Reflections On Life

"I am just a guinea pig in this experiment called life."

George Carlin

As another birthday approaches, I have been reflecting on how grateful I am for my blessings. I did not enter this world with an instruction manual and a warranty for my equipment.  This life has been a "learn as I go experience."  Although I am happy, I realize that my life is what it is because of the  lessons I have learned along the way, the choices I have made, and the people I choose to share my time with.  In spite of everything I have experienced, there are still so many things  I want to learn, experience, share, and do. 

"We cannot prepare for defeat then expect to live a life of victory. Crows cannot fly with eagles."

Joel O'Steen'Stee

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When  my life was disappointing or painful , my first instinct has always been to withdraw until I have had time to heal.  On one occasion, when I was sitting at home with a broken heart, a respected friend told me that the best way to move forward is to avoid sitting still.  She said to do something I am afraid of every single day and never surrender to fear.  Things will not always go as planned, not everyone will understand you, but  we should never decline the opportunity to run the race because of the fear that we may lose.   Every race has a lesson to teach us so we do ourselves a disservice by surrendering our power to negative thinking. 

"None of us enjoy going through struggles, but you have to understand that your struggle may be an opportunity for advancement and promotion. The very thing you are fighting against so tenaciously may be the springboard that catapults you to a new level of excellence. Your challenges can become your greatest assets." Joel Osteen

Following my friend's advise wasn't the easiest thing to do but I was determined to try.  I recall wondering what fear I should attempt to conquer first.  It had been years since I sat in a restaurant eating dinner alone so that was my first personal challenge. Today I spend time volunteering at the zoo, I volunteer for the blind and dyslexic, the Children's Hospital, The Cancer Society, I kayak, I hike, I bike ride, I work for animals, and, if I have no friends to share an experience with, I go alone because I have learned to enjoy my own company.  I no longer feel guilty for putting negative people at a distance which gives me more time to focus on building better relationships with the friends and family who are important to me.  By following this simple rule,  I have done more than I ever would have dreamed of  doing had I spent my time at home letting sadness and defeat control me.  Now I spend time doing what I feel is best without worrying about the opinions of others. 

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.

Henry Thoreau

How can anyone say they are being true to themselves when they easily accept defeat.  What do we accomplish when we spend most of our time time worrying about  the opinions of others instead of how to invest in our own quality of life?  Too many people measure their success by watching the accomplishment of others. But our success should be measured by how close we have come to reaching our own personal goals.  No one can be be true to themself and everyone else at the same time.  Comparing ourselves to others is a dangerous game.  Life offers no guarantee that we will all move at the same pace. There will always be someone who excels at something that we struggle to manage and there is always someone who isn't as proficient with something we excel at.  Yet, anyone who is genuine and truly cares about us will accept us for who we are, flaws included.

"If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher on that side of the fence  too." Maya Angelou

When we feel hurt and defeated, surrender will initially appear to be the easier choice.  However, at the end of the day we will discover that all we have done is surrender our power to negative thinking only to accomplish nothing.  We are  each born with our own set of unique talents and have a life of opportunity in front of us. Life is not defined by the car we drive or the balance in our checking account.  Just as an ocean is comprised of billions of drops of water, our life is comprised of our many experiences.  We need to give ourself  permission to feel pain but, when we surrender to sadness and feelings of defeat , we have also surrendered our power.  What we accomplish is up to us.   We can be our own greatest asset or our own greatest obstacle.  The result depends on our attitude.  Each of us has the ability to  find victory by conquering defeat just one fear at a time.  The bible says that every sin begins with a thought.  I believe that every defeat begins the same way.  The world offers no guarantees but the possibilities are without limit.  However, the end result depends on us.

"The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

 Mark Twain

An Inconvenient Truth

There are only a few things that I cannot tolerate. Right on the top of this short list is dishonesty. Trust is an important element in my life so anyone I can’t trust will be kept at a distance. I heard a Yiddish proverb once that said “A man who lies for you is capable of lying against you.” This saying acknowledges that deceit is destructive and confirms why I refuse to accept it in my day to day living.

Some people cannot tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships. ~Author Unknown

As I grow older, I gain a new appreciation for the basics in life. I no longer need extravagant dinners and decadent surroundings to make me happy. Quality is more important to me than quantity. My life is based on my family, friends, pets, and a home that is comfortable and welcoming. Now that I am older, I have learned to live for myself without worrying about what other people think. I have discovered that prestigious jobs and money won't  guarantee happiness. The people who I seek as friends are people who exhibit traits that I value. I respect people who are genuine, compassionate, value intelligence, and demonstrate both integrity and honesty in their day to day living. People who exhibit these traits are not perfect, but they are at least attempting to do what is right and will  own up to an error in judgment with honesty and integrity. 

“What a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive.”

Sir Walter Scott

Facing the truth is not always convenient.  At times, it can even be uncomfortable to articulate the truth because there is no guarantee that the message will be well received. However, once we share the truth, the recipient owns it.  Their response to our message allows us to determine what  the level of commitment is to the relationship itself.



My Webster’s Dictionary defines honesty as “Freedom from deceit and fraud.”
Freedom! What an appropriate word because keeping a lie alive can hold us hostage. Most people will lie to spare feelings or to hide something they are ashamed of. We need to remember that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes. An error in judgment is easier to forgive because a bold faced lie is a predetermined choice, not a momentary lapse. When we lie, we cheat ourselves of the opportunity to know if we can be accepted in spite of our imperfections.  Keeping  a lie usually results in, not only a loss of trust, but a loss of respect.

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.

 ~Tad Williams

Deceit is demeaning to the person being deceived and it is degrading to the relationship itself. Lies are like foundational cracks that will eventually compromise the basic structure of any relationship. Although the truth is not always easy to hear, and often more difficult to share, it does set both parties free to accept and to forgive. An uncomfortable truth is often an opportunity to gain a greater understanding and, in doing so, make a relationship stronger. A lie, however, always compromises trust which only weakens the relationship.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie. ~Robert Brault,

If I want someone to tell me what I want to hear, I go to an acquaintance. If I want honest and constructive feedback I go to my friends. My friends will tell me what I need to hear in a loving way.

Honesty is not merely communicated through the spoken word but must be validated with actions. Cards and flowers are always pleasant but only actions can confirm the sincerity of the heart. Lie, deny, apologize, then lie and deny again or, what is worse,  try to justify the deceit with another lie and the apology has now been reduced to noise.  The only remedy for deceit is honest words combined with honest actions. 

A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown

One Word

Sometimes one word says it all.  Below is my favorite poem which is centered around one word.  I heard this poem for the first time in Junior High. Since that time, I have read and reread it many times.  The message gives me hope, it gives me strength, it reminds me life is not absolute,  it reminds me that my future depends on me, it reminds me that I have a choice in how I respond to adverse situations, but most of all it reminds me not to give up.

The  last few weeks have been difficult for me.  Today I made a difficult choice.  A situation arose recently that reopened some old wounds and, as I found myself hurting so much it was almost a physical pain, I began to remember some of the stanza's from this poem.  So, I prayed and then I pulled out my favorite poem to read in it's entirety. 

Lies are like small invisible cracks in a building's foundation.  Eventually, these cracks can compromise the structural integrity of what we worked so hard to build.  Betrayal is a terrible thing and, although I can forgive, I am intelligent enough to realize that  forgetting isn't always wise.  This poem is a reminder that we all face life challenges in one form or another but that is no excuse to give up, to stop believing in myself, to stop believing in truth, or to act with anything less than complete integrity.

If

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!