Being True To Yourself is The Ultimate Victory

Everyone is unique but many of us are so busy trying to blend in that we fail to develop our own individuality.  Someone told me once that it is easier to be in second place.  There is a certain truth in this statement.  Those who come in first often impose a burden on themselves to live up to the expectations of others.   But winning isn't always measured by first place statistics  I applaud the toned and healthy marathon runner who breaks a world record when he crosses the finish line.  My admiration and respect is for the runner who  crosses the finish line in spite of physical challenges that could have been used as an excuse not to try.  True victory comes from the person who has the courage to embrace their own unique qualities and follow their passions instead of following the crowd.

Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying even when you know you can lose.”
Tom Kraus

Joel Osteen gave a sermon on the challenges in life.  He said that a pearl is the result of an irritation.  A grain of sand in the shell is an irritation to the oyster.  The oyster creates fluids to coat the irritation and results in creating something beautiful.  Our challenges,  like that grain of sand, give us great potential.


Sometimes the biggest challenge is to be true to myself instead of doing what everyone else expects me to do. After I moved away from home, I struggled to find a place between what was expected of me and who I wanted to be.   During this time in my life I was frustrated.  I was trying to be true to myself while still trying to please everyone else at the same time and it wasn't working.  My schedule was hectic because I was working and taking night classes so  all errands were done on my lunch break.  On one of my many lunch time errands I met a woman I will refer to as Mrs. V and over the next year our paths crossed many times.  Watching how she lived her life helped me  define how I wanted to live mine.

 I went into a drugstore across the street from where I worked during a lunch break and as I waited in the cashier line  an older woman with a grey slacks, grey sweater, a lavendar hat, and matching scarf began a friendly conversation as we waited.  As the cashier tallied her items she charged her a higher price than what was marked. There was only about twenty five cents difference but this lady was unhappy.  She demanded to see the store manager.   The items had been mismarked and she reminded the manager that if he marked it incorrectly, he needs to offer it at the price it is marked at. I thanked her for speaking up because now both she and I were able to get the lower price.  As she prepared to leave she turned and apologized for delaying me but she said I should not ever be afraid to speak my mind. Freedom to stand up for yourself is what this country is all about and nothing  has ever been accomplished by accepting something that doesn't feel right.  Mentioning the encounter later in the day I was told that  this woman was someone who had a reputation of fighting for change if she felt something wasn't right and is well respected in the community. 

You get what you tolerate

Joel Osteen

The following summer I did volunteer work with senior citizens.  One of the people who was also involved in helping the senior citizens was Mrs. V.  By my estimate, she was about 75 at the time. She told me that age is just a number and, although some people call her eccentric, if she still has all of her senses then she will help those who can't help themselves  until she can't do it anymore.  

It was a wonderful summer. I was able to spend time with several intelligent women who were deducated to helping others, cultured, open minded, and strong willed.  Because of Mrs. V and the people I met that summer,  I learned that nothing is absolute.  Art, music, theater, literature, opinions, and people are all subjective to personal preference.    Beauty is everywhere and beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. Each piece of art is unique and art is all around us. Life itself is an art.  Life is not absolute, it is always subject to change. The most valuable lesson was that I can't be unique and be like everyone else at the same time.

"Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be”
George Sheehan

The last time I saw Mrs. V. was at a concert in 1980. It was snowing so I carefully walked through the ice and snow in my best dress and heels.  In the lobby of the auditorium I heard a commotion and saw Mrs. V. sweep in wearing a long black velvet dress, some beautiful jewelry, and one of her many hats.  She was holding her long skirts high and I smiled as I saw she was wearing fur trimmed snow boots with her formal attire.  When she saw me  she smiled  and waved hello. Then she saw my shoes her face broke into a wide grin as she pointed to her boots and wagged her booted foot.  Before I could reply she was caught in a crowd of people and ushered to her seat.   A few months later I moved away and never saw her again.  About 16 years ago I heard that Mrs V passed away a few months after her 100th birthday. I remember her with  a certain fondness but I still admire her for  her courage to live her life with passion and  apologize to absolutely no one for being who she is.  This incredible woman had the courage to embrace her uniqueness.   Although she is not known for breaking any records, her success can be seen through the many lives she touched.

