Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
The Power of Words
Our lives begin to end the day that we become silent on things that matter.
Martin Luther King Jr.
Passivity can be my weakness but my voice is my greatest weapon. Unfortunately, I sometimes forget to use it. I had to remind myself of this recently because I am currently revisiting the corner of too much to do and not enough hours in the day. After an exhausting day at work, I come home to a different set of commitments, then I get a few hours sleep and start all over again. Even the weekends offer no relief lately because of so many personal commitments, homework, chores, and errands. Even on days off I am lucky if I can find an hour to read my book. I like being busy but busy has gone from stressful to ridiculous.
Out of frustration, I just stopped to take a close look at the obligations in my life. I realized that I was being passive in an attempt get by without conflict and the result was that I had meekly accepted too many commitments. I was compromising myself, and my schedule, so I could accommodate others by saying 'yes' with my mouth as the rest of me was saying no. It was time to rethink my approach.
I started by declining commitments that put a strain on my already strained schedule and then scheduled my days around what works for me, not the relatives who drop by unexpectedly expecting to be entertained mid week or expect me to take on the bulk of family responsibility. The result is that my days have less stress and greater productivity. In order to find my balance again, I had to stop being passive, I had to find my voice, and then I had to speak up.
The moment you start changing to please people, you will be taking a step backward.
Joel O'Steen
This recent situation makes me wonder why we sometimes remain silent when we should be standing up for ourselves. It is as though we become passive because we try to convince ourselves that things will change for the better if we just go along with the expectations of others and just do whatever it takes to avoid conflict. As a result, we remain silent and often do not realize the negative repercussions until it is too late.
When I was growing up, women were fighting for equality and I had a front row seat. My family was divided on the issue, and it was a touchy subject in our home, but I was open with my views and this helped define who I am. Today I see a generation who takes freedom for granted. Our freedoms are under attack while too many people remain silent, afraid that if they voice their thoughts, they could offend someone. I think some people remain ignorantly confident that their freedoms will always be secure because they have never been without them. We should never forget that liberty and justice came at a price.
Our voices are our greatest form of defense irregardless if we are taking a stand in our personal lives or refusing to sit silent and watch unfair acts be imposed on others. Words have great power. The greatest men in history influenced humanity, not with guns or knives, but with words. As I say this I think of Jesus, Ghandi, Socrates, Plato, Abraham Lincoln, President Kennedy, President Reagan, Gloria Steinem, and Martin Luther King are but a few who changed our world using only their words. Adolf Hitler lacked compassion and integrity but is was his speaking ability that influenced Germany. Hitler spoke and the people listened while many sat silent, passively confident that the unthinkable would never happen.... until it did.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom.
A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
Martin Luther King Jr.
I must not allow myself to remain silent or remain passive again. Our voice is our greatest defense in this world and it is imperative that we speak up. It doesn't matter if I agree with you or if you agree with me. What is important is that we need to take a stand for what we believe in and let our voices be heard. Apathy is a form of acceptance. If we don't speak up it is inevitable that a few will be determining the fate for a multitude of people who, instead of fighting to be heard, sat in a passive silence.
One voice is like a candle in a dark room but a multitude of voices is like a forest fire in a dry summer which cannot be ignored. Speak up and be heard.
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We don't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.
Ronald Reagan.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Mean Humor
What I love about this country is that our constitution supports my right to hold on to a belief system that is different from my neighbor as much as it supports someone else's right to believe differently than I do. Our nation is unique in that we embrace the differences of people and lifestyles while we condemn any type of discrimination based on race, color, or religion.
Recently, I have begun to feel that we take these freedoms for granted. Each time I turn on the television or radio I hear bullying insults that are intended to improve ratings or make people laugh. When did being mean become the standard for humor? Earlier this week, I was listening to the radio while getting ready for work. The DJ commented on the black and white dress worn by a woman (who is pregnant)and said that "Shamu wants it's dress back." He thought that he was hilarious and later went on to say some very cruel things about the older people he sees in the shower at the gym. The irony of this was that, after his diatribe of criticism, he went on to talk about how bullying in schools is so devastating to children and we should teach our children to be more accepting.
As I watched the Oscars last week, the host utilized insults as a form of humor. No one was spared so I finally turned the volume down and walked away. The next day some people acknowledged that he went too far but, if we are to be honest with ourselves, this man's style of humor is becoming the norm in today's culture.
