Some people cannot tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~Author Unknown
As I grow older, I gain a new appreciation for the basics in life. I no longer need extravagant dinners and decadent surroundings to make me happy. Quality is more important to me than quantity. My life is based on my family, friends, pets, and a home that is comfortable and welcoming. Now that I am older, I have learned to live for myself without worrying about what other people think. I have discovered that prestigious jobs and money won't guarantee happiness. The people who I seek as friends are people who exhibit traits that I value. I respect people who are genuine, compassionate, value intelligence, and demonstrate both integrity and honesty in their day to day living. People who exhibit these traits are not perfect, but they are at least attempting to do what is right and will own up to an error in judgment with honesty and integrity.
“What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.”
Sir Walter Scott
Facing the truth is not always convenient. At times, it can even be uncomfortable to articulate the truth because there is no guarantee that the message will be well received. However, once we share the truth, the recipient owns it. Their response to our message allows us to determine what the level of commitment is to the relationship itself.
My Webster’s Dictionary defines honesty as “Freedom from deceit and fraud.”
Freedom! What an appropriate word because keeping a lie alive can hold us hostage. Most people will lie to spare feelings or to hide something they are ashamed of. We need to remember that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. An error in judgment is easier to forgive because a bold faced lie is a predetermined choice, not a momentary lapse. When we lie, we cheat ourselves of the opportunity to know if we can be accepted in spite of our imperfections. Keeping a lie usually results in, not only a loss of trust, but a loss of respect.
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.
~Tad Williams
Deceit is demeaning to the person being deceived and it is degrading to the relationship itself. Lies are like foundational cracks that will eventually compromise the basic structure of any relationship. Although the truth is not always easy to hear, and often more difficult to share, it does set both parties free to accept and to forgive. An uncomfortable truth is often an opportunity to gain a greater understanding and, in doing so, make a relationship stronger. A lie, however, always compromises trust which only weakens the relationship.
Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. ~Robert Brault,
If I want someone to tell me what I want to hear, I go to an acquaintance. If I want honest and constructive feedback I go to my friends. My friends will tell me what I need to hear in a loving way.
Honesty is not merely communicated through the spoken word but must be validated with actions. Cards and flowers are always pleasant but only actions can confirm the sincerity of the heart. Lie, deny, apologize, then lie and deny again or, what is worse, try to justify the deceit with another lie and the apology has now been reduced to noise. The only remedy for deceit is honest words combined with honest actions.
A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown
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