 Because of Mrs. V.,  I found the courage to be true to myself.  She showed me that it may be easier to follow others but I can never be truly happy living someone else's dream.  I learned that it is best to speak up when something doesn't feel right.  Always do what makes sense.  High heels look beautiful but, if  it is snowing outside, but don't be afraid to leave them at home and wear snow boots.  If my shoes are the catalyst for acceptance, then my acceptance would be temporary anyway.  I have since learned to follow my passions and what I learned is that  art and living are  both subjective.  Life is not black and white. It is a myriad of beautiful colors for those who have the courage to open their hearts and embrace it.  The most important lesson I have ever learned is that a winner follows their passions, not to compete with others, but to be their personal best. 

“Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”
Herman Cain.

The Golden Handcuffs

This weekend I had the first free time that I have had in a couple of weeks. I prefer to remain flexible with my schedule but I had things I really wanted to do.  By 9am my schedule had completely changed. Instead of the household tasks and social time I had been hoping for the schedule changed because I  took on other responsibilities.  I felt defeated. My free time is limited  so I was disappointed that this turned into another day where I would be completing tasks without enjoying my time or accomplishing anything important. 

Then I recalled something my daughter said about a friend whose degree was not based on her passion, but instead it was based on income potential. Her friend landed that high paying job right out of college but soon realized that she was unhappy. Since her focus was on the pay her degree was skill specific and didn't allow room for autonomy. Eventually she left the coveted job and the large paycheck to do blue collar work. Now she is training for something  that follows her passions. Her paycheck isn't as large but she is happy   She refers to her previous job as "The Golden Handcuffs."

"Find a job you love and never work a day in your life."

Confucius



My daughter is an intelligent young woman and I enjoy our conversations.  Recently she quoted something from the teachings of her church.  In summary she said; "If we fail to stop learning, dreaming, and challenging ourselves we face the risk of our spirit becoming stagnant which makes us vulnerable to the world. "

This is a personal challenge for me because I can become so engrossed in completing the work  that when I look up I  see the life that I failed to live.  Life is for living, not just working.  It is so easy  to become engrossed in completing the tasks, earning the paycheck, or advancing the career that I fail to make time for living.

Unknown

The essence of intelligence is a skill in extracting meaning from everyday experience.

In reality, each person has their own version of  "The Golden Handcuffs."  I know what mine is.  My limitations are often self imposed.  Every now and again  I need to step back and take inventory of my life.  There is always a reason not to get started.  For me, it is always having a task to do.   However, some tasks are optional.  There will always be housework, work at the office, and family demands.  I have only one chance at today. It is up to me to make it a priority to create balance in my life by making choices on how to use my time.  My choice is for continuous learning  and to make time to develop my talents. 

"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. "

George Carlin

As a child I heard my mother say that "A man who reached for a star will go farther than a man who reaches for the top of tree ."  It is important to have big dreams and big goals.  The danger lies in setting a goal and either losing focus on other areas of our life or simply becoming frustrated trying to attain that goal so we stop trying.  It is important to set goals but, just as important, we need smaller goals that will move us in the right direction. I compare this to preparing for a marathon.  Small individual successes will provide benefits, motivation, as well as a learning experience to prepare us for the ulitimate success of crossing  the finish line.   

"How do you eat an elephant? 

One bite at a time!"

Barbara Johnson.

Believing in ourselves is crucial to success.  Eliminate self defeating thoughts and surround ourselves with positive thinkers. Negativity is a road block.

Get out of your own way!  Set a goal. Don't create boundaries and don't be afraid to think outside of the box. We can become our own obstacle by creating limitations that don't exist.  Do not be afraid to work for the bigger goal because, even if we don't reach it, everything that we learn on the journey  is valuable.

Break the ultimate goal into smaller, more attainable goals.  We wouldn't try to run a marathon without training.  Use the same concept in reaching your goal.   Set small attainable goals. Celebrate your successes. Learn from the failures.

Get Started.  Too many people talk about their goals but only a few actually do the work to achieve their goal.   I read somewhere that people in nursing homes regret what they didn't try to do more than anything they have done.  We all have responsiblities but taking care of ourself is a responsibility too. Make yourself a priority. 

