The Imprints We Leave Behind

This weekend is father's day but it is also my dad's birthday.  We celebrated by having a brunch at my house with my son and  his family. When I was young, my dad would let me stand on a chair and 'help' him cook.  This provided quality time with dad and by time I was about eight I knew my way around a kitchen fairly well. I did the same with my children, and now my granddaughter has her very own little pink stool so she can help me in the kitchen. My son's girlfriend has a two year old boy, who is like a grandson to me, and today he too wanted to help so we had to limit her help to clean up and setting the table.

After everyone left  I realized that my garbage disposal was jammed.  I spent an hour of tinkering with it and  finally decided that I may need to call a plumber.  As  I began to scoop out the standing water with a turkey baster, I noticed that the drain looked different.   I ran my fingers around the rim and then I could not keep the smile off of my face as I pulled out a child size glass with little daisies all over it which was wedged down inside of the drain opening.  It made me wonder if it had been put there by my favorite little  helper because when my granddaughter visits, she always leaves something behind. She told my daughter once that it was " to remind nanna that she was there and so nanna would know she was there."   I looked around the room and saw the napkins sitting at a crooked angle in the napkin holder where little James was trying to do his part. Little finger prints were on my glass doors.  I moved my orchid, which was a gift from my son a few months ago, and put it back on the table. Next I washed the cobalt blue glasses that were a gift from my daughter. Then I  looked around for the next chore and realized that I am surrounded by things that always remind me of the people I love, reminders that they have touched my life in wonderful ways.

For example, the egg dish I served in mom's crystal bowl was one of my dad's favorite and dad was the one who taught me to make the blueberry buttermilk pancakes.  I have wonderful memories of standing on a chair as my dad showed me how to tell when the batter was just right and how to know when the pancakes were done.  My buffet has a runner that my grandma made.  Grandma was gifted with needlework and this particular runner is a favorite of mine with embroidery that includes vibrant colors of blue, yellow, and bright pink with hand crocheted edging.  My napkin holder was a gift from my mom many years go.  It is hand blown glass with napkins in it that  have the same colors as the runner. There is also a set of salt and pepper shakers that a dear friend bought for me when she visited Europe. My son's girlfriend had commented on my unusual coffee mug, a mug that my children bought me over twenty years ago.

It isn't the items that mean so much, it is the memories that come with them.  Each person that has touched my life has left an imprint of their presence. The imprint of my children, grandchildren, parents, ancestors, and friends are everywhere in my home and in my life, evoking wonderful memories.  I can only hope that the imprint I leave on their lives will evoke happy memories of me long after I am gone.

Once the clean up was complete,  I walked into my room and  on my bathroom counter, right where I can't miss it,  sits a little pink princess crown.  It is my little angel's message "I was here nanna. Remember me."  ... as though I would ever forget.


Happy Birthday and Happy Father's day to my dad.  I wish I could thank him for the wonderful memories.   I wish he was here so I could leave a  pink crown on his counter and then he too would know that I was here and I am thinking of him always.

Angel On The River

I don't know if I actually believe in Guardian Angels, but I do know that sometimes things happen that defy explanation.  For example, a series of dreams that reunites me with old friends, family, or a granddaughter that I was unaware of.  Events that only my closest friends and I share because I don't want to sound like a lunatic.  Basically, I don't know if I believe in Angels, ghosts, or demons but I  have experienced things that defy explanation so I don't try to understand them. I just accept that there are some things that are beyond my understanding.

 A good friend of mine said that she missed kayaking with me and wanted to get out on a river. I told her that I haven't been paddling regularly so I didn't think a strenuous trip would be advisable until I tone up my paddle muscles again.  We agreed to go down a mild stretch of the river.   Once we were on the water, I was glad that we were navigating a milder current because I noticed that I had to work harder than I did a year ago.

As I paddled the current I remembered the only time that I came close to getting hurt. Over a year ago, my friends and I were on the river in an area that is somewhere between a class II and class III.  I was not giving the current my full attention and got caught in a an eddy that was deep and swift. Although I was able to successfully paddle out of the eddy I was pulled into some large rocks which were sticking out of the water. My kayak became wedged and began to fill with water so I did a quick exit.  The water was only waist high but the current was very swift.  My companions went to the shore and threw a tow line to tie around the kayak and tow it to shore.  As they dislodged the kayak  the current suddenly shifted and pulled me off of my feet. I was swept under the kayak and found myself being swept downstream toward a section with stronger current and very large rocks.  After the initial shock of being submerged, my safety training kicked in. I knew I had to stop being pulled downstream because the swift current and rocks ahead were very dangerous.  Head up, toes pointed, grab rock, on knees, on my feet,  and seconds later I was on shore again walking upstream to my friends who were frantically calling my name.

On this kayak trip  I saw an eddy  with a couple of large rocks sticking out of the water. My heart was in my stomach as I tried to navigate around them but the current was strong.  As I felt my kayak being sucked sideways  into the rocks, the memory of that previous experience surfaced and I did the worst thing possible... I froze. As my kayak began to turn sideways,  I heard a firm voice in my head say  "Either you control that kayak or the current will control you."  I began to paddle and I heard that voice  reminding me "Use your hips. Don't fight the current, just paddle faster than the water." So, I used my hips, put my paddle deep in the water, and paddled as hard as I could. "Dig in and.get control"  Instead of focusing on my fear I focused on that voice. As I felt memories of my training surface I began to regain control and I placed my paddle deep in the water, braced, and used my hips to adjust the kayak. I felt the kayak right itself  ...in my head I heard that voice say "Paddle!! Paddle!!" ....so I  paddled hard.  I used my hips to turn... paddle.. turn,....paddle.... turn again... paddle hard...and then I was out of the eddy and away from the rocks. 

Another kayaker had held back  to make certain that I made it through and told me, "That was a great recovery! I got it on video.  May I put it on  U Tube?"  I replied with a laugh that I was glad my hat and sunglasses were hiding my face. 

My new kayak friend and I paddled together downstream.  On the slower moving parts of the river we talked and shared some stories. At one point we passed a large group of people in canoes and rafts floating near the shore with balloons.  My new friend paddled over to the group and asked if they are celebrating a birthday. 

One lady said,  No, this the anniversary of the day her son died on the river.  Exactly one year to the day. They think he got stuck in some rocks back there, and she pointed toward the area I had just come from,  but they found his body down by the bridge.  This group was floating in his memory and when they reach the bridge  they will release their  balloons .

I remembered that very distinct voice in my head clearly guiding me when I was being pushed into those rocks and I can't help but wonder......