Making Time....

At lunch my friends and I talked about how easy it is to become so focused on responsibility that we either put off having fun or feel guilty when we do take time out for fun. This doesn’t mean we are unhappy. It simply means that we fail to disconnect from what needs to be done to just experience the things that bring us pleasure.



I recall that a few years back every moment of my time was scheduled and the stress was beginning to show in my health and my attitude. Reading has been a passion of mine so my latest read, or several books, always sit on my night table. Then one evening, as I was getting into bed, a book that I had been excited to start reading fell off of my nightstand. As I picked up the book I looked at the receipt and realized that it was dated more than one year before. I was shocked and had to think back and ask myself… when was the last time I took time just for me?


It wasn't as though I was unhappy. Yet, it is possible to be happy without having fun. However, one cannot have fun without being happy. That night I started reading my book and the next day I called work to say I wasn’t coming in. I didn’t clean, I didn’t run errands, and I really didn’t do anything productive. Instead, I met a friend for lunch, went shopping, spent time with my children, and took my dogs on a hike. That evening I read more of my book and the following day I felt like a new person. It dawned on me that I had been taking care of everything and everyone but I forgot to take care of myself.


I began to make it a point to schedule time for myself regularly but I found that letting go to just have fun is a skill that I had to learn all over again. After years of keeping my focus on being productive, making time for fun seemed selfish and superfluous. It meant that on some Saturdays I had to choose between chores or making time for myself. At first this was actually very difficult for me.

Many people are ambitious or natural nurturers so taking on responsibilities for house, family, and work is as natural as eating potato chips. However, I know that when I take out the bag of chips I always promise myself I will only eat one or two. Then I tell myself one more won’t hurt, then I eat another, and before I know it I have eaten way too much. I end up doing the same thing in my life by convincing myself I can squeeze in one more task or take on just one more responsibility. Before I know it I have taken on too much and then I sacrifice my personal time so I can meet my commitments.

The problem is that we can become so caught up in trying to create the life we think we should have that we risk losing the passion and excitement for the life that we do have. Yet, what truly matters in life is happiness and happiness begins by tuning into what our heart says.


Victoria O’Steen compared fun time to the white space we see on a page in a book. She pointed out that each page has white space between each letter, each word, and each line. This white space appears to serve no purpose but imagine how that page would look if that white space was not there! The white space offers relief for our eyes and helps to clarify where the words are. Taking time for fun is like the white space in our life. It is not just about happiness, it is about a joyful disconnect to revel in something which makes us savor being alive.


My mom used to say that if we fail to maintain our objectivity then we won’t be able to find the forest because the trees are blocking the view. Taking time to disconnect helps us see the trees and recognize the forest as well. Fun brings life back into balance and, just like that blank space between the words, making time to be joyful can bring clarity to our personal stories.

Creating Kairos Moments

The ancient Greeks had two words for time,  chronos and kairos. While the former chronos  refers to  sequential time, the latter signifies a time in between, a moment of indeterminate time in which something special happens. What the special something is depends on who is using the word. Chronos relates to quantity while kairos has a qualitative nature.

Thirty years ago was my first mother's day.   I was living in Hong Kong at the time, and they don't celebrate mother's day. My husband worked on Sundays so I limited my Sunday celebration to American food at the Sheraton Hotel. My lunch consisted of a ham sandwich on white bread and a bowl of vegetable soup (Campbell's Soup) with American coffee and potato chips.  I enjoyed the Asian food but after an entire week of steamed rice and fish Campbell's soup tasted good.  The hotel was located in a tourist district called Tsim Tsa Tsui and it was a treat to take the thirty minute train ride there to explore or find a hotel restaurant that had a more American feel.  On my first Mother's Day, I invited my mother in law to join me for lunch.  I don't think she was very impressed with the food but we enjoyed the quality time together as my daughter slept in her stroller. 

A few weeks later my mother in law came over to tell me she was going out would be back soon.  My Chinese isn't the best so I just picked up the fact that she was going out and something about food.  About an hour later she came over to our flat with a smile, a hug, and a tray with food. As she set the tray down I saw a big bowl of Campbell's vegetable soup, and a slices of ham between pieces of white bread.  I didn't understand her words but I did realize that she had to go out of her way to get that Campbell's Soup.  She was trying to do something special for me and I was so deeply touched.  Even now I cannot look at Campbell's soup without thinking of my first mothers day and that thoughtful gesture.

 I have always asked my children do something instead of buying me a gift.   The result is that  my children have created wonderful memories of brunches, elaborate picnic lunches, day hikes, or  short day trips.  Chronos is inevitable and time marches on but I discovered on that first Mother's Day outing that Mother's Day is about creating Kairos. Things wear out, break,get used up, or get lost but the memories are with me forever.  The two Mother's day gifts that have sentimental value which I keep close to me are a coffee mug  from 1991 that I always use and a gold ring from 1998 that I always wear. However, the best gifts  from past Mother's Days are the memories of family gatherings .......or thoughtful gestures like a bowl of Campbell's Soup and a sandwich on white bread.