One of the leadership seminars I attended a few years ago talked about "Adaptive Creativity" which is a trait that is sought after in leaders even more than education or IQ. People who have adaptive creativity have the ability to learn from their life experiences, enjoy new challenges, embrace change, and adapt well to diverse situations. He said that instead having the focus on "What do I need to do to be successful?" we should  be asking ourselves "What do I want to learn?" Great leaders have the passion to embrace life, learn from experience, and think in creative form instead of conforming without thinking.




I realized that I have been wearing my own version of "The Golden Handcuffs."  My limitations are self imposed.  I  made a commitment to myself to make my own goals a priority.  I feel a sense of satisfaction in looking at my small measures of success over the last few days  Today I have a plan in place with small goals .  I am working toward a larger goal for the year.  A first step.....small goals......one dream. 

I Am That Somebody

I have been following the story of a horse and animal rescue farm that the county is trying to close down.  The rescue group was started by a woman who would rescue horses from abuse or abandonment. The purpose of the rescue farm is to rehabilitate and find new homes for them.  For almost two decades the farm has been dedicated to rescuing animals while struggling to surve on donations and fundraisers.  In 2010,  the county decided her operation doesn't comply with zoning.  They fined her $5600, which she was able to raise through the donations of others.  Now the requirement is to totally renovate her operation within six months or close it down.  The cost is just under $50,000 and she doesn't have it.  The county doesn't care about the fate of the animals or the fact that, in a world where cruelty has become daily news, this is a place of compassion. Many of my friends are very upset and hoping somebody will be able to help.

http://www.wildhorseranchrescue.com/help.html

Years ago I volunteered for a homeless school in downtown Phoenix.  This school offered a temporary refuge to homeless children and gave them an opportunity for an education that they would not have received any other way.  The school operated as a nonprofit, not as part of the county school system.  In spite of the challenges, the school was not only a performing school but was a school with high performance scores.  Maricopa County instigated several investigations.  The director was charged with mismanagement and the county took over.   People were upset and hoping somebody could step in to help.  After a fight, the school was allowed to remain open but the state had it merged with the county school system, replaced the staff and adminstrators with their own people, and moved it to Paradise Valley.  The director was cleared of all wrong doing, but the move was counterproductive. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_J._Pappas_School

In the news today, a bill was proposed to deny citizenship to babies born within our borders.  Although I am adamantly against illegal immigration, a child has no voice.  If he is born in the USA, there is no guarantee it would be welcomed in the country of it's parents.  If a child is born on US soil, then I feel it should have some type of optional citizenship rights.

You can never change what you tolerate.
Joel O Steen

There is a commonality in the three situations. In each, the government is attacking the powerless.  Those who have no voice seem to be targeted yet the government ingores the human factor.  

 Elizabeth Cady Stanton was instrumental in starting the movement to give women the right to vote.   Ms. Stanton and her husband were active in the anti slave movement.  It is rumored that she and her husband would often help slaves escape by hiding them in her cellar.  In 1840 she was denied a vote or a voice because of her gender at an anti slave convention.  She  realized that if she was unable to make her voice count she could not make a difference.  Thus began her crusade.

Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.

Ronald Reagan

On my way home from work yesterday I drove by the homeless school.  The property and startup funding for the school was donated.  Although the county was successful in vacating the school, ownership was established in a way that the property cannot be easily seized.   As I drove by,  I saw the large empty bus barns and a silent school yard  in a place where children once played.  This was also a place of compassion that once offered a feeling  of security  to children who had nothing else.

The world is full of suffering.  It is also full of overcoming.
Helen Keller


The horse rescue  farm has been weighing on my mind heavily in recent days.    For a short time,  I wondered if somebody would be able to help,   After driving by the school yesterday, I went home and called the horse rescue to make a donation and offered to volunteer to help as needed.  Next, I will use my voice and write letters to senators and congressmen. 

Don't be afraid to see what you see.

Ronald Reagan


I refuse to live with blinders over my eyes while trying to fool myself into believing that the injustices in this world are every one else's problem.  Although I cannot change everything, right every wrong, or convince the heartless to find a heart,  I can do my small part and hope that my contribution  is just enough to make a difference. 