Michelle Obama made an appearance at the end to present an award. I have always seen her as an intelligent and attractive woman even though I feel that her 'Get Up and Move' campaign to prevent obesity is reflective of a shallowness that places the focus on how people look instead of what they can do to create a healthier society. Oscar night is a black tie affair for people of the entertainment world and Michelle Obama, who is married to the leader of the free world, was busy playing movie star. Our First Lady made her appearance in a gown that carried a price tag which would feed many for people for a month and her very presence showed support for a venue that put a bully on the stage to hurl insults. I find it difficult to respect our First Lady when her primary concern is about preening in front of the camera like a celebrity as she completely disregarded the message that she was sending to the rest of the world.
What bothers me so much about what happened with the Oscars, or what I hear on the radio, is that our children are listening to this. In college I did a paper on the "Desensitizing of America" which was about how children, who are immersed in cruelty through the movies and video games, tend to develop a tolerance for cruelty. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “to train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Just as we need to be conscious of the nutritious foods that we put in our mouths,we also need to be aware of the messages that we feed our minds. If we tolerate bullying as a form of humor, then we shouldn't be surprised when bullying becomes as issue in our schools. When we incorporate death and cruelty into our world as a form of entertainment, it will appear in other areas of our lives. I stand by my statement that Mrs. Obama's stance is shallow because I know that I can change my diet to improve my health but the mean spirited diatribe we see in society creates challenges that are far more difficult to overcome.
The constitution gave us the freedom of speech and I do not support censorship, even if I find the message to be offensive. Our forefathers fought so that we would have the freedom to choose, the freedom to be different, and the freedom to share our opinions. Yet, there is a sick sense of irony when people rally against bullying and preach acceptance as they simultaneously use the demeaning comments, delivered in the name of humor, as a form of entertainment. This humor, which really is mean spirited, is gaining ground because too many people have taken a stance of tolerance. Silence sends the message of tolerance to a society that is hurling degrading comments and excuses it in the name of comedy. All I can say is that 'We get what we tolerate."
Recently, I have begun to feel that we take these freedoms for granted. Each time I turn on the television or radio I hear bullying insults that are intended to improve ratings or make people laugh. When did being mean become the standard for humor? Earlier this week, I was listening to the radio while getting ready for work. The DJ commented on the black and white dress worn by a woman (who is pregnant)and said that "Shamu wants it's dress back." He thought that he was hilarious and later went on to say some very cruel things about the older people he sees in the shower at the gym. The irony of this was that, after his diatribe of criticism, he went on to talk about how bullying in schools is so devastating to children and we should teach our children to be more accepting.
As I watched the Oscars last week, the host utilized insults as a form of humor. No one was spared so I finally turned the volume down and walked away. The next day some people acknowledged that he went too far but, if we are to be honest with ourselves, this man's style of humor is becoming the norm in today's culture.
Michelle Obama made an appearance at the end to present an award. I have always seen her as an intelligent and attractive woman even though I feel that her 'Get Up and Move' campaign to prevent obesity is reflective of a shallowness that places the focus on how people look instead of what they can do to create a healthier society. Oscar night is a black tie affair for people of the entertainment world and Michelle Obama, who is married to the leader of the free world, was busy playing movie star. Our First Lady made her appearance in a gown that carried a price tag which would feed many for people for a month and her very presence showed support for a venue that put a bully on the stage to hurl insults. I find it difficult to respect our First Lady when her primary concern is about preening in front of the camera like a celebrity as she completely disregarded the message that she was sending to the rest of the world.
What bothers me so much about what happened with the Oscars, or what I hear on the radio, is that our children are listening to this. In college I did a paper on the "Desensitizing of America" which was about how children, who are immersed in cruelty through the movies and video games, tend to develop a tolerance for cruelty. The Bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “to train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Just as we need to be conscious of the nutritious foods that we put in our mouths,we also need to be aware of the messages that we feed our minds. If we tolerate bullying as a form of humor, then we shouldn't be surprised when bullying becomes as issue in our schools. When we incorporate death and cruelty into our world as a form of entertainment, it will appear in other areas of our lives. I stand by my statement that Mrs. Obama's stance is shallow because I know that I can change my diet to improve my health but the mean spirited diatribe we see in society creates challenges that are far more difficult to overcome.
