What Matters

It is that time of year again.  Thanksgiving is in a few days so I sat down to make my list of things that I need to get done. When I was finished, I realized that I can't accomplish everything on the list and still have time to enjoy the season. So I cancelled a kayak outing to give myself time to get some chores completed. By the end of my weekend all I had done was work and on Sunday night I was regretting the fact that I didn't make time for myself.

My parents taught me to work first and play last.  I agree with this line of thinking but when the work is endless,  when do we stop? After all, everyone needs time to play, just sit quietly to enjoy the view, or allow time to just  work through the feelings that overwhelm us.  Yet I cancelled a kayak outing that offers me all of these things so I could allow more time for chores that will only need to be repeated next weekend. 

"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established." 

George Carlin

Monday came and I discussed my weekend with a friend of mine.  She said "So, you gave up time to relax and recharge so you could do yardwork and dust baseboards?" Later in the day she sent me an article and the first sentence caught my attention.  "Why do we wait for a crisis, or for something to happen, before we give ourselves permission to pursue what makes us happy?" 

She knows me well. One of my great failings is that I can become so involved in doing that I will forget to just enjoy living. Several times in previous years I have had to take a step back and regroup.  I often find myself so busy fulfilling my duties that I forget to take time to enjoy what life is all about.

"When we need to find God, he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature, trees, flowers, grass all grow in silence? See the stars, the moon, and the sun ..see  how they move in silence? We need silence to be able to touch souls."  Mother Teresa

Sacrificing my kayak outing meant more to me than giving up a pleasurable activity. The outdoors is like my church.  When I am away from civilization, I am closest to God.  I love the silence, the smell of nature, and I am in awe of everything I see.  As I hike up a mountain or paddle my kayak there is no reason not to be true to my own feelings.  When I am faced with the silence I cannot run from the truth.  I take this time to think and reflect.  It is a time when I revisit my memories, feel sad, or just enjoy being happy.  When I return to civilization, I feel  renewed and I am better able to face the challenges of this world. 

 A few years ago I was so busy being a parent, breadwinner, taking care of a home, and working that there wasn't much of me left over.  As Christmas approached I found a book sitting on my nightstand that I had purchased almost a year before yet I had no time to begin reading it.  I made a resolution that during the coming year  I would make time to do something that I enjoy daily. The following year, my resolution was to make more time to take care of myself.  I have kept both resolutions because I consider them to be baby steps for the recovering workaholic.  Two years ago my resolution was to invest in myself so I began shopping for kayaks. I now have my own equipment. 

"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude." Oprah Winfrey

  I wonder why people need a reason to give themselves permission to enjoy life. There are not many things that frighten me.  However,  I am terrified that I will grow too old to do the things I enjoy then find myself looking back with regrets for all of the things I wanted to try but didn't because I was too busy dusting my baseboards.

So,  I have now reorganized my 'to do' list.   My list is shorter because it is no longer about having the perfect house. My priority is  now about creating perfect memories. This year's  resolution is that within 12 months I will do something I have wanted to do but have put off.  I am giving myself permission to be passionate about life. My newest resolution is to pursue my passions one passion at a time.