My ancestors fought and sacrificed to give me  the right to have a voice in this world.  If there is an injustice, I have an obligation to speak out.  If I had no voice, I  hope that someone would speak up for me.   For a moment I was waiting for somebody else to speak up and try to make things right until I realized ...I am that somebody else.

Each generation goes further than the generation preceding it because it stands on the shoulders of that generation. You will have opportunities beyond anything we've ever known.

Ronald Reagan

Coloring Outside of The Lines

I am a woman who enjoys high heels when appropriate, but I also enjoy getting my hands dirty and just living.  Sometimes I need a new adventure and simply want to enjoy being myself instead of stepping into the role of mother, grandmother, pet owner, home owner, or banker.  There are times when I feel too burdened to negotiate a file, walk a dog, clean a house, or be responsible for anyone but myself.  It isn't that I want to run away from these parts of my life because I value each role I play.  However, on these days I need a small window of time to just be me.  Today is one of those days.   I simply need time to step back and color outside of the lines.  Sometimes this means nothing more than quiet time and at other times it means a new adventure.   There are people who don't understand me or criticize me for not "living by the rules."  It doesn't stop me because, at the end of the day, I only answer to God and myself.


"Well behaved women never make history." 
By:  Eleanor Roosevelt.

 One of the best lessons I ever had was from a professor who gave the class an exercise to connect dots without breaking the line.  The dots were set up in a series of rows all in symmetrical order and created the illusion of a perfect square.  Not one person could successfully connect the dots with a single line.  When the professor began to connect the dots we were surprised as she took the line outside of the perimeter.  She said that she gets the same reaction each time she presents the exercise to her students.  Since the dots are symetrical , students assume that the line must stay within the perimeter of the outside dots.  However, the rules only said connect the dots without breaking the line.  We created  the boundaries by the what we assumed we saw.  Her point was that too many people fail because they try to perform according to what they perceive the expectations are  instead of venturing outside of their perceived boundaries to  create new solutions.  This  demonstrated to me that people create their own limitations. 

"If the shoe doesn't fit, must we change the foot?"
Gloria Steinem


I grew up as a bit of a tomboy. My dad had rental houses and I enjoyed helping him repair things.  What I learned at my dad's side has helped me maintain my own house without relying on others.  Last week I was in the middle of a household repair and my daughter got upset and said, " Why do you always attempt to do these things yourself?"  My reply was a bit sarcastic as I said "Why not? "  She didn't say another word and started helping me complete the task. 

I believe in taking action and standing strong for what I believe in.  Although I can't remember the source, one of my favorite quotes is "Apathy and acceptance is advantageous only to the enemy."

I love history. One thing I have noticed is that the people who had the greatest impact on our lives by helping us gain the basic freedoms we enjoy today were not afraid to challenge the limitations imposed by others.  Our founding fathers were rebels that refused to accept servitude to a tax they didn't believe was fair.  The work of Margaret Sanger, Susan B Anthony,  and Gloria Steinem challenged the rules established by society which helped women gain control over their bodies and gain a voice in society. Elizabeth Cady Stanton started the movement to give women the vote. Her passion to begin the fight for women's right to vote initially began when she was denied a voice the anti- slavery convention in 1840 simply because of her gender. 

 "Servitude for one opens the door to servitude for all."
Quote by: Elizabeth Cady Stanton

My parents always taught me that mainstream thinking is not always the right direction.   Growing up I often heard them say that "Wrong is wrong, even if everyone else is doing it."  For me, independence equals happiness.  There will always be people with criticism for those who follow their own path but criticism merely means someone is paying attention.  Therefore, I always want to  live my life with integrity, fight for my right to color outside of the lines, have the courage to follow through, and maintain the conviction to be true to my beliefs.  

"Cautious, careful people are always casting about to preserve their reputation and social standing.  This  never can bring about a reform. Those who are really in earnest must be willing to be anything or nothing in the world's estimation, both publicly and privately, in season and out, avow their sympathy with despised and persecuted ideas and their advocates, and bear the consequences. "
Quote by:   Susan B. Anthony.