"We Get What We Tolerate"
Joel Osteen
The constitution gave us the freedom of speech and I do not support censorship, even if I find the message to be offensive. Our forefathers fought so that we would have the freedom to choose, the freedom to be different, and the freedom to share our opinions. Yet, there is a sick sense of irony when people rally against bullying and preach acceptance as they simultaneously use the demeaning comments, delivered in the name of humor, as a form of entertainment. This humor, which really is mean spirited, is gaining ground because too many people have taken a stance of tolerance. Silence sends the message of tolerance to a society that is hurling degrading comments and excuses it in the name of comedy. All I can say is that 'We get what we tolerate."
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
The Misconception of Solitude
Over the last few weeks I have loved coming home. My mother is thriving in the assisted living facility and my relatives are no longer popping in unexpectedly. I can walk my dogs whenever I want, eat whatever I want, read when and where I want, and I don't need to pick up after other people which gives me more time to complete tasks or just focus on fun. I love my family but I also love the fact that I am no longer compromising my personal space to accommodate others. In short, I love my solitude.
A relative recently made the comment that I must be lonely. I told her that I am not lonely but I saw the look of doubt in her eyes. She then asked me, "Aren't you interested in finding a life partner ....or do you really want to grow old alone?"
I often hear this question in one form or another so I gave her my standard answer. "No, I haven't ruled out the possibility of a life partner but I won't give up the current state of happiness just to avoid growing old alone."
Again, I received a look of pure skepticism so I pointed out that I have a couple of friends who were widowed years ago. Both of my grandmothers married their soul mates yet both of grandfathers passed away well before retirement age while my grandmothers went on to live well into their eighties. There are no guarantees. I think it is more important to learn to enjoy life on my own terms and make the commitment if I meet someone who compliments the life I have.
She surprised me with her reply of "It must be wonderful having all of that freedom, not needing to take care of anyone, eat out with friends every night, date if you want, shop until the stores close without checking in, and when you are at home you can do things at your own pace." I should have told her that this isn't exactly how the single life plays out but I didn't contradict her because it helped me change the subject.
A few days later I was discussing the conversation with my single friends. We all agree that there are some misconceptions about those of us who are single. The first misconception is that we should be available at a moment's notice because we don't have 'real' responsibilities. It is difficult for some people to understand that we have a schedule, a life, and responsibilities of our own even when we are flying solo. Second, many people assume that because we are alone that we must be lonely so our focus should be on finding 'Mr. Right or even Mr. Good enough. Then there are those who see the single life as one big party.
These assumptions make me wonder why some people feel the need to judge and think that everyone should be in a relationship to the point that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Are they just seeking some type of validation or perhaps they simply never learned to appreciate being alone.
The conversation progressed and soon my friends and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery. The answers varied from starting a winery to buying a goat farm. None of us need validation or permission to follow our dreams and we certainly aren't waiting for Prince (or Princess) charming to find us before we begin pursuing our passions. Our validation comes by reaching out with a telephone call or having a conversation with a good friend over a glass of wine.
I think that the people who are having difficulty understanding my contentment of being single do not understand that there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy my solitude and the freedom of not being accountable to a partner.Yes, there are drawbacks to living solo but these drawbacks are not significant enough to make me want to settle. A life partner may or may not be in my future but either way I am happy. I am hoping for Mr. Right but I enjoy this adventure called life far too much to settle for Mr. Good Enough.
A relative recently made the comment that I must be lonely. I told her that I am not lonely but I saw the look of doubt in her eyes. She then asked me, "Aren't you interested in finding a life partner ....or do you really want to grow old alone?"
I often hear this question in one form or another so I gave her my standard answer. "No, I haven't ruled out the possibility of a life partner but I won't give up the current state of happiness just to avoid growing old alone."
Again, I received a look of pure skepticism so I pointed out that I have a couple of friends who were widowed years ago. Both of my grandmothers married their soul mates yet both of grandfathers passed away well before retirement age while my grandmothers went on to live well into their eighties. There are no guarantees. I think it is more important to learn to enjoy life on my own terms and make the commitment if I meet someone who compliments the life I have.
