraving that read: MOM, who was the sunshine of our lives.
Losing a friend is a painful reminder that life is fragile. How people remember us depends on how we touch their lives while we are on this earth. My friend was the sunshine for many lives, especially mine. I miss him already.
I am sending flowers with a card that says, "In memory of my friend Sunshine who brought a ray of sunlight into my world. Regards, Anabelle."
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