Very few people know that I can sing. When I was young, I was singled out to do solos in church and a school choral group. Both of my parents can sing and my mother has an amazing voice. Mom loved opera and, recognizing that I had perfect pitch, she signed me up for vocal lessons. I felt mediocre because I struggled to hit high notes, I couldn’t project efficiently, and eventually I didn’t enjoy singing at all. Soon I began to fake many sore throats so I could escape the obligation to perform and by the time I was 15 I refused to participate at all. I had reached a point where I felt like a failure and didn’t even like the sound of my own voice. I have refused to sing anything in public since that time.
A few years ago, some friends and I were singing to a Jackson Brown album when someone commented on my voice. I told them I am not very good and I explained why I hate singing in front of others. They replied, “You have a wonderful voice. It sounds like you can sing but you just didn’t like the operatic style people were trying to force you to sing.” At that moment I realized that I had convinced myself that I lacked talent because I wasn't performing by someone else's standards.
I do not go to church every week but I do have a strong faith in God and I do believe that God has a plan for each of us. Like children, we need to fail because we learn from mistakes. What I find amazing is that God creates miracles from our failures. In the bible, some of the most prominent figures came from the most unlikely people. I believe that God sometimes needs us to learn to be our own unique self, develop our own talents, and risk failure before we can find success.
The world tells us that we should conform. We are told that to be accepted we need to change who we are. Yet, most successful people have challenged this line of thinking. Many of the greatest men and women in history were rebels. Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my heroes, is quoted as saying “Well behaved women never make history.”
Ryan Blair, a former gang member who did jail time, only has a 9th grade education yet is the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation. In the article ‘Gang Member to CEO’ he is quoted as saying:
“As a product of Los Angeles's public school system, in a state with the highest dropout rate in the nation (about 20 percent), I can tell you from personal experience that some of our brightest minds are being misidentified because of a one-size-fits-all learning environment. Because I had ADD and dyslexia I never got past the 9th grade. I recall sitting with a career counselor in continuation high school, being told that I didn't have the intellect or aptitude to become a doctor or a lawyer. They suggested a trade school, construction, something where I'd be working with my hands.
The irony is that today I employ plenty of doctors and lawyers. Would you rather be a doctor or a lawyer, or a guy who writes a check to doctors and lawyers? As an entrepreneur, having a college degree or getting classroom training won't hurt your chances for starting a successful business, but it's ultimately not necessary. In Malcolm Gladwell's book "Outliers," he makes a point that it takes approximately 10,000 hours to master a skill set at a professional level. That means experience, over traditional education”.
The truth is that some of the most talented people in history were told they had no talent. Society told them not to try but they refused to conform and refused to stop pursuing their passions. An article I have saved for years by Ann Landers titled “Failure Can Provide Golden Lesson” is taped to my refrigerator. In the article it points out that:
• Einstein was 4 years old before he could speak.
• Isaac Newton did poorly in grade school and was considered unpromising.
• Beethoven’s’ music teacher told him he was hopeless as a composer.
• In grade school, Thomas Edison’s teacher told him he was too stupid to learn anything and recommended he go into a field where he could succeed by virtue of his pleasant personality.
• Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
• Boston Celtics hall of famer Bob Cousy suffered the same fate.
• A newspaper editor fired Walt Disney because he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”
• Babe Ruth struck out 1300 times, a major league record.
Last week I came home and my two year old granddaughter was running around with no shirt on. I both sympathized with my son and laughed at the memory it evoked. When I was very young, I saw my brother working outside with no shirt and decided that on a hot summer day no shirt made more sense than the scratchy shirt I was wearing. My mother saw me running around shirtless and made me put my shirt on while talking to me about acting like a lady. As I grew up, I was often discouraged from participating in many activities as I heard the term “it isn’t ladylike” used as a reason. As I grew I resented the fact that the boys got to have all the fun. However, as an adult, my activities are not gender defined. I enjoy trying new things and I am not afraid of getting my hand dirty nor am I going to let the fear of failure hold me back. Just because I can’t do something now, doesn’t mean I can't learn it. If something appeals to me I will give it a go irregardless of what others think I should be doing.
Life is too just too short to be defined by the expectations of others. This one size fits all philosophy makes others comfortable , however, that doesn't mean conforming is the always best choice. As for myself, I am usually the round peg who has no intention of trying to fit into that square hole.