She surprised me with her reply of "It must be wonderful having all of that freedom, not needing to take care of anyone, eat out with friends every night, date if you want, shop until the stores close without checking in, and when you are at home you can do things at your own pace." I should have told her that this isn't exactly how the single life plays out but I didn't contradict her because it helped me change the subject.
A few days later I was discussing the conversation with my single friends. We all agree that there are some misconceptions about those of us who are single. The first misconception is that we should be available at a moment's notice because we don't have 'real' responsibilities. It is difficult for some people to understand that we have a schedule, a life, and responsibilities of our own even when we are flying solo. Second, many people assume that because we are alone that we must be lonely so our focus should be on finding 'Mr. Right or even Mr. Good enough. Then there are those who see the single life as one big party.
These assumptions make me wonder why some people feel the need to judge and think that everyone should be in a relationship to the point that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Are they just seeking some type of validation or perhaps they simply never learned to appreciate being alone.
The conversation progressed and soon my friends and I were talking about what we would do if we won the lottery. The answers varied from starting a winery to buying a goat farm. None of us need validation or permission to follow our dreams and we certainly aren't waiting for Prince (or Princess) charming to find us before we begin pursuing our passions. Our validation comes by reaching out with a telephone call or having a conversation with a good friend over a glass of wine.
I think that the people who are having difficulty understanding my contentment of being single do not understand that there is a difference between loneliness and solitude. I enjoy my solitude and the freedom of not being accountable to a partner.Yes, there are drawbacks to living solo but these drawbacks are not significant enough to make me want to settle. A life partner may or may not be in my future but either way I am happy. I am hoping for Mr. Right but I enjoy this adventure called life far too much to settle for Mr. Good Enough.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Happy and Prosperous New Year
"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. So, if you are feeling uncomfortable right now know that the change in your life is a beginning, not an ending. "
Neale Donald Walsh
Neale Donald Walsh
We rang in the American New Year over a month ago but in many parts of the world they prepare to ring in the Chinese New Year this weekend. In all countries, the new year is a symbol of putting the past to rest and celebrate the opportunities of the future. In China, the New Years traditions are symbolic of good events that are to bring health and prosperity during the new year. New shoes and clothes represent prosperity and the ability to overcome adversity. On the first day of the new year all meals omit meat to symbolize no killing during the upcoming year. Gifts of candy and food are given to relatives and friends. Unmarried children receive Ly See money in the traditional red envelopes and the list goes on. It is a time celebrate new opportunities as we put the past behind us.
The last year was a difficult one for me. A good friend passed away and my mother's life changed dramatically. My mother's situation had a tremendous impact me plus we are still sorting through the peripheral tasks that came with it. For this reason, I was skeptical of what to expect in the upcoming year and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed was sometimes difficult to overcome. January 1st came and went without much fanfare and I really didn't have any time to even think about setting goals other than to complete the work from 2012.
Today, however, is the first day of Chinese New Year. It is a special day because all of the bad stuff from last year has been left behind and, in it's wake, a fresh start is ahead. My mother is doing well, the work on her properties is making tremendous progress, my life is content, my sister and I are redeveloping a friendship, my friend's thirteen year old daughter was diagnosed with ovarian cancer but on Friday she was told that she should be cancer free after only a few chemotherapy treatments.
I have high hopes for the year of the snake so my goal is to finish the clean up detail from the previous year as I determine what life goals I want for myself. While I am contemplating what goals to set, I intend to declutter my own life by spending more time focusing on the people and events that are precious to me. To begin this journey, my weekend is spent having dinner with my sister, today I am helping with sweet granddaughter's birthday party and spending time with family. I also made firm plans to get together with good friends who I have had little time for in the previous months. After many weekends of sifting through forty plus years of stuff that my mother had hoarded because she said "it holds memories" I realized that tangible items are just stuff. Memories reside inside of our hearts. The rest really is just stuff so, with the exception for what goes to my mother's apartment and a few family heirlooms, it will all be sold.
In life, bad things happen. We sometimes get hurt but when we stop moving forward we cheat ourselves because we aren't giving life a chance. If we keep our focus on what is behind us we could miss all of the blessings that are right in front of us. I find the lyrics from the group Switchfoot to be inspirational and their song "I Dare You To Move" says it best. and this is my new favorite song for the upcoming year.
Happy and Prosperous New Year - Kung Hai Fat Choi
I Dare You To Move"
Switchfoot